How often do we get closure on something or someone? Is it up to oneself to create the closure or can it usually only be accomplished with the help of putting yourself back in that situation or with that person 'one last time' so to speak? I suppose it can be both, but it feels less difficult when you don't have to totally create the closure all on your own.
After feeling a mixture of emotions the past month or two, I FINALLY got closure on someone I care about. I realized all that I was feeling wasn't so much even about him, but more about myself. Sure, I got closure on what this person means to me and vice versa....but I realized what it is I truly want to create for myself in the near future (in regard to having a significant other). I want the comfort and love of someone who will wake up by my side every day, who I know will be there always. I want compassion and intimacy from a man, as scary as that feels to me sometimes. Most importantly, I realized that maybe all along I have been putting up some kind of defenses against having a serious relationship. I can't say it was one exact moment where I realized this yesterday, but I sensed a turning point of readiness....to let myself be seen, known, and loved despite all the vulnerable risks it may and likely will entail.
I thought I had to let go of this person who I had all these unexplainable feelings for, but as it turns out....all I had to do was let go of the idea of the possibility. My caring emotions remain, but the longing is gone. And I feel so much more peaceful with myself, my emotions more balanced and calm.
Part of me wants to express my gratitude for what he gave me, but I also don't think he'd really understand. And that's ok. I think I'll just savor the bliss of peace and growth all to myself. The end of an unexpected chapter and the beginning of a new one....
After feeling a mixture of emotions the past month or two, I FINALLY got closure on someone I care about. I realized all that I was feeling wasn't so much even about him, but more about myself. Sure, I got closure on what this person means to me and vice versa....but I realized what it is I truly want to create for myself in the near future (in regard to having a significant other). I want the comfort and love of someone who will wake up by my side every day, who I know will be there always. I want compassion and intimacy from a man, as scary as that feels to me sometimes. Most importantly, I realized that maybe all along I have been putting up some kind of defenses against having a serious relationship. I can't say it was one exact moment where I realized this yesterday, but I sensed a turning point of readiness....to let myself be seen, known, and loved despite all the vulnerable risks it may and likely will entail.
I thought I had to let go of this person who I had all these unexplainable feelings for, but as it turns out....all I had to do was let go of the idea of the possibility. My caring emotions remain, but the longing is gone. And I feel so much more peaceful with myself, my emotions more balanced and calm.
Part of me wants to express my gratitude for what he gave me, but I also don't think he'd really understand. And that's ok. I think I'll just savor the bliss of peace and growth all to myself. The end of an unexpected chapter and the beginning of a new one....
4 comments:
I am so glad this all of this ended up working out. And as a bonus you didn't walk away without anything to remember him by.
Yeah, I know. :)
That's really awesome Katie! I know how hard it can be to get the closure that you need. I had a lot of the same problems with my ex-fiance, it took me quite some time to finally find that closure. But when I did find it, boy was it refreshing, a major weight lifted off my shoulders.
Yes, emotional relief is a powerful and refreshing feeling.
Post a Comment