At the recommendation of a friend, I reluctantly decided to read the new "erotic romance" novel Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James. I say 'reluctantly' because I noticed very polarized reviews from readers on GoodReads. People either seemed to give it 4-5 stars, or 1-2 stars. Based on the reviews and knowing what books or genres I tend to like the most, I was predicting it would be a 3 star read for me. It certainly started out that way in the beginning...but not in the end.
The author introduces us to the main characters Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey, two individuals who couldn't be any different from each other...the whole "opposites attract" scenario. But whatever, I'll go with it. I liked that it was set in Seattle, though the only place really mentioned was the touristy area of Pike Place Market and occasional drives on the infamous interstate 5. Apparently the author lives in London, so I'll give her a bit of a break for not using less stereotypical locations in the city....but I show no mercy for her regarding anything else in this farce of a novel.
Admittedly, I liked the novel for about the first 200 pages when it seemed to be leading somewhere. Or I was at least more willing to overlook the things I did not like about it, especially given it's the author's first novel. Of course it won't be flawless; I understand that. Around 350 (of a total of 514) pages in though, I was annoyed with every page.
I really wanted to like this novel, but it fell incredibly short on all levels. Where do I even begin?
1. The author is trying too hard to make the novel a heady mix of romance and erotica with BDSM elements to it. Um....those three don't tend to go together. Anyone that knows the psychology of human sexual behavior should know that. No wonder Anastasia was confused by Christian Grey's behavior. Hell, I the reader was confused by his behavior. No heterosexual male in the real world would say flowery things to a woman one minute (if at all!), followed by kinky shit, then boyfriend/significant other talk the next. And when Christian is confused about his commitment issues, he blames it on his early upbringing. "My mom was a crack whore." Really? Really?! You can't get more inventive than that stereotype, Ms. James? So lame.
2. It also annoyed me that these characters could never make up their minds. It made them very unlikeable. Early on, Christian makes a sexual contract that he asks Ana to read thoroughly and sign if she wants to willingly participate in the various sexual practices. Throughout the novel, she is wishy washy about whether she wants to abide by the 'rules' of the contract yet the contract is pointless because she has her sexual free for all with him anyway. I'm pretty sure this would never fly in the real world of the BDSM community where honesty and clear decision making is paramount to participate in these acts.
3. The author's use of vocabulary is redundant and insipid. As at least one other reviewer has noted, the same phrases are annoyingly used over and over and over again. If I had to drink alcohol every time I read "I flush" or "my inner goddess" or even "holy crap/holy smokes/holy cow," I'd be intoxicated within minutes. For a subject (an attempt at the topic of BDSM anyway) that requires confidence, a certain level of fearlessness, and lack of inhibitions, the writing was prudish and juvenile. She maybe used the word 'clitoris' two or three times in the 514 pages. Otherwise, it was 'my sex' or 'down there.' Really? If you can't say it, you shouldn't be writing any book about erotica, romance, or porn.
4. Poor character development and terrible plot. The beginning of the book had some promise, as it seemed to be building up to something. The reader is introduced to a handful of other characters that made the story a little well-rounded and believeable. Once the focus shifts solely on Anastasia and Christian, however, all character development (including that of Ana and Christian) stagnates. I kept waiting for the big reveal from Christian why he was 'fifty shades of fucked up.' Other than his big 'secret' that his biological mom was a 'crack whore,' the author left much to be desired. The second half of the book also had no flow to it....nothing but one poorly contrived sex scene after another.
5. How is this a bestseller and how did this manage to become a series? This book did not turn me on and I will not be reading the other two.
I've never written such a critical review of any book before, which speaks volumes given that I'm an avid and open-minded reader. I just can't get over how a book can be so terrible and yet loved by so many women that are giving it 4 or 5 stars. Sad.
Ladies, if you want erotica of real substance and intelligent writing....read Anais Nin's work, particularly Henry and June. Hot. If you want novels with a more accurate portrayal of BDSM, look to your local BDSM community for the best recommendations. Or better yet, check out the works of the Marquis de Sade. But be forewarned, it's not for the squeamish or the faint of heart. If you want your fix of 'unrealistic romance fantasy,' stick with Harlequin?
As for Fifty Shades (of Bad Writing), it's one of the few books that is deserving of the 1 star I have given it. God help us everyone when they make this novel into a movie. And may Ryan Gosling be the one to save us in our turned off state of mind.
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