I'm sure I'm setting myself up for argumentative debate on this topic I'm about to discuss...and I welcome it! Ideas surrounding the idea of 'power' have been a repetitive contemplation for me the past week, a combination of books that subtly or overtly address the topic to real world experience (mine and others). Being an astute observer of psychology in action, I found myself re-examining this idea of 'power' that I previously perceived in a different way. I think this is why I never get bored with psychology; just when I think I've got something figured out, I tilt an idea around to a different angle and am left with yet another Rubik's Cube of both curiosity and bewilderment.
Is power a skewed and illusory perception of control and sense of self (or any particular entity, ie a country, idea, belief, culture, freedom,etc.)? Is there such thing as empowerment? What about control? How much do we really have of this idea of 'power' and 'control?' Does one's spiritual/religious (or lack thereof) mindset also influence how much power and control one wields?
I find myself fluctuating between feeling we actively choose what we empower and/or dis-empower within ourselves and our lives....to also feeling that there is no such thing as power. Where does illusion end and reality begin?
On the subject of power.....I'm currently reading a few interesting books that address the concept of 'power,' in two different ways. "The 48 Laws of Power" by Robert Greene overtly addresses the many psychological components and types of power, using 'successful' and 'unsuccessful' historical examples to enforce his key theories. I use the words 'successful' and 'unsuccessful' a bit loosely here because there are times when the examples utilized seem subjective and arbitrary, even questionably lacking honorable character. Then again, that would be assuming 'power' has a strictly negative or positive connotation. What perplexes and confounds me is the more middle/gray areas on the negative/positive continuum though, things that don't make it easy to distinguish whether something of 'power' is purely 'good' or undeniably 'bad.' Especially when it seems easily applicable to one's personal experiences in life. In theory, things are always simpler. But we don't live day to day strictly on theories.
Another book I'm reading takes a more subtle approach in examining issues with 'power.' It wasn't written with that intent, but I can extrapolate an underlying theme of power from it nonetheless.
"Beautiful Boy," a memoir about drug addiction written by an addict's father explores the overall spectrum of addiction, including the father's questioning of whether there was something he himself did that somehow influenced his son down the road of drugs. As the novel progresses (I'm on page 116 so far), it is increasingly clear that the father has no control or power over the events that unfold with his son. For the first time, I think I got an inkling of that sense of vulnerability a parent feels about wanting their child to be safe and healthy. I know I can't totally know what it feels like since I'm not a parent myself, but oddly I could sense it from the author's words. It made me wonder what I would (or even could, if at all) do if I were a parent who found out my child were somehow in danger.
I talked about this with my mom yesterday, as she (interestingly) is also reading a book that talks about 'power.' I asked her if she ever worried about Alex or I becoming drug addicts (a hypothetical example) or anything else very serious/scary happening throughout our childhoods. My mom shared with me that she never really felt she was cut out to be a parent and felt guilty from mistakes she made as a parent, but at the same time her philosophy is that realistically, we're not always going to be happy and problem-free in life. Sometimes it will be great, and sometimes it will be hard. Seems like a simple and practical outlook, but yet lost on so many 'helicopter' parents who desperately hover over their children to protect them from every conceivable thing. Again, it all goes back to power.
Do we have power and control only when we acknowledge to ourselves that it is just a matter of perception and the ability to 'let go' of it at any moment? I'm beginning to think so, and I bet you would agree with examples of your own. Think about all the times you have tried so hard to control and make something happen (or the flip side, avoid something from happening). Usually, the more you focus on it, the more futile it seems. But when you relax or stop obsessing about it, the desire for power and control diminishes. Such a hard thing to do. Why?
Because the stakes seem to be so high. But without risk and trust in the best possible outcome, there's also no sense of the EMpowerment in hindsight. Confused? Ok, here's a perfect example I was discussing with my mom yesterday in regard to my relationship to 'power.'
