Choosing Your Death (posted 6/14/06)

I just started reading Dostoevsky's "The Idiot" the other day....an almost 600 page novel. Yes, I know....what am I getting myself into with such an undertaking? I've always been an avid reader, but classics extending to the 400+ pages always seem to intimidate me for some reason. I feel like I am forcing myself to make a long-term commitment to the book. Am I secretly a commitment phobe? Ok, getting sidetracked. Enough about my issues, back to the book. The fact that within the first thirty pages Dostoevsky draws you in to a character's psychological world makes my commitment anxieties nearly dissipate.

One of the guys, Myshkin, gives this monologue about what would be a more worse fate: 1.) to be somewhat of a witness to your own execution (along with countless others gawking at you as the public spectacle, as it was back then) but knowing what is about to happen....OR 2.) to be walking along in the woods one night (cause we all walk alone in the woods on a regular basis ) and someone unexpectedly comes up behind you to slit your throat. Now, I know what you must be thinking. Neither choice sounds all that appealing, the equivalent to the choices offered in the outlandish game "Would you Rather..?", but it does pose some philosophical ponderings. One's answer to the question may also demonstrate as a projective tool of sorts if you think about it. If you say you'd rather go with the guillotine because you'd rather know what's about to happen to you, maybe you're a control freak or a passive participant in the choices you make in life. Or if you go with the woods scenario, maybe you thrive on the unexpected, taking risks, and the possibility that you could change your fate (there's a possibility of getting away from the perpetrator who's trying to slit your throat, but chances of running away from a guillotine...not so much!) These are just a few thoughts and certainly there are many more to contemplate.

I personally would choose the woods/slit throat route and not just for the psychological possibilities I listed above. Here are my reasons: 1.) I hate being the center of attention/on "center stage" so to speak 2.) I'm creeped out by the mere idea of a guillotine 3.) I'd like to think I have a decent amount of common sense to escape the throat slitting bad guy(or girl, don't want to be sexist). I took self-defense in college and I remember kicking some ass back then. I've still got it in me somewhere! 4.) I'm more a private person and would rather die in the woods than in a public/"criminal" way. 5.) Dying in the woods at the hand of a possible maniac (who I probably know, as most violent acts are committed by people we know folks, scary, but true!) is better than being killed in a harsh, "removed" way with people staring and standing in judgment over your impending doom.

I don't know...that's just me. But I'm a weirdo. What would you choose?