Trust

Have you ever thought about why or how we 'choose' the individuals we trust with our deepest secrets and vulnerabilities? Are some people more trusting than others? If so, what sets the trusting person apart from the non-trusting person (or people) in one's life? Does trusting others begin with trusting and relying on oneself first and foremost, so that no matter who we trust, it doesn't even matter what the other person does with the trusted information?

Are we more inclined to tell our deep and/or dark secrets to total strangers, close relationships, or a random mixture of the two?

Of course, it's alot easier to trust a total stranger when you know you've shared something personal with someone you will never see again or when it's more of a one-sided relationship, hence there is nothing at stake...nothing to lose.

I remember this movie I saw where this guy is internally wrestling with his feelings for this woman (she is unaware of his feelings) and whether he should take a flight out to see her or take his scheduled work related business flight. Instead of revealing his feelings for this woman to HER, he sits in the airport talking to an employee who works there telling her about his dilemna. It was a very intense moment and potential turning point for him, but the stranger was only concerned with whether this guy was going to get on his scheduled flight or not. The man opened up to a stranger, but did he really have anything to lose? No, not really. Maybe this kind of trust is really an 'empty trust,' one of illusion?

We can, however, take many risks in the sake of trust. If you trust the wrong person, conflict could erupt. Other people could get hurt. The one putting themselves out there could get "screwed over" by the 'trusted' individual. One's character, integrity, and reputation can be on the line. Sometimes trust backfires and sometimes it doesn't. Nothing is a 100 % guarantee and yet we still reach out to others. I think it's amazing and intriguing. I just wonder: Why trust who we trust?

I am the kind of person that people must feel very comfortable to be themselves with because I find people tell me things they have not told anyone (or very few) else....or so they tell me. Sometimes I even get "T.M.I." ("too much information") when people feel OVERLY comfortable telling me something I really didn't need to know, something even possibly gross/revolting (on the job). I may laugh or shudder to myself for a moment, but at the same time never cease to be intrigued as to what drives a person to 'let it all out' so to speak.

While I can understand professional trust that can be part and parcel of being a therapist, I am alot more perplexed as to how trust pertains to my personal life. I love psychology. :)

I wonder if I have some kind of 'natural' quality because of my profession as a counselor or if it's something else entirely. Not too long ago, one of my clients told me she hasn't felt comfortable talking to counselors in the past...but she has clearly opened up to me. I asked her how I am different. "I don't know...something about your face...and you just seem...nice."

Are we more likely to trust someone quickly (or at all, for that matter) when he/she is genuine and nonjudgmental? That is the only thing I can think of regarding how others seems to easily trust me. Not that I can't be trusted. The concept of trust just fascinates and sometimes boggles my mind. I take it as the highest compliment when someone shares their secrets with me. Sometimes I get mad because I don't always know what to make of what someone has told me and wonder if I'd be better off not knowing.....but then that turns into a feeling of meaningfulness, knowing I have discovered another aspect of the person. More often than not, it serves to deepen the relationship I have with the person.

On the subject of trust, I also realize ALL of us are essentially vulnerable. And in a weird way, it gives me comfort to trust others gradually a little more as they trust/have trusted me.

This is interesting because while I tend to take the role of 'trusted,' I haven't always trusted others easily. I have been betrayed by supposed 'trust' in my life over the years, but I have also had people I could trust with my life. As I think about people I trust now, I wonder what it is about them that makes them so trustworthy in my eyes.

Here's the qualities that come to mind:

sense of love/caring

a certain degree of social and/or emotional intelligence

sense of humor about life overall

being supportive

accepting me (and themselves?) as is

So perhaps it IS all about being genuine with other people....

I am reminded of something mentioned in one of my favorite books, "Man's Search for Meaning." Viktor Frankl talked about his experiences in a concentration camp. When stripped of what comprises the 'identity' of self, when there's nothing else left, what remains? Connecting on the most basic commonality of all: human being to human being. :)