You may recall a few months ago I wrote a blog about post-partum friendships (ie, how my friendships with friends have changed since they've become mothers). Well, this blog is a followup/sequel to that blog. I've had all sorts of thoughts running through my mind since I took a trip last week to see a close friend of mine (who is now a mom to a 10 month old).
It's one thing to intellectualize a concept; it's quite another to observe or experience it firsthand. While I once appreciated when friends would candidly tell me their pregnancy and motherhood experiences (the good, the bad, the ugly, and even the gross), I now am starting to resent knowing more than I want to know. "Why's that?" you're probably wondering. Well, as the cliche so succinctly puts it....Ignorance can be more blissful. The more I know about what comes with parenthood, the less appeal it has for me.
Up until a week ago, I never thought about whether or not I would have children someday. Let me rephrase that. I can't remember there ever being a time when I asked myself if I didn't want to be a mother at some point in my lifetime. I blindly accepted that as something I wanted for myself without ever really thinking deeply about all it entails.....especially those first 12 months of the child's life. What's funny is that the last few years I have been worrying about my biological clock, wondering how much 'time I have left' to find the guy and then create the kid. Now that anxiety seems to be disappearing....
While staying at my friend's house for 5 days, I witnessed two very sleep deprived, loving and nurturing parents as they tended to their 10 month old son's various needs. I got tired just watching them! I honestly wondered how they could do it....24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I realize it takes more work in the beginning because a baby is totally dependent on you for everything, but it really had me wondering if I could (or would really want to) make that kind of lifetime commitment/responsibility. I know there are amazing things to parenthood, so I'm not bashing it or anything. I just don't know if it's for me. Or maybe I would feel differently if I had a great husband to share the parenting. It's just hard to conceptualize. Then again, maybe I'm wasting my time.
Maybe it's futile to intellectualize the experience of being a parent because if all human beings did so, the human race might not continue reproducing at all. haha. I don't know. All I do know is that whenever I find the right guy out there that I'm meant to be with for the long haul, I don't want to rush into having a child and 'lose' my significant other before I ever really had him. There are things I want to experience with Future Husband (for instance, traveling together around the world comes to mind as one example) that would be difficult to do with a child in the picture. Perhaps I may decide to be a mother one day, but I also may not.
What I've gleaned from my recent experience with my friend and her 10 month old child is that I don't have to buy into what everyone else is doing just because they're doing it. I can have my own perceptions and realizations, my own desires. I can come to my own conclusions...even if that means following the beat of a much different drum...just doing my own thing. Whatever that may be at the moment.
It's one thing to intellectualize a concept; it's quite another to observe or experience it firsthand. While I once appreciated when friends would candidly tell me their pregnancy and motherhood experiences (the good, the bad, the ugly, and even the gross), I now am starting to resent knowing more than I want to know. "Why's that?" you're probably wondering. Well, as the cliche so succinctly puts it....Ignorance can be more blissful. The more I know about what comes with parenthood, the less appeal it has for me.
Up until a week ago, I never thought about whether or not I would have children someday. Let me rephrase that. I can't remember there ever being a time when I asked myself if I didn't want to be a mother at some point in my lifetime. I blindly accepted that as something I wanted for myself without ever really thinking deeply about all it entails.....especially those first 12 months of the child's life. What's funny is that the last few years I have been worrying about my biological clock, wondering how much 'time I have left' to find the guy and then create the kid. Now that anxiety seems to be disappearing....
While staying at my friend's house for 5 days, I witnessed two very sleep deprived, loving and nurturing parents as they tended to their 10 month old son's various needs. I got tired just watching them! I honestly wondered how they could do it....24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I realize it takes more work in the beginning because a baby is totally dependent on you for everything, but it really had me wondering if I could (or would really want to) make that kind of lifetime commitment/responsibility. I know there are amazing things to parenthood, so I'm not bashing it or anything. I just don't know if it's for me. Or maybe I would feel differently if I had a great husband to share the parenting. It's just hard to conceptualize. Then again, maybe I'm wasting my time.
Maybe it's futile to intellectualize the experience of being a parent because if all human beings did so, the human race might not continue reproducing at all. haha. I don't know. All I do know is that whenever I find the right guy out there that I'm meant to be with for the long haul, I don't want to rush into having a child and 'lose' my significant other before I ever really had him. There are things I want to experience with Future Husband (for instance, traveling together around the world comes to mind as one example) that would be difficult to do with a child in the picture. Perhaps I may decide to be a mother one day, but I also may not.
What I've gleaned from my recent experience with my friend and her 10 month old child is that I don't have to buy into what everyone else is doing just because they're doing it. I can have my own perceptions and realizations, my own desires. I can come to my own conclusions...even if that means following the beat of a much different drum...just doing my own thing. Whatever that may be at the moment.
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