Living in the big city of Chicago for several years has molded me into a very independent and self-sufficient person. I was in for a shock when I got to Seattle and found myself feeling a lack of power in regard to traveling. I suddenly felt stuck, lost, and confused every time I ventured onto the Seattle Metro. I went from feeling a sense of power and independence from 'the known' of Chicago to a sense of inferiority and dependence on others here in Seattle. I don't do well with relying on other people to help me. I have no idea why, perhaps I feel I am inferior if I can't be self-sufficient. In any case, I have had to persevere despite my feeling this way and constantly depend/trust perfect strangers to help guide me to my destination. Sometimes I have felt a minor sense of empowerment (when I was able to avoid fearful thoughts of getting lost) and other times I had mini meltdowns of frustration and agitation (I let it consume me). My perception dictates the outcome.
Risk and trust. Reality and illusion. Power is everything and nothing at all.
Is power a skewed and illusory perception of control and sense of self (or any particular entity, ie a country, idea, belief, culture, freedom,etc.)? Is there such thing as empowerment? What about control? How much do we really have of this idea of 'power' and 'control?' Does one's spiritual/religious (or lack thereof) mindset also influence how much power and control one wields?
I find myself fluctuating between feeling we actively choose what we empower and/or dis-empower within ourselves and our lives....to also feeling that there is no such thing as power. Where does illusion end and reality begin?
On the subject of power.....I'm currently reading a few interesting books that address the concept of 'power,' in two different ways. "The 48 Laws of Power" by Robert Greene overtly addresses the many psychological components and types of power, using 'successful' and 'unsuccessful' historical examples to enforce his key theories. I use the words 'successful' and 'unsuccessful' a bit loosely here because there are times when the examples utilized seem subjective and arbitrary, even questionably lacking honorable character. Then again, that would be assuming 'power' has a strictly negative or positive connotation. What perplexes and confounds me is the more middle/gray areas on the negative/positive continuum though, things that don't make it easy to distinguish whether something of 'power' is purely 'good' or undeniably 'bad.' Especially when it seems easily applicable to one's personal experiences in life. In theory, things are always simpler. But we don't live day to day strictly on theories.
Another book I'm reading takes a more subtle approach in examining issues with 'power.' It wasn't written with that intent, but I can extrapolate an underlying theme of power from it nonetheless.
"Beautiful Boy," a memoir about drug addiction written by an addict's father explores the overall spectrum of addiction, including the father's questioning of whether there was something he himself did that somehow influenced his son down the road of drugs. As the novel progresses (I'm on page 116 so far), it is increasingly clear that the father has no control or power over the events that unfold with his son. For the first time, I think I got an inkling of that sense of vulnerability a parent feels about wanting their child to be safe and healthy. I know I can't totally know what it feels like since I'm not a parent myself, but oddly I could sense it from the author's words. It made me wonder what I would (or even could, if at all) do if I were a parent who found out my child were somehow in danger.
I talked about this with my mom yesterday, as she (interestingly) is also reading a book that talks about 'power.' I asked her if she ever worried about Alex or I becoming drug addicts (a hypothetical example) or anything else very serious/scary happening throughout our childhoods. My mom shared with me that she never really felt she was cut out to be a parent and felt guilty from mistakes she made as a parent, but at the same time her philosophy is that realistically, we're not always going to be happy and problem-free in life. Sometimes it will be great, and sometimes it will be hard. Seems like a simple and practical outlook, but yet lost on so many 'helicopter' parents who desperately hover over their children to protect them from every conceivable thing. Again, it all goes back to power.
Do we have power and control only when we acknowledge to ourselves that it is just a matter of perception and the ability to 'let go' of it at any moment? I'm beginning to think so, and I bet you would agree with examples of your own. Think about all the times you have tried so hard to control and make something happen (or the flip side, avoid something from happening). Usually, the more you focus on it, the more futile it seems. But when you relax or stop obsessing about it, the desire for power and control diminishes. Such a hard thing to do. Why?
Because the stakes seem to be so high. But without risk and trust in the best possible outcome, there's also no sense of the EMpowerment in hindsight. Confused? Ok, here's a perfect example I was discussing with my mom yesterday in regard to my relationship to 'power.'
