Boundaries

I remember specifically learning and discussing the topic of boundaries when I was in graduate school, but it was more theory than application....as with most psychological things one may learn on an intellectual level vs. in the practical sense. Since I'm all about balance (using intelligence with a great equal dose of common sense!), today I was afforded the opportunity to open this very topic in today's group with my clients...'food for thought.' It was fun to see how it translates in their everyday lives. Carol and I thought it would make for an interesting group topic and it certainly did!

I started off by giving a brief introduction on the definition of an actual boundary (ie, a barrier), whether it be physical (such as a wall, a fence,etc) or psychological in nature (a set of ideas, beliefs, feelings, attitudes that define one's identity individually...and collectively, in couple and/or group settings). I explained that boundaries can take on both negative AND positive connotations, depending on the individual(s) and the situation. For example, according to Family Systems theorist Murray Bowen, people can get caught up in the polarities of enmeshment (getting overly involved) and/or detachment (pretty self-explanatory, but in other words, being distant, aloof, lack of communication/understanding). Of course, living in a world with many shades of gray, neither extreme end of the continuum are all that healthy. In fact, looking at one's boundaries is one aspect family therapists utilize in their "detective work" in helping families work through their "dysfunctional" patterns to something more helpful and cohesive.

The main topic of boundary discussion today involved a very practical reality: parent/child boundaries. One of the clients talked about her own struggle with establishing consistent follow-through/boundaries with her 4 year old son. It was interesting to hear what she had to say...AND the response of another group member who called this woman out on the fact that it sounds like the 4 yr old is just spoiled! Ha. I love it. Most amazingly was the fact that it took someone else pointing it out for the woman to realize and admit the observation is likely true! I love groups; they can be such fun! I gave her feedback on power struggles (if you take away the 'buttons' from the child.....there won't be any buttons to push in the first place!) and facilitated other group members to give their own parental feedback/what has been helpful to them.

We also talked about boundaries in regard to physical and emotional abuse (and how to avoid it) in relationships.

All in all, I was quite pleased and found it to be a great experience. I guess I'm a little biased....happy with the intrinsic rewards of being a therapist and the boundary of positive change.