Learned helplessness and empowering women.

According to Wikipedia, the definition of "learned helplessness" is as follows:

"Learned helplessness is a psychological condition in which a human being or an animal has learned to believe that it is helpless in a particular situation. It has come to believe that it has no control over its situation and that whatever it does is futile. As a result, the human being or the animal will stay passive in the face of an unpleasant, harmful or damaging situation, even when it does actually have the power to change its circumstances. Learned helplessness theory is the view that depression results from a perceived lack of control over the events in one's life, which may result from prior exposure to (actually or apparently) uncontrollable negative events."

Off and on I'll have some really powerful sessions with clients, both men and women. I was thinking today though about the difference between my typical sessions with men versus women. While I work well with both genders, I must say there is some kind of deeper therapist/client bond I tend to have with more female clients than male clients. Perhaps it is because I am a woman and can relate (or better understand) to various gender-related issues my female clients tend to grapple with: Pregnancy, Abortion, Balancing independence with relationships (romantic and otherwise), Menstruation/Menopause, Sexuality, Self-Esteem/Inner Beauty, Domestic Violence, Incest, Rape, Unhealed pain/wounds from the past, and learning to nurture ourselves as women just as importantly as caring/loving others in our life,etc.

It also goes back to "Learned Helplessness." I remember hearing once that when women go to health care providers, they don't tend to be taken as seriously by their doctor as men. Perhaps because women also tend to be so preoccupied nurturing others, they may let their own problems and pain fall by the wayside. Thus, here is where I come in to the picture: To listen, offer compassion, and remind them of CHOICES they can make at a time when things are seemingly bleak. I am sometimes almost moved to tears by some of the changes I see going on with my female clients, especially when I play even the most minute role in the process. Some recent examples:

Yesterday while in session, Client #1 showed me a picture of her beautiful six month old grandson....whom could have been aborted, had I not given my client information on the risks of a late-term pregnancy abortion to show her daughter. I'm not one to judge one's personal choices, but it's a weird feeling to know you played a role in someone's big decision like that.

After that session, Client #2 session involved a woman talking about relationship issues past and present, from family of origin (abuse) to lovers, to those with her own grown children. By the end of session, she tells me she feels better after talking to me and adds that she's not sure why she's so comfortable talking to me.....that she hasn't been able to open up with other counselors. "I don't know, there's something about you....you just seem so...nice."

Then today, I had a session with another woman who is clearly in a very abusive and destructive relationship....so much so that she is anxious and fearful he will find her and beat her (possibly kill her), especially when she has been taking the risk to come to the clinic the past few days. We talked about her physical safety (short-term and long-term plans) and setting her up to transfer to another clinic. She must have thanked me two or three times for helping her, saying no one else has been much help (as far as giving guidance and offering resourceful solutions). It was for this reason she further added somewhat teary-eyed that she didn't want to leave our clinic....likes/feels comfortable with me. As touched as I was, I emphatically reminded her of her self-worth and safety as the #1 priority...even if it means terminating our counselor/client relationship. And I also told her she can call me at work even after she leaves, at least at first, so I know how she is doing.

For as many endless psychology and counseling courses I've taken and even excellent, thorough clinical training I've received over the years for my career....nothing has been quite as powerful in my role as a therapist as just being "present" with my clients....through their anger, their pain, tears they shed, their denials, their responsible and irresponsible actions, laughter and life's sense of humor, aha(!) insights, secrets they reveal....90% of these powerful moments I attribute to my nurturing approach. And not just me nurturing them, but my teaching them the most healing thing they can do is nurture themselves: from "victim" persona to an empowered woman worthy of self-love.