What's my purpose?

When I was a senior in high school, it was while I took a psychology course out of mere curiosity and interest that I found myself intrigued by the subject....so much so that I delved into it more and majored in psychology my freshman year of college. My sophomore year of college I took a sociology class about families and relationships. During one particular class, the teacher brought in a marriage and family counselor who spoke about what it was like to be this kind of therapist, what it entailed,etc. I remember getting this feeling that I really wanted to do that, in a strong sense that I was even "meant" to do that.

After receiving my BA in Psychology and feeling "lost" for a year without any full-time employment, I decided it was time for me to really reflect on what I wanted to do next. It was at that time I made the bold decision to move to Chicago and pursue a master's degree in Marriage and Family Counseling. This was truly a life changing experience for me, all 6 years of it (living there)!

Though this is not something a majority of people know about me (even those closest to me), I have always been powerfully guided by spiritual principles and intuition....I just rarely talk about it. It is the one part of my life that is totally sacred, something I would rather experience than talk about.

For me, no time is greater for growth than in the unknown-ness of what direction my life will take next. A part of me though wonders if that is because I thought I knew my spiritual purpose.
From that high school psych class to grad school to my almost 5 years as a therapist, I have spent the last 14 years believing that it was my purpose (and I truly speak with no ego, only good intentions) in life to help heal others. It has been a valuable journey and I am blessed to have been a part of various individuals' healing processes....yet I am in a transition right now that has me feeling like I do not want to do it anymore, that it is no longer what I am meant to do. I have spent so much of my life taking care of other people, focusing on them, helping them, being attentive to them...and while it wasn't in vain, it has been to my own detriment alot of times. It's scary, strange, liberating, and exciting to envision what my life would be like to spend most of my time taking care of myself and living my passions rather than taking care of other people and living vicariously through their passions.

I have been thinking constantly about wanting to do something serious with my writing, something big. A part of me wonders if this is what I am meant to do next, yet I am not sure how to get there, when, or how. All I know is that whatever I write, I want it to mean something. I want to write about things that will touch people in some way and contribute to society. I am definitely in a transition and trying to allow myself to "let go" of the old in order to make room for the new me.

I've been experiencing alot of things lately that are drawing me to a different way of life. I've had very telling dreams. I also find myself giving clients feedback of a spiritual nature that I feel I need to honor within myself in order to be true to myself. I am more selective about who I choose to talk to and interact with, trying to avoid people who seem negative, judgmental, or not on a similar "path" as myself. I am becoming more aware of what I consume, both with food and drink. I am eating more fresh produce and less junk. I have reduced my "emotional" eating patterns. I am more "green" with the environment and have been recycling since I moved to Seattle. I spend more time in nature. I have less tolerance and interest in alcohol, as well as that being a medium to "connect" with others. I would rather connect in deeper ways. Surprisingly even to myself, I have even been considering giving up alcohol totally. I feel like it has no use for me in the overall scheme of things.

In addition, after reading a book about self-care written by a former social worker here in Seattle, I realized just how much I've been lacking in that department. I've been neglecting what brings me joy, happiness, and peace. So I decided to sign up for a creative writing class, which I will start in a few weeks. I'm incredibly excited. My mom recently gave me a book on creative nonfiction to read, something she just read and thought I would like too. As I started reading it on Saturday, I found myself getting excited about it. I even looked up the creative nonfiction website associated with the book's editor Lee Gutkind. I also went to Gutkind's webpage.

Between looking at both webpages, I was pulled by this strong feeling of "THAT" is what I want to do in some shape or form. The definition of what creative nonfiction embodies, Gutkind's literary philosophy ("mission statement" if you will), and the literary career he has had over the years (teaching and writing books with different themes) finally put a name to the kind of writing I am passionate about and strive to emulate.

A part of me really wants to pursue a degree in creative nonfiction with an institute in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania (where Gutkind teaches), but how is that possible? Is that something I truly want? Am I crazy? How do I make a career out of my passion for writing given that I have no degree or work experience in writing? What do I do if I don't know what I want other than simply wanting to write? Passion and purpose are two sides of the same coin, at least for me.

I hope this is where my intuition and receptivity to spiritual guidance comes in to get my answer. I need some signs.