Michelle Obama speech

I watched the DNC speeches tonight. I don't think I've ever been so engrossed in any kind of politically driven speech before! I can confidently say I am a new fan of Michelle Obama. Wow, what an inspiring speech. Absolutely brilliant. How incredibly refreshing to see a strong, positive hard-working American woman speaking not only with intelligence, but with compassion and encouraging words for people of ALL walks of life. This is something that has been missing from the US system of politics, one that tends to be driven by fear tactics and segregating people by class, race, religion, economic status, ad nauseum infinitum. Cutting the bureaucratic red tape of personal agenda to one of truth and connection takes quite a courageous leap forward and Michelle Obama has done it!

Michelle Obama also got a hearty cheer from me when she gave a positive voice to the importance of addressing mental health in this country, a very near and dear passion close to my heart. I also have newfound respect for her community service endeavors. This woman from Southside Chicago makes me proud to be an American....a strong, hard-working American. Finally, someone who understands the determination and hard work that can come of pursuing one's dream the REAL way....no shortcuts or monetary handouts. She is a role model so many of us can learn from and only hope to emulate through her humanitarian actions and caring service to others.

Ted Kennedy said it best as well when he endorsed Barack Obama tonight by adding that the 'gridlock' needs to be demolished, making way for hope and change.

Rain's serenity

It has been raining off and on since late this afternoon. I might not feel the same way if I were outside out and about, but being at home while it's raining feels like being enveloped by maternal safety and comfort. I'm in a virtual rainforest. One night last week I enjoyed listening to the steady rainfall so much that I even went to bed without my earplugs (which I normally put in every night to block out external noise) because I wanted to fall asleep to the sound of rainfall. It was wonderful. It's weird too because I don't feel this way every time it rains. Maybe it's just those times when I'm feeling anxious that I appreciate it. In a weird way, it's like nature giving me a hug or something. I know, funny analogy.

Today, for instance....I was feeling overwhelmed thinking of all my responsibilities and demands others have of me, while also wondering how I can take care of myself in the midst of it all. I wasn't stressed out per se, just in deep thought. After completing things that needed to get done today, it began to drizzle. I decided to watch more of my Season One DVD of "Felicity," which I started last night. I was feeling nostalgic as I watched it, happy and sad at the same time. I remembered how much I loved watching the show in college (reminding me of my days at SWT, I cooking dinner and Nicole baking her famous chocolate chip cookies when we had our cooking/baking hangout nights and lots of other memories). I still feel myself identifying with the main character Felicity Porter, even watching the show many years later. As I watched four episodes, the rain poured down harder. I became more relaxed, quiet, and calm.

A few friends called me today and I felt a little bad for not calling them back to talk, but I just didn't feel like talking at all. Sometimes enjoying the silence takes precedence. Partaking in conversation deadens the power of rain's serenity somehow when in such a state of mind. I must admit, I also got a bit sleepy as I finished the last 10 pages of a book I was reading due to the effects of listening to the rain. I had a brief IM conversation with two friends on Facebook, the extent of any 'conversation' I had today. I then made some Indian food for dinner and poured myself a glass of Yellowtail Shiraz wine (one of my favorites that I haven't had in awhile) and here I sit writing this now.

I will be curious to see how I will feel about Seattle rainfall once fall (when it rains most frequently here) arrives. Last week one of my coworkers was saying that in October, she finds the rain makes her 'hibernate' at first and then after awhile she just gets used to it. I think I was the same way during Chicago's coldest times of winter, though I don't think I can say I ever really 'got used to it.' Hibernating has its perks though, I suppose. We'll see.

For now, the rain is mostly my serenity.

Where are you?

You may have noticed I haven't written anything on here in almost a week and a half. Something is going on with me. I haven't had a desire to write...at all. I don't like this feeling (or lack thereof) one bit, as I feel a piece of who I am is missing right now.

I write. It's what I do. So where has that part of me gone? The part of me that has a flash of insight, a creative desire, or contemplative inkling to explore a topic through writing has not been there. I miss it terribly, yet I don't know how to get it back. I could force myself to write, I realize. It's not the same though. Contrived writing is boring, lifeless. I want the PASSION for it back. I liken it to a relationship with a lover or spouse. When things 'click' and you feel a connection, it's a wonderful feeling and can even sustain you through the difficult areas of your life. When things feel complacent or 'off' somehow, you feel as if you have to re-examine what's going on in the relationship and what you can do to make it fulfilling and connected again.

