How is it that certain people can easily push our buttons, but then with most people it takes significantly more to send us to that proverbial "breaking point?" Is it because these lucky individuals (note slight sarcasm here!) are the far and few who really know our true selves, therefore we stubbornly resist embracing something "informative" they wish to share with us, well-intentioned or not? Or because they know us so well and likely vice versa....do we question whether they speak/respond out of a particular pattern/"history" of the relationship? And if it's merely a matter of reacting to old patterns instead of taking time to reflect on helpful information from an objective standpoint, how can one get rid of those bothersome buttons in order to remain true to oneself, yet still grow as a person?
These are questions I pondered this morning as I worked through "push button" reactions. You are probably wondering why I picked this particular picture to go with this blog....mainly because I wanted to post a picture of my mom and I, both of us at a younger age (a visual reminder of our chronological relationship "history" past and present)....and this is the only one I could find easily via online. In case you haven't put two and two together yet, my reflective thoughts about pushing buttons is related to someone who knows how to push my buttons quite easily every now and then: my mom.
When I was younger, we were frequently frustrated with one another, possibly because we both have stubborn/independent personalities. Interestingly though, over the years we have grown from having an argumentative relationship to that of a more supportive/friendship based relationship, one I value deeply....which is why it has been a little weird to find myself reverting back to "relating" habits of my childhood days, aka: frustration and annoyance, even if just temporarily.
Until recently, I can't remember the last time I felt annoyed or even pissed off with my mother. As I said, I love and respect her probably more than anyone else in my life. When it comes to particular issues/topics though, I feel like we come from different planets. This specific sensitive subject matter revolves around men/relationships. I'm already sensitive to that area of my life ANYWAY....then to add a well-intentioned mother to the mix who wishes to "help me see the light/error of my ways"....just compounds the whole thing. I won't go indepth to what really pushed my buttons, as my mother addressed various things in an email to me that ruffled my feathers...but here's one small example from aforementioned email.....
I was tempted to remove my last blog entry this morning, as she shared with me her feeling that it came across as me being ego-like, like I was bragging about men finding me attractive,etc. As tends to happen at times with my blogs/when I am open and honest expressing something about myself, someone may misunderstand or maybe they do understand but just don't like it.
My first reaction was that of being misunderstood and slightly annoyed to want to take it down, but then the more I thought about it, I realized...WHO CARES, even if it is my mother who says it! I know the intention of my post (to share an amusing/flattering thing that happened to me....out of confidence, NOT arrogance); that is all that matters. Writing blogs about personal things certainly is a lesson in humility. Call me a glutton for self-punishment (hopefully more like, self-awareness! hahaha).
Open and honest dialogue we have with our parents can most definitely be a double-edged sword...well, speaking for myself anyway. When one is a child, it is alot simpler to see things in a black and white mode. When one hits the adult years however, it's a whole lot murkier shade of gray....an unfamiliar territory that can catch you off guard as to how or why you respond the way you do when "problem solving mode" is front and center. There are times when I'm feeling frustrated, confused, upset about something in my life, times when it's so much easier to wish you could wave a magic wand and be told exactly what to do to solve the problem (I liken this to being a kid and your mom/dad giving you the answer). But then reality hits: I'm not a child....and not only that, I'm a strong-willed independent person. Deep down I like to figure things out for myself, even if that means pain, misery,etc. I have always been this way, even as a child. If I want to do something, I WILL do it. Both of my parents can easily attest to this. What I once considered a stubborn bratty quality within me, I now deem an inner strength.
I'm all about self-improvement, but I also respond better to positive encouragement, not negative reinforcement. I need not be reminded that I may not always take enough risks, I may not always face my fears with absolute boldness, and I certainly do not always make the most healthy/happy choices. I know this already. I guess what irritates me is those every once in awhile moments where you question whether someone sees you as you are in this very moment in time or if due to the "history" of the relationship (mother/daughter, father/daughter, etc), he or she flashes back to remembering how you were at 7, 10, 15, 21 years old, etc etc....and talks to you accordingly to such perceptions. I'm not a parent, so I really don't know the answer to this....but it still makes me wonder. I wish I could snap my fingers and wake up tomorrow with all the difficult issues I have "fixed" or "gone"....but it's not possible.
Interestingly, I am reading a book about misery vs. joy/happiness/bliss that has put things in perspective for me.....the book addresses the old adage "Misery loves company" or basically, misery is the "normal" way of being in society. But what to make of a joyful/blissful person? Bliss seems to be such a rarely observed phenomenon that usually when one witnesses such a person, they may be dubbed as crazy, insane. Remember when Tom Cruise jumped on top of the couch on Oprah back in the day when he professed his love for Katie Holmes? Ok, I have no idea if the guy was on drugs or not. And maybe he is crazy; I don't know him. But maybe he wasn't. Maybe we're just not accustomed to seeing people in such a joyful state.
I was proud of myself this morning, as I came up with a solution to my push button reactions. One of two scenarios can play out in the future: either not talk to her about subjects in which my buttons could be pushed (not likely, hahaha) OR the moment I feel a button is being pushed, remove myself from the feeling and ask myself if I would be so bothered if someone else were to make the same observation and/or well-intentioned suggestion?
Going the objective route may prove to be the best solution....not just for me, but for ALL you button pushers and those being pushed out there.
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