Monday, October 15, 2007
Regret
I'm not normally one to regret much that I say or do, however, I do regret writing a particular blog last month. I had written a blog about how my mom pushes my buttons, not realizing that her reading my words would impact her to the extent that it has to this day. I also feel like writing on this damn blogsite has been more of a curse than a blessing....like being too honest has created tension with others instead of bringing people together like I felt my old blogs used to do. I find myself writing less, having less to say, or thinking about whether what I have to say will come across with what the writing was intended for in the moment. I was supposed to write a blog today about the environment. I had something prepared to write, but now I think it would be crap. That, and I just don't feel motivated to write it. I'm not too happy with myself today.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
Hey Katie, I can understand how easy it is to run back from being so honest openly in public, but I don't think you need to stop. To be honest in my opinion I don't think you are being sharing enough of your truth, due to the fact that you are worried that you will upset someone. I don't think it matters if you upset someone, because if someone does find a problem in something you say, then it means that you and he/she has something to work out in that area anyway.
I think that it's better to live your truth and deal with the situations that come up, as they come up. This way, to me, you are working along a growing path, instead of sitting back in the safe zone of the shadows where everyone tries to make themself believe that they don't have things to learn or grow from.
I really enjoy seeing someone live in their truth and willing to share that truth with those around them. Just because you are pissed off one day when you write something doesn't mean that your a b*t*h, it only means that you are human, and that you are willing enough to express those feelings in order to get them out. I don't know if you have noticed my most recent blog, but I wrote it last night. If you'll read it, you will notice that I was pretty pissed off about a lot of things last night, but because I had no way of venting it out, I decided to blog it out. Almost right after I was finished blogging it, I had completely let go of my anger and was ok again. Do you think that I care if someone gets pissed about what I wrote, NOPE! If they get mad then it's their own problem, not mine, because I know that I did not write that blog with the intentions of hurting anyone.
Just I know there have been many blogs that you probably could have wrote about me and other friends, good and bad, but you didn't want to write them because you knew we would be reading it. I understand, I catch myself worrying about the same thing sometimes. None of us are perfect, no matter how good of friends people are we are all going nto piss people off at times.
So my vote is....
√ Keep blogging and screw what others might think :)
No regrets..all is well...this is clearly something I need to work on myself and apparently we have these things happen to get us motivated to look deeper within.
My apologies and keep blogging, we all need to vent at times and work through our issues...including myself...
Loving you,
mom
Wow, thanks for the comments you two.
Yeah, I think it gets easy sometimes for all of us to be triggered in some way...whether that means me as the writer or those who are reading the writing.
I guess I'm just not completely used to it. I know 'real' writers must deal with this struggle on a constant basis, but it's all still very new to me and creates vulnerable feelings at times when I feel like I'm putting my words/life out there in 'open book' form. There's a feeling of "nakedness" in my writing that at times can leave me feeling uncomfortable and insecure. At the same time, it's good to experience that....to not become too complacent with myself or with others....even close relationships in my life, ya know?
As for not being MORE open, well Ricky, I guess it's a boundary thing with me....like I think to myself, "how far/much am I willing to share intimate things about myself and/or my relationships?" without it being petty or disrespectful, sounding like too much drama,etc. That's where I'm coming from anyway...trying to find the balance of something interesting or thought/feeling provoking without crossing that line I have set for myself.
I agree though as far as being an honest person and working on my relationships in an authentic way. I was talking to my friend Rajiv yesterday about the fact that I feel frustrated that I don't always have something interesting to write about, but somehow I feel pressured to write regardless. Maybe because it's solely a blogsite, and just MY writing that people are reading? I don't know.
Rajiv reminded me that I shouldn't stop writing just because I don't always write something spectacular or always get favorable feedback from others. He encouraged me by saying to just do it when I felt like it. Imagine that for a concept! haha.
I think perhaps I'm being too hard on myself too. I regress into perfectionistic habits at times. Lol. I haven't read your blog yet Ricky, but will be sure to check it out. It's nice to know that you understand where I'm coming from as far as the need to write something to express how you feel at the moment....even if whatever that is could change tomorrow, next week, month, year,etc! :)
Thanks again for sharing!
~K.
maybe not so much about being honest but about dealing with others through this blog/website?
it is not a journal sitting under your mattress
What do you mean Kris?
Post a Comment