Living in the big city of Chicago for several years has molded me into a very independent and self-sufficient person. I was in for a shock when I got to Seattle and found myself feeling a lack of power in regard to traveling. I suddenly felt stuck, lost, and confused every time I ventured onto the Seattle Metro. I went from feeling a sense of power and independence from 'the known' of Chicago to a sense of inferiority and dependence on others here in Seattle. I don't do well with relying on other people to help me. I have no idea why, perhaps I feel I am inferior if I can't be self-sufficient. In any case, I have had to persevere despite my feeling this way and constantly depend/trust perfect strangers to help guide me to my destination. Sometimes I have felt a minor sense of empowerment (when I was able to avoid fearful thoughts of getting lost) and other times I had mini meltdowns of frustration and agitation (I let it consume me). My perception dictates the outcome.
Risk and trust. Reality and illusion. Power is everything and nothing at all.
5 comments:
Very Nicely Writen!
Katie,
One of the things that I think you should have also addressed is to how people get power. We are under the mistaken impression in this world that people take power, whether that be in politics, in careers, in relationships, etc. The reality, to me, is that people are given power by others. How many ruthless dictators have come up simply because the people were afraid so they entrusted the solutions to one man (or woman)? HOw many relationships have gone sour because one or both partners ceded too much to the other in the hope that the other person would make it work out? How many times have co-workers ceded responsibility to another so that they can get out of a fix and then complain when the other person is given the promotion instead?
Power only becomes an issue in a society as complacent as ours. Too many people are content to "let someone else do it." There in lies the problem. The powerlessness you feel walking in the metro area of Seattle only feels such because it is what you have given it.
Of course, this is only my opinion.
I'm not trying to accuse you of being weak or anything since I DO NOT THINK THAT about you. :)
Thanks for writing something to spur a conversation.
Take care and let me know how things are going for you.
Chris
Chris,
Wow, thanks for your in depth response....definite food for thought! I agree with your ideas/theories; they definitely reinforce some of what I touched upon...how people don't take power from us...at least more than we ALLOW them to take and/or the actions we choose to take based on our perception of something and how strongly it makes us feel (whether negatively or positively).
In regard to your dictator question, I don't think it has as much to do with fear as it does with the complacency you mention. Society overall seems to favor putting responsibility in the hands of others rather than speak or take action for something. Is it because they are too lazy to take the more difficult route? I suppose this doesn't sound like much of an issue of 'power' if you look at it in such a light, but think about it...some people don't want the responsibility of power because it involves a gamble, a high degree of risk. Then, there are others who thrive off the thrill of the aforementioned. It can go both ways, eh? :)
Don't even get me started on the relationship question. Hahaha. I could probably devote a whole class on that topic of discussion. It reminds me of something I found interesting in one of my grad classes that I never forgot. While studying the dynamics of couples in conflict, the brilliant marriage researcher John Gottman identified four factors that he believed had a strong indication of the future success or failure of a marriage. He called them The Four Horsemen: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. The presence of contempt is probably the worst of all. I also read this book called "Passionate Marriage" by David Schnarch (a sex therapist) that was absolutely phenomenal in challenging the traditional notions we have about relationships and power dynamics, especially in relation to the idea of 'differentiation' (the ability to be oneself and stay strong to who you are, regardless of how unhappy you are in a romantic relationship...therein lies the true 'power' for change). Furthermore, he also talks about how the person with the lowest sexual desire in the relationship is the one who dictates the most power. Interesting, huh? Ok, I'm done rambling...but I welcome further discussion if you want to continue the thread. :)
And no worries about stepping on my toes or me misinterpreting something you say....my feathers don't get ruffled easily. I'm a therapist, remember? ;)
~Katie
Katie,
You wrote: "Furthermore, he [Schnarch] also talks about how the person with the lowest sexual desire in the relationship is the one who dictates the most power. Interesting, huh?"
Right there, that, for me, confirms what went on in my relationship with Jessi. Thanks for the elucidation!
Chris
You're welcome, anytime!
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