(photo and quotes from "Lars and the Real Girl")Lars Lindstrom:I was talking to Bianca, and she was saying that in her culture they have these rites of passages and rituals and cermonies, and, just all kinds of things that, when you do them, go through them, let you know that you're an adult? Doesn't that sound great?
Gus: It does.
Lars Lindstrom: How'd you know?
Gus: How'd I know what?
Lars Lindstrom: That you were a man.
Gus: Ahhh. I couldn't tell ya.
Lars Lindstrom: Was it... okay, was it sex?
Gus: Um. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's uh, yeah, yeah it's kind of - it's uh - no. Well, it's kind of sex but it's not uh, you know? I don't know. I don't know. It's - uh - good question, good question.
Lars Lindstrom: Yeah, but I have to know.
Gus: [dryer buzzes] Hold that thought.
Gus: [in basement] You know, you should ask Dagmar.
Lars Lindstrom: I did ask Dagmar. And she said that I should ask you.
Gus: Okay, you know I can only give you my opinion.
Lars Lindstrom: That's what we want.
Gus: Well, it's not like you're one thing or the other, okay? There's still a kid inside but you grow up when you decide to do right, okay, and not what's right for you, what's right for everybody, even when it hurts.
Lars Lindstrom: Okay, like what?
Gus: Like, you know, like, you don't jerk people around, you know, and you don't cheat on your woman, and you take care of your family, you know, and you admit when you're wrong, or you try to, anyways. That's all I can think of, you know - it sound like it's easy and for some reason it's not.
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I watched this movie the other day. Although it was odd, the above conversation really struck a chord with me. I like Gus' idea of when you really feel like an adult.
Becoming an adult seems different than feeling like one. My mom and I were talking about this today while we were taking a long walk---about parents, family, adulthood. She told me she didn't really feel like an adult until she was 30 years old. "Why?" I asked. It was when she was able to start setting boundaries in her relationship with her mother, my grandmother. She also started doing what she wanted to do, what she most wanted to do with her life.
I was surprised, however, when she went on to say that when she has asked students in a classroom discussion this question ("When are you an adult?" ) she seemed to answer differently.
"I get alot of resistance from students when I ask them. They will say 'Oh, when I'm 35 or 40' and I say 'No, you're an adult when you turn 18."
I turn to my mom quizzically, "Mom, surely you don't believe that psychologically a person is an 'adult' when they turn 18? And I thought you were technically an 'adult' when you're 21, not 18."
"No, that's just for drinking. You can vote at 18 years old." She went on to say that while someone may not feel like an adult at 18, it is at that age that one must learn how to start acting like an adult because mom and dad can't keep bailing you out anytime a problem arises.
I suppose that makes sense. While I certainly had moments where I felt like an adult from 18 years and up, I didn't REALLY feel like an adult until maybe I was 28 years old. Why?
I stopped taking things personally (aka, not everything is about me).
My parents became people (imagine that, they're people too? Who knew! hahaha)with their own thoughts, feelings, lives that I really wanted to know and have a more authentic relationship with. This included forgiving whatever happened in the past and moving on.
I stopped living in the past so much and began focusing on creating my life in the 'present.'
I became not just responsible for myself, but other people....in a big way (my counseling job).
So, if given the chance to be a child again with all there is to learn....I think I'll savor my adulthood. :)
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