How young or old are you, really?

(Photo by Jill Greenberg)
I was having a fun little conversation with two of my coworkers yesterday at the end of our lunch break. I can't remember how we got on the topic, but the subject of psychological age came up. There's chronological age and then there's psychological age. Psychological age differs from chronological age in that the difference lies not with how many years you've been on this Earth (chronological), but with how old one perceives or feels oneself to be emotionally and mentally.

Interestingly, I noticed a pattern in our discussion about this....fluctuation or fluidity in psychological age depending on the context of situations, relationships, life experiences,etc. We were talking about how old we feel at work vs. maybe in regard to romantic relationships or other facets of our lives. I commented that I feel like a 40 year old when I'm at work/in sessions with clients, but most of the time I feel about 25 years old. What about you, my blog readers? Are there certain situations in which you feel "older," "younger," or your actual chronological age?

I remember thinking when I was a little kid (ok, even as a teenager or in my 20's, haha) that one day I would reach this "magical" stage or moment where suddenly *Poof!*: I would feel like an "adult." Little did I realize that this never really happens, permanently anyway. At least for me. I can't speak for the millions of human beings on the planet. I'd be curious to see how people feel about chronological age vs. psychological age in other cultures around the world. Perhaps it's just us silly Americans that never really grow up? ....And I'm ok with that!

I know for me, there's nothing more gratifying than moments where I find myself having the silliness and playfulness of a 6 year old, the passions of a 17 year old, the free and adventurous spirit of a 21 year old, the confidence of a 30 year old, and the compassion and wisdom of a 40-50something year old.

Perhaps the indicator of a good life is being able to embrace the best of our various psychological ages.

Becoming a good writer

"The deeper you can listen, the better you can write....basically, if you want to become a good writer, you need to do three things. Read alot, listen well and deeply, and write alot. And don't think too much. Just enter the heat of words and sounds and colored sensations and keep your pen moving across the page." ---taken from "Writing Down the Bones," by Natalie Goldberg

1. Write alot Though I read "Writing Down the Bones" over 10 years ago, this really resonated with me and has stayed with me over the years whenever I find myself in that space to write and let it all hang out, if you will. Tonight I found myself skimming through copious blog entries I've written on here from 2007 up until now. After reading through them, I could see an interesting progression of how my writing has developed over the last 5 years. It's funny to think it all started with me writing entries on my old school Myspace page back in 2005. I wrote in a journal from my teens to my 20's, which was always private...for my eyes only. Then came the era of social networking sites....and from there I started writing for others to read. It was still for myself, but I had to get comfortable with the notion that writing well involved "nakedness" or "exposure." Letting go of a need to control what others would think or feel when they read my entries was the toughest thing to learn...still hard at times, especially since my writing reveals more about me than my daily interactions with people. It's the root, the core of me. Writing for the public domain involves risk and vulnerability. It's been a scary and amazing journey to go from journals and notebooks to social networking blog entries to my own personal blog page. I can only hope with exciting anticipation that my writing progresses even further in my lifetime.

As an aside....yesterday my friend Helen shared with me that she started a blog and really wanted my "honest opinion, since you are the guru of blogging." Guru? I was stunned, to say the least. I certainly don't see myself that way, though it was a nice compliment and even inspired me a bit. It's not the first time a friend has turned to me for guidance and feedback with their writing/blogging endeavors.....which I find funny since I don't think any of the handful of people who have turned to me for help actually read much of what I write. haha. Maybe it's just the time and effort I have put into this passion of mine that has them turning to me. Who knows! There's something about that though (seeing my friends start their own writing projects) that renews that old spark in me....feels really good.

2. Read alot My friend Josh asked his online friends the other day how many books they've read in their lifetime. The nerdy girl I am, I secretly wish I've kept track all these years. I'd be super curious to know the exact number, only because I bet it would blow my mind. Alas, I can only estimate. 3,000? Maybe that's too many? Not enough? It's gotta be at least 1,000. I then wondered how different I would have turned out if I didn't read at all. Think of all the people in this world who are illiterate. Think of how often we are forced to read in our everyday lives, and not for leisure...but just to live and complete daily tasks. Can you imagine how much harder life would be without reading? With that said, I've read ALOT....for leisure, for guidance, for curiosity, for entertainment. I'd even go so far as to say that reading has been a major influence on who I am today as a human being. Books get me through life. When in doubt, I turn to a book (or a writer) more easily and more frequently than I turn to people for help. Perhaps this is why others seek me out when they are in need of book recommendations too? Haha.

