I thought maybe I was just this way when it comes to guys/dating, but this also happens with family or friends I have not talked to or seen in awhile. Alot of times, I could be writing/emailing with someone and feel comfortable in that way, but if I have not talked to them on the phone or seen them in person in a long time, it's almost like "starting over" again....if that makes sense. I guess I'm so used to listening all the time, I'm not used to talking about myself. It's not that I don't have anything to say (obviously, by all the writing I do!), I just don't know what to say unless the person I'm talking to asks specific questions.This is more so with people I have to "warm up to" as I mentioned. Maybe it's due to the fact that I have so many long distance relationships. I have more relationships with people far away than actually live in the same city as myself.
On the other hand, there are other people who I can go for months or years without talking to, and when I talk to them again, I'm perfectly comfortable. I think that's mainly my college friends though, which is only a handful of my female friends. What's funny is that I know this about myself and am aware when I'm feeling a bit of social anxiety in such situations, but it is difficult to mentally remove myself from that feeling. Still trying to figure out how to overcome this unconscious form of nervousness. I guess I can live with it; I just don't want other people to misinterpret my temporary nervousness/self-consciousness as something on their part. Is this a strange quirk of mine?
4 comments:
I don't think it's necessarily a weird quirk. Why don't you dig a little deeper into the situations and see what you come up with? Make yourself sit down and come up with some reasons why you feel confident at work, and then do the same as to why you don't feel confident with some people. I’m sure this is something you ask clients to do all the time. Could some of it have something to do with the fact that you have trained yourself to see what part you’re going to play for a patient? Plus it’s not as easy for a patient to knock you down in emotions, because I would imagine that you subconsciously expect some resistance from most patients. But when it comes to people in our lives, whether friend of companion, there are always those questions of; does this person really mean the things they say, do they think I’m weird, what if I challenge this person in something, and will they still like me? And then there are still those questions from the past, will this person be like that other person in my past, or this or that or this or that. There are so many questions that can play in the mind when it comes to our own emotions. Most of these examples I give from my own past worries with people, so these might not have anything to do with your own situations, but maybe they will help in getting you in the right direction of the why in all this.
Wow, excellent food for thought. Thank you! I agree. I think it's easier with clients because they don't know anything about me, really. I think it's the whole intimacy thing, ya know? Even though I know all the textbook stuff about it, it's quite something else to "live it" (accept/feel comfortable having intimacy in relationships with others) at times. I think there's some lingering fears of rejection that I haven't been able to completely let go of yet.....like if someone finds something they don't like about me, their perception of me will change or maybe they don't want to talk to me again. Irrational, huh? Haha. It's a gradual process. :)
I know exactly what you are talking about. I think it is all about the chemistry you share with that person. I say chemistry, because I believe that chemistry exists among friends, not just romantic interests. You and I have chemistry, just not romantic. I feel like I have known you a long time. I don't believe we will ever have that "having to start over" feeling.
Anyway, I have a friend Emily who I have known since I was 16. We didn't talk for many years and then re-connected when I moved to Chicago (she lives here too). We kept telling each other that we would get together more often since we now live so close, but we don't. The reason I don't call her is precisely what you blogged about. It's like starting over, EVERY TIME. I have seen her probably 3 times in the last 3 years of living in Chicago. We just do not click the way we once did, or perhaps we never did.
It's interesting you should say that Eddie. Yesterday my friend Sara wrote a blog on myspace about "being nice vs. being honest." She was writing about the difference between the two in dating related matters, but I think it is just as relevant when it comes to friendships or a relationship of any kind really, if it is to be meaningful. You can be "nice" to anyone, but it's harder to be honest and non-superficial. For example, the reason we "click" so well in our friendship is that we can be both nice AND honest...hence, real. If you can't drop the superficial front, it will eventually fizzle, if it hasn't already. Thanks for sharing your thoughts! :)
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