L

L,

Every once in awhile, I miss you. Today is one of those days.

Sure, I never missed waiting for you to pick me up, never miss being left wondering if you stood me up or waiting for an explanation in those moments you arrived interminably late when I was freezing my ass off on your platforms.

Nor do I miss how you smelled of stale urine, or finding used up drug needles you carelessly left behind on the seats near the west side.

I don't miss your redundant announcements or your empty promises to be more reliable, more inviting.

I don't miss how, because of you, I was brought face to face with some likely creepy criminals that could have harmed me but for whatever reason didn't.

But I miss the views you gave me from your windows.....the sunsets, the hustle and bustle of nightlife, the skyscrapers, a freshly fallen snow that leaves behind an almost silent purity.

I miss how you entertained me with your colorful characters, gave me time to collect my thoughts or read, and brought out the adventurous side in me.

I miss the places we would go, the people who tagged along for all those rides, and how there was always an element of unpredictability with you.

You were the first one I met, and though I was a bit rusty at the introductions, you became a comfort and familiarity....amidst the arduous demands of grad school, late nights out with fun friends, men who have come and gone, and the hardest job of my life before the crack of dawn.

You were there, a witness to the memories. Sometimes even my muse.

You're like a lover I don't want to miss because of my tendency to dismiss all those idiosyncrasies that made you a jerk.

But L, once in awhile,

I can't help myself from thinking about you like this, longing for more bittersweet experiences together.