Knowing thyself

I've been learning alot of new things about myself lately, good things. I am more content with myself, things about me that will likely always be at the core of who I am and things that are changing as I grow and become older. One of the biggest changes I have noticed about myself is how much I have come to enjoy being a day (versus night) person. When I was in my twenties, I loved the excitement of nightlife. The hustle and bustle of the city and people watching activated my senses with the utmost curiosity, what the night had in store for me. Since I have moved to Seattle and entered my thirties, however, I am noticing a whole new side of myself that is ready to start my day early and savor its possibilities. I like venturing out into the beauty of nature....mountains, flowers, gardens. This is what fills my senses and gives me the simplest of joys now.

Last weekend I went to Portland, Oregon with my mom. No particular reason; just for fun. We spent the day hanging out with our friend, shopping and eating delicious food. It occurred to me that my favorite meal to eat in a restaurant now is breakfast. Eggs, potatoes, toast, fresh squeezed orange juice, and french pressed coffee makes for a divine meal in my book. And what a way to start the day! Among a few of the things I found amusing about myself during that trip was the fact that I found myself annoyed by a large group of obnoxiously intoxicated twentysomething 'kids' sitting behind us in a restaurant one night. While the dinner we had was delicious, I was eager to get back to the hotel room for some solitude and to pamper myself with a bubble bath. My mom chuckled at the irony of her wanting to take a shower and my wanting to take a bath (a role reversal)....a sign to myself that I have entered my thirties with new personality qualities and a shift in lifestyle.

On the way home from Portland, we stumbled upon a Lilac Garden and tulip farm. We did various fun things while in Portland, yet this was the most satisfying part of my trip....an unexpected and spontaneous adventure off the beaten path. With the smells of lilac flooding my nose and my eyes glued to the lens of my camera, I blissfully snapped away and took it all in. I was in my own personal heaven. I thought about my grandparents and how much I missed them, yet felt their love so strongly as if it were yesterday that I could see them in the flesh (they have been deceased for over 15 years).

I love tulips. I value intimacy with people whom I really care about. I loathe crowds and loudness. I appreciate the city for its intrigue and nature for its fresh air, beauty, and simplicity. I like exploring during the day and time to myself at night. I like living in a quiet, residential neighborhood that is not too close and not too far from the city....just right. I like taking photos and expressing myself creatively. I like being appreciated for my thoughts and what I can contribute to others, whether family, friends, clients, or absolute strangers. I am living more in the moment, practicing what I "preach" (to my clients) with mindfulness and gratitude.

I like doing more things for myself that I wouldn't do before, either because I thought it cost too much money or I was too busy with being a city girl. What do I mean by this? In a word: pampering. Massages, getting my nails done, spending $35 on an impromptu invite to see David Sedaris (love him!), buying flowers and domestic items for my home, and traveling/going places. When I was younger, I was always the kid who would use her birthday money to buy Christmas presents for family members. It became more natural to do things generously for other people, yet not so much myself. It still feels weird to me sometimes to spend money on myself. Once in awhile I will catch myself thinking, "Do you really need that?" or "If you can spend money on yourself, why don't you get this, that, or the other for so and so?" Perhaps I secretly believed that I could only be loved and appreciated if I did something thoughtful and unexpected, rather than it being possible that much of what I have to offer cannot be reduced to materialistic actions. I am still generous with others, but I demonstrate it in a much broader sense now.

Life is good. :)