"Follow Your Bliss."
I climbed the steep desert mountain in Saguaro National Park, dodging prickly cactuses and silently wishing no rattlesnakes would surprise me with their presence. It was a hot dry morning out in the Arizona desert, beautiful nonetheless. Mom didn't want to carry her brother's impersonal black box of cremated remains, so I offered to do the necessary task. I wasn't completely comfortable, but as with everything else, I always strive to push myself past my comfort zones, no matter how initially scary or strange the situation. The box was heavier than I expected it to be and I became slightly nervous that I would drop it. This resulted in my proceeding up the mountain with the utmost caution. The further along I went in my ascent, I started to feel a calmness, and oddly enough, honored that I was chosen to carry the ashes. Very appropriate, the more I thought about it. He always "carried" my worries and tended to them with such sage advice and wisdom in a lifetime of conversations.
The previous night as I was thinking about what I wanted to say for the memorial, I recalled a sweatshirt he wore for years. He wore the tattered and nearly torn sweatshirt so much that over time I came to associate "Follow Your Bliss" as his own personal mantra, though it was really just a "borrowed" statement from mythology's great Joseph Campbell. I always loved the simple quote and though I had not forgotten it, I HAD forgotten the beat up oversized navy blue sweatshirt my uncle wore to remind others....Until Su told me she was planning on donating a pile of his clothes to the DAV (Disabled American Vets). It hit me! Did she have the "FYB" sweatshirt?! Why, yes!
Su happily pulled it out of the pile, proudly acquiescing my request to keep it as a memento. After settling at our spot on the mountain for our intimately small family memorial service, the three women dearest to him in his life (my mother, his wife, and myself) decided to drape the sweatshirt over the box of ashes resting on the ground. The box was not "him," but the "Follow Your Bliss" symbol found on the sweatshirt couldn't have been a more accurate representation, his true character.
While I brought back the sweatshirt with me home to Chicago, with it also came the hope and drive within myself to explore the question: "What is MY bliss?" It has become the burning question.
So, here's where I'm at: Why continue feeling unhappy, continue in our ruts of convenience rather than jump into the exciting possibilities of what may truly fulfill our lives?! I can make excuses (not enough $ to do what I want, feeling too tired, ad infinitum...). Ultimately though, all I need is perspective to spur me on: "Follow Your Bliss."
What makes Katie happy? Helping people in counseling them (but not case management, which is currently what I do most of the time), being creative, writing, being by the beach and mountains, simple pleasures. Not a fancy place to live per se, but somewhere that feels like "me" and somewhere that allows me the option to have a dog as a pet someday. When I think of all these things, I feel a little bit of bliss right now. I enjoy simple things in Chicago. I also find myself writing more frequently and feeling fulfilled after counseling sessions with certain clients. But it's not enough.
My bliss is riding in a Jeep with windblown hair alongside the oceanfront and singing along to random fun songs with someone whom I feel naturally comfortable being around without having to try at all. My bliss is being able to sink my bare feet into soft white sand and inhale fresh smelling beach air as a breeze gently comforts me. My bliss is swimming in a pool on a warm spring night underneath a pitch black beauty of stars above. And better yet, my bliss is a dog eagerly rushing over to greet me at the door when I get home with no agenda. My bliss is pleasant experiences that come from a state of no expectation, "letting go," pure "go with the flow" moments. My bliss is forgetting any sense of time. Five hours can fly like it was five minutes ago, refreshingly. My bliss looks at me, mirroring exactly how I feel inside. My bliss is being someone else's bliss. This much I know about the bliss that has recently overwhelmed me. My bliss is in a gratitude of living for today and not being chained to the past. My bliss is my self-confidence and playful attitude.
"Follow Your Bliss!!!"
How do I get there? Slowly and eventually. My goal is to start looking for a non-counseling job, just temporarily. The way I see it, if I can find a normal 9 to 5'er with weekends off, something not particularly stressful and mentally taxing me to the point of exhaustion, I'll have more energy and motivation to reassess my career back in the direction I started before I threw myself into the realm of treating substance abusers.....what I was excited about once upon a time: relationship oriented counseling. I love being a part of a therapy process, which is what I rarely get to do with my current job.
Job transitions aside, I also feel disconnected from the city life lately. Since the beginning of this year, I have felt that Chicago and I are on the verge of a breakup. Like a relationship that becomes stagnant, it doesn't serve me to stay in it much longer. Thus, part of my path to eventual bliss includes my goal to seek a counseling job somewhere else that is more conducive to my need for nature, quiet, and a laidback atmosphere in the next 12 months. Could be Florida, could be California, Colorado, Oregon,etc. Who the hell knows, but for the first time in awhile, I am reminded: "Follow Your Bliss." And that is all that matters.
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