I'm more in shape than the dog.

A sad, but true statement indeed. Why? For starters, I haven't engaged in vigorous exercise (such as jogging/running) for about 4-5 months until yesterday. My eating habits are average, but definitely not stellar. I am perpetually 20-30 pounds over my ideal weight, something I've struggled with for years. And yet, my endurance and speed during exercise surpasses that of the 9 year old family Sheltie dog, Chloe. I don't know whether to be comforted, disturbed, or a combination of both by this revelation.

I took her for a walk/jog this afternoon, eager to stave off boredom and give the both of us something healthy and active to do. While I would jog off and on, she merely lagged behind on her medium long leash. In fact, I could have jogged MORE and for alot longer but I didn't because she couldn't. What is wrong with this picture, I wondered. How sad it is when a dog is more sedentary and out of shape than a human?

As far back as I can remember, food and exercise have been two sides of the same coin: an enemy in my life. Food was constantly around and exercise wasn't enforced nearly enough for it to become a part of my daily living. I've spent more years fat than thin (or more so, just less fat). The only exercise I remember doing as a child (pre-teen years) was required gym classes at school, a few karate classes I took for fun when I was around 9 or 10, and swimming in the pool during the summers. Not exactly frequent enough exercise to maintain a healthy lifestyle and ideal weight for a child quite susceptible to becoming overweight. Exercise wasn't typically framed as a fun experience, something to be shared with family members. That was usually just reserved for...yup, eating. Exercise felt more like an upward task to me, a dreaded and challenging 'chore' for an overweight girl like me to overcome on her own.

Once I started engaging in any exercise (such as jogging or rollerblading), it wasn't until my later high school and early college years. A sedentary lifestyle was more the rule than the exception within my family. My parents taught me a strong work ethic, that in order to succeed in life one must be persistent, focused, determined to work hard for it. Sometimes I wonder how growing up for me would have been different if they had instilled that same quality within me regarding my physical health. I'm not saying this in a judgmental way towards my parents, more out of just curious reflection.

My dad has always been of average to thin body weight, his eating habits also average. While I don't recall seeing him exercise much beyond my vague memories of him rollerblading and doing the occasional workout training for work-related physicals, he tends to remain active and healthy through home improvement projects and the like. I think he tends to take the all things in moderation approach. My mom, on the other hand, doesn't tend to have the best eating habits (she, like me, tends to be an emotional eater) and isn't very motivated to exercise. Years ago, she did go through a phase when she was actively and happily involved in karate classes....but once she messed up her back from it over time, she gave it up and that was that. It makes me wonder if I had more physically active parents, maybe exercising would have come more naturally and regularly with me.

I see so many parents and families that have taken it to a whole other level, an obsessive quest for competition and perfection in the name of sports. I'm certainly not enforcing that approach either (It's one of the numerous reasons I loathe sports actually, but I'm getting off topic!). All I'm talking about is creating a balance between one's physical, mental, and emotional health.

If someone's mentally or emotionally unhealthy, we usually encourage them to exercise their brain/mental muscles. The same must occur for physical health and for optimal health of oneself. After all, one's physical health can have a significant impact on one's mental and emotional health. Research confirms this! It builds confidence, motivation, relieves tension, and boosts one's energy to conquer life tasks. I'm not saying anything new; everyone knows this. So why aren't we doing anything differently? It's not just me or my family dog. Obesity rates in the United States continue to skyrocket as never before.

If being lazy is just another learned behavior we can change, why aren't we learning newer healthier behaviors?

I think one of the reasons I can empathize (if even on the slightest scale) with how difficult it is for drug addicts to become completely sober is because I am reminded of how many times and how many years I've been trying to lead a healthier lifestyle of proper diet and exercise. You can want something really bad, but it never happens in the blink of an eye.

As with addicts, "relapse" is part of the change/recovery. Being hard on yourself will only leave you feeling discouraged, defeated. Making excuses for a bad habit, however, will only enable you to keep doing it. Thus, trying a little harder and smarter with more mindfulness of what you're doing each time is part of the ongoing process. As I said, I honestly didn't start exercising much until I started college, whether by going to the gym or working out with a friend. It lasted for awhile, but sure enough, once I was in a different environment I stopped. I gained the workout momentum once again while in graduate school, going for runs by the nearby lake or using the elliptical machines at Bally's. Once I no longer could afford a gym membership though, the frequency of exercise dwindled. Naturally, I slowly gained weight that I had worked so diligently to lose in my longterm disciplinary efforts towards a more fit body.

Food isn't a drug, but it has been my destructive habit when abused....regular exercise my rehab. So in a way, this is how I can understand how long it takes to change a negatively learned behavior.

I'm not sure how long my recent motivation for being physically active will last, but I'm oddly comforted and hopeful by the fact that I'm still doing better than the dog. Maybe I can be her motivation....and she can be a reminder of my own willingness to change.