3. Listen well and deeply Well, this applies to me too.....though I wonder if maybe I'm listening to others too much (as a therapist and with friends or family) and have lost my way with listening well and deeply to myself....my own thoughts, feelings, ideas, creativity,etc. On that note, I've found it telling that I seem to be inspired to write more lately (even craving to do so) since I've been reading more, "unplugging" from technology (specifically social networking) more, and taking time to do things I most want to do because I'm not being distracted by mindless technological distractions. Perhaps it's time I go off the grid a bit. Maybe I can finally allow myself to write that book I always wanted to write, or maybe even come up with an entirely new idea for a book.....

Pride

Pride. It can carry a positive or negative connotation. Mostly though, I think it tends to present itself in unpleasant ways in our lives.

In what ways does pride show up in your life? Does it seem to get in the way of living the life you most want to live?

For me, pride (a.ka. ego) is just a form of shame. It's the feeling of not measuring up to some high self-inflicted standard you've set for yourself. It may appear helpful at first glance if you think you can manage to do something 'just the right way,' but in the overall scheme of things it's counter-productive. It doesn't leave much room for personal growth in one's life.

I got to thinking about this tonight, as I am slowing working on releasing (or at least decreasing) pride I have around two major things that have been ever too present in my life for years. If I can't beat it, I suppose I must join it...or surrender to it, rather.

More often than not, I tend to have shame around not being the "perfect" body weight/size. I also have shame around money (ie, struggling with not having enough/living beyond my means). Interestingly, both of these issues have become uncomfortably prominent in my life even more so than usual lately. Normally, I would avoid these situations at all costs or find ways to struggle through the self-inflicted standards I set for myself around these issues....but enough is enough. I'm tired of battling with myself. I'd rather let go and face my fears. So be it. What do I honestly have to lose?

What do we stand to lose if we let go of the pride that stands in our own way? False illusions. That's what you'll release. You see, that's the way the ego works. It's counter-productive. Do the opposite and you'll have something far more productive: self-acceptance. Maybe even support and acceptance from others that you never allowed them to demonstrate while your ego was running rampant.

Stop judging yourself so much...a little humbleness and compassion for one's self goes a long way. Try it sometime. You may just discover a whole new positive sense of pride emerging in the ego's absence.

Liberation. Growth. The opportunity to learn and change in a meaningful way.

Romantic Literature

I never realized before (not consciously anyway) how much I am drawn to Romantic literature. Not to be confused with modern "chick lit," I'm referring to classic literature of the Romanticism era (ie, the late 18th century).

Last night I had the delightful opportunity to watch the newest film release of the classic "Jane Eyre" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8J6Cjn06kA) with my mom. I knew it was a classic by one of the Bronte sisters, but that's all I knew about it. Given that I tend to enjoy classic literature books and films, I figured there would be a strong chance I'd like it. Not only did I like it, I loved it. I thought perhaps there was something about this movie that had me so drawn to it, but I couldn't pinpoint what it could be.

My mom, a college English and Humanities professor, told me after the movie was over that it had all the qualities of the Romanticism genre: a misunderstood loner who follows his/her own way rather than the conventional standards of the time, nature, traveling, the supernatural, emphasis on women and children, and speaking to the "common" people (vs. only the aristocracy). It also focused on conveying feelings of horror, awe, and trepidation.

I'm not sure why I'm attracted to these particular characteristics, perhaps because it is the one time period I can see myself living in or wish I could live in if I could choose to live in another era. In some weird way, I can identify with the main character's internal struggles in Romanticism....the intellectual strength and emotional angst they experience. I can especially identify with the identity of 'loner' (going off the beaten path/the road less traveled), being attracted to someone who is different from the conventional standard (and also wanting that same kind of attraction reciprocated). I also like the juxtaposition of beauty (aka nature) against horror. It seems to accurately depict how life can be simultaneously a balance of exquisite and tragic. Now I know why I've also loved other Romantic era novels, like "Frankenstein," "Scarlet Letter," as well as the works of Ralph Waldo Emerson and Henry David Thoreau!

More specific to "Jane Eyre," I appreciate the fact that Jane is a strong, confident, and incredibly self-reliant woman who doesn't need to be rescued by a man....such a refreshing thing to see from the stereotypical norm of "damsel in distress." Again, I could very much relate to this character, as I've never relied on anyone to 'rescue' me throughout my life.

At the same time, I long for the kind of passionate, deep devotion and unconditional love Jane and Rochester have for one another....the kind of love that appears to know no bounds. I wonder, however, if such a thing exists in the 21st century. Or maybe that has never existed. Regardless, it's an idealistic notion of passion and love I can at least dream about or aspire to attain.

I'm craving to read some Romantic literature now...