(Note: The name of the following client has been changed to protect confidentiality)I just had a very interesting session with one of my clients, the kind of session where I am reminded just how fascinating my job can be at times. I get the opportunity to talk about things with people that in most work situations would be frowned upon, possibly even deemed "politically incorrect." Yes, that's right....I'm talking about race. After my session was over, as I reflected on the discussion I had with one of my favorite clients, I was reminded of another favorite of mine....the phenomenal movie "Crash." A movie that aims to expose the shadowy, dark side of many different races, it also sets the stage for viewers to take a look at their own idiosyncratic prejudices....including taking a look at negative stereotypes perpetuated by one's own race. I won't go into the plot of the movie because if you haven't seen it, you must see for yourself.
What I would like to articulate, however, is the topic of discussion I had with my client. For the sake of making this easier to convey, let's just call my client "Jane." I have been seeing her for two years now. I don't think she even needs a counselor, as she has been clean for as long as I have known her!! A 44 year old strong minded and independent black woman, "Jane" is perhaps my most put together, intelligent, honest, witty, insightful, and articulate clients out of the about 50 clients on my caseload. Sometimes we will talk about what's going on with her work situation, other times it will be about her family relationships, her husband,etc. Whatever it may be, sessions with her always flow very easily and to be honest, I look forward to sessions with her! My coworker Carol and I joke off and on that if all our clients were like "Jane," our jobs would be so easy. Hahaha. Anyway, just giving a little background info on her and our rapport to set the scenario for what I'm about to describe as our discussion.
Somehow, and I'm trying to remember how this came up (this tends to happen...I usually can't remember how topics are broached...just happens with my magical therapist-like powers to get others to open up I guess...hahaha!) she brought up things she doesn't like about her race. She mentioned how she had once watched comedian Bernie Mac's standup show in which he talked about stereotypes of African Americans, which Jane listed aloud as she spoke to me: "that they can be lazy, will show up for a job at whatever time they want to, and that they don't seem to take care each other as a race." She told me that she tended to agree with him, based on experiences she has had. I questioned my client on the generalizations, challenging her perspective on her experiences...."Maybe it was just a particular person's personality, not really a race issue" I suggested. But Jane gave me a handful of examples to back up her belief that her race is "divided." She tells me one time when she got on the bus, a black male driver was very friendly and overly talkative with a white well-to-do Gucci bag carrying female in front of her. When Jane gave a cheery "Hello" to the driver too, however, according to my client, his demeanor changed to that of abrupt unfriendliness. Another example involved Jane going to McDonald's to get something to eat. She described being in line amongst 2 or 3 other people that were white and/or hispanic. Jane went to order with the young, black woman behind the counter, who Jane adamantally says saw Jane and overlooked her to take the order for the person after her. It also extends to Jane's experiences at work, where she has observed her black coworkers clocking in/returning from their break whenever they want to.
I looked quizzically at Jane, as it was clear to me that surely it wasn't anything she could have possibly been doing in all these scenarios (if you recall how I described her earlier: sociable, kind, intelligent,etc) to repeatedly keep experiencing such things. I asked her "If this is true, as you believe it to be (in your experience), why do you think your race doesn't want to help each other/take care of one another....a fear of success?" Jane wasn't entirely sure, though she did wonder whether children who grow up in ghettos really know much better/different if it's all they have experienced in their reality. Her bringing up the topic brought me to ask her something I had been pondering when I stumbled across a segment on "60 Minutes" Sunday night. It's rare that I will talk about things I have seen, read, watched,etc with my clients, but if I feel it is relevant to a session I am having with a client, once in awhile, I will add my own thoughts and observations on something. I told Jane that she brought up an interesting theory, though I wondered what she would think about this, as it seemed opposite of what I saw on the "60 Minutes" segment. Anderson Cooper was interviewing a few different people regarding why it is that hip hop/rap artists will not cooperate with police in capturing someone the artist may know have killed another musician in the industry, such as the late TuPac or Notorious BIG. He had asked one rapper (I can't remember the guy's name) that if he knew a serial killer was living next door to him, would he then be inclined to talk with police? The rapper said he would probably move, but would not go so far as to be a "snitch." I couldn't quite wrap my head around it and curiously asked Jane what she thought about that. Jane seemed to believe the hip hop/rap artists are just "covering their own ass" and that while they put on a tough front, are in actuality afraid someone will come after/kill them if they were to tell police, especially since they are more vulnerable targets as celebrities/performing concerts in public forums,etc. I thought it made sense, when Jane framed it that way. While race issues are definitely prevalent in society, when it comes to fears, vulnerabilities, and protecting oneself, we are all simply of the human race in that department.
After Jane left my office nearly an hour later, I thought about how refreshingly open and honest it was talking with her. I'm not sure whether her feelings and experiences on relations with her race will become more positive for her in the future, but what I do appreciate is the fact that a middle aged black woman and a young white woman can have such an open-minded discussion in a society where the media likes to sensationalize prejudice BETWEEN races. Maybe what makes us different on the outside has a powerful way of reminding us how much we are actually alike on the inside. It just goes to show that when you think you really know something, you really know nothing...and that is the greatest lesson to be learned.
