"Self-help"...is not much help.

I don't tend to read 'self-help' books that often; they are usually very 'pop psychology-ish' (aka 'crap') and don't offer much specific help to the reader. But maybe that's just my perception, seeing as I have an extensive background (note: 7 years education-wise and 4 years clinically) in psychology and actual clinical counseling experience...not to mention my own personal experiences! With this combination of theoretical and applied wisdom, I have had alot of help in seeing whether there is a cognitive dissonance between what someone says and the overall 'reality' of a general example given. Most times, I find psychology and even some spirituality books (like Osho, my personal favorite) to be the most accurate as far as guidance/advice coming strictly from books, comparing it to what I know from my own personal and professional experiences.

This is why I'm not sure why I have fallen prey to so many 'self-help' aids the past few weeks or so. Maybe deep down I honestly would prefer a quick fix solution to a complex challenge, though logically I know that won't be happenin'! hahaha.

It all began this past weekend when I was hanging out downtown at Starbuck's. I was perfectly content, reading my memoir novel (about Asperger's, written by Augusten Burrough's brother) when my friend Heather called. We have been talking more frequently the past month or two, usually swapping stories about things going well or not so well regarding our 'love lives' or lack thereof. As part of our whole 'let's improve our chances of making ourselves confident catches' (in the relationship department), we have both been reading aforementioned 'self help' books here and there. We read, absorb, self-analyze and discuss amongst ourselves. Simple, right? Absolutely...not. I'm more discouraged and frustrated than BEFORE I read the seemingly 'helpful' books.

Heather told me she started reading "Why Men Love Bitches" (meaning, why men prefer independent confident women vs. insecure 'doormats') and recommended it. Me being the bibliophile and 'all about self improving' gal I am, I could not NOT scurry around the corner to my old Borders stomping grounds on Michigan Ave shortly after our phone conversation to purchase it. I was somewhat familiar with the title and the general theme of the book from when I used to work at the bookstore, so I had a feeling it might be an interesting read. I picked it up and walked around the corner to browse other books in the 'self help' section. Why? I don't know, but I did. I came across this other book called "The MANual" by Steve Santagati, a self-proclaimed "bad boy" and serial dater who reveals how women can successfully spot 'bad boys' in the dating world to either beat them at their own game or join 'em (so to speak) without being nieve or getting hurt in the long term. I caved and bought that one too, more so out of curiosity. I wanted to judge for myself whether it was 'garbage' or 'good' advice.

I decided I had more of a burning desire to read the bad boy book first and quickly read it in its entirety over the span of this past weekend. This included taking a test, "Do you like Bad Boys?" which revealed I seem to like 'bad boys' 30% of the time. How reassuring. I use the term 'test' very loosely, dear reader. Like I said, it is surely not a psychologically sound test, but all in fun I guess. I'm still not sure what exactly I think of the overall content of the book, though I saved the receipt to return it to the bookstore soon, if that's any indication. All I know is, it left me feeling more distrustful of men's 'agendas' instead of more confident (I have to roll my eyes at Molly Sims' endorsement on the back of the book).

I found myself feeling a little sad yesterday and wasn't sure why. It dawned on me that it was that book I read...and watching an episode of 'Oprah' where she had this matchmaker as a guest, telling women what they are doing wrong, why they are still single,etc. I then called my friend Heather and left her a message telling her something along the lines of feeling like I was better off BEFORE I got caught up in all this self-help craze and how I'm beginning to have a 'why bother?' attitude. Still, I'm trying to be positive and carry on with my own personal self improvement approach to my singlehood. I started reading the "WMLB" book last night and am about 70 pages in. So far so good. But again, it depresses me more than it uplifts me...though in this case, I think it's because it is genuinely reflecting back to me things I do that need to be changed...not in a pop psychology kind of way.

All in all though, after I finish reading the book, I'm going to stay away from 'self-help' stuff for awhile. What good does it do when it's not even consistent advice? There seem to be more 'self help' titles than psychology and counseling books. Now I know why....because everyone has their own personal agenda.

As a therapist, I would encourage others to think long and hard before they pick up any 'self-help' books. You might just be better off on your own....and if not, get a therapist in lieu of a 'self-help' book. You could be saving yourself up to $20 dollars in the long run....because you'll need a therapist anyway after reading a convoluted pop psychology book that confuses the hell out of you. I know I need one!