Receiving and just being

How often do I allow myself to be nurtured and taken care of? Not very often, I realized today.
But that is about to change. I'm shifting my focus into something more positive. Thank you to the wonderful people who gave me some spiritual insight into understanding myself more today. You know who you are. :)

I have always been the kind of person who felt it is always better to give, love, and give even more, that in doing so, it made me a good person. And it does, but it's also important that I allow it to come back to me. It seems easier for us to believe, know, and have faith that others deserve the best in life. "Don't give up!" we tell them. We want them to live and breathe the positive. When tables are turned, it can be a whole other ballgame, easier to give words of wisdom than live them as our own. So this is what I'm working on now: allowing myself to be happy, quiet, and living in the moment regardless of the temporary challenges I perceive to be going on. Most importantly, not beating myself up or feeling guilty about chilling out for once.

Over the years, I have struggled with perfectionism and a sense of being productive with a job/career to give me meaning and define who I am. I thought that being independent and self-sufficient meant that I had to do everything on my own, that I was weak or lazy if I had to ask others for help or unworthy if I sought love, affection, or anything else from people. This is simply not true. I'm working on embracing experiences that allow me to receive good things and stop the inner voices that say otherwise. It's time for Katie to receive. And it's ok for Katie to receive. It has no negative connotations, only positive. I will continue to look for work and stay positive that the right job will present itself at just the right time, but I will also enjoy this time for reflection, reassessing, and becoming aware of who I want to be in the process. I'll also appreciate the extra time petting my sweet dog and spending time talking and laughing with my parents. I'll continue to savor my regular exercise routine around the neighborhood, inhaling the fresh air and sweet smell of spring flowers. I'll continue to enjoy reading all my books and where my writing takes me. In other words, this is my mental vacation to savor.

I am learning that "Katie" is more than her role as woman, daughter, friend, lover, confidant, student, writer, therapist, consumer, ad infinitum. I can just 'be' without any labels or 'doing' anything. I don't need to define myself by ANYTHING. Wow. It's amazing how having two months away from the working world can allow one to detach and reflect on the truly important things in life. For me, what is important? Being honest with myself, being true to who I am, loving myself and others even though I may not always understand or agree, and being open to greater wisdom for a fulfilling life.

I now embrace it.