My writing is my one true love. I am feeling sad and abandoned. Is my true love on strike? On vacation? Taking a nap? We all need breaks. Just please come back to me. Soon.

Intervention in the ER

I can't write in detail about what happened today (due to confidentiality reasons), but I have a need to write about it in a general sense.

After 3 good days of work last week where I was feeling more confident and competent, I was surprised with a psychiatric bombshell of sorts today. It started off a normal workday, boring even. I only had two appointments scheduled today. My first appointment didn't show up or call. That was at 11:00am. I wouldn't have another appointment until 2:00. My lunch time rolls around at noon. As I'm preparing my lunch in the microwave, the receptionist up front sees me and says I have a call that sounds urgent. Of course, 'urgent' is quite relative in community mental health and so I asked her if I could call whoever back in 10 minutes after I finished eating. She decided to transfer the call to someone else since I was busy. After I finished my lunch, R. comes into my office and tells me we have a crisis on our hands. I decide to cancel my 2:00 appointment.

R. got a call from a social worker at a nearby hospital saying that a client of mine was there due to suicidal ideation. I have only seen this client once about a week ago and the client did not seem suicidal at the time, so I wondered what was going on. I proceeded to talk to R. about the protocols for a situation like this, as I have never dealt with a suicidal client situation before. Honestly, the topic of suicide has always been an uncomfortable and intimidating one for me. I know as a therapist I am supposed to be comfortable with any kind of unpredictable crisis that may arise, but suicidal tendencies in people freak me out a bit. Maybe because I have a fear that if someone were suicidal and I had to intervene, what if nothing I said or did would save them from doing it, ya know? Fortunately, I had great supervision on this tough case today. Seeing as 1.) I didn't have a car to get to the hospital and 2.) I've never done a suicidal psych assessment at a hospital ER before....my supervisor and I went to the hospital together to see if this client needed to be admitted to the psych department there for further observation.

We get to the hospital and it's pretty nice for a hospital, seeing as I don't really like hospitals. They intimidate me. I guess because I equate them with more negative experiences for people than positive ones. Anyone who can work at a hospital has my immediate respect, because talk about total unpredictability and work stress! I must say though, it wasn't as dramatic as I had imagined in my mind once I was there. Most of my inner stress came from the fact that I had no idea how it was going to play out and the process of how to do this psych eval. I couldn't stop thinking about how grateful I felt to have my supervisor there. Anyway, back to what I was saying....

J. and I walk through the black striped doors of the ED (Emergency Department). We walk to the nurse's station and J. asks where we can find Client X. The nurse points to Room Y. My supervisor and I walk into the room. The client is sitting there watching CNN on the tv near the ceiling. We start talking to Client X (mainly J. was talking to the client), gathering more information on what led up to the suicidal ideation and need for (voluntary) hospitalization. J. and I were in there with Client X for about half an hour to 45 minutes. It was determined Client X was definitely in need of a psychiatric bed there in the hospital and I also made my own therapeutic recommendations for when Client X gets out of the hospital.

J. and I tell Client X that we have to call the county for hospital authorization (so the client would be approved for a psychiatric bed), but that we'll be back in a little while to let Client X know what's going on. J. tells me the next step is to find the psych bed coordinator guy (not sure his actual job title) to tell him what's going on and to see if a bed is even available if/when we get approval from the county. We chat with him for 5 to 10 minutes, then I go over to a nearby desk phone to call someone in county. I was quite nervous, but again, glad J. was by my side and prepped me with what kind of questions County Guy was going to ask. I also had the client's crisis plan info in front of me, as well as the info on psych meds and other stuff we gathered from X's eval. The call probably lasted about half an hour. County Guy was helpful and patient with me, as I sometimes had to cup my hand over the phone to ask J. certain details I was unclear about. County Guy got the number of the phone I was on and told me he would call me back shortly to let me know if a bed would be approved for the client or not.

J. and I hung out by the desk, talking for about 10 minutes about different court appearances and psych evals at hospitals she has had to do over the years while we waited for a call back from County Guy. As she shared her experiences, I secretly wished this to be the first AND last time I'll have to do something for a client in any kind of public sector. Seeing as I work in a community mental health setting, it's doubtful to impossible I won't face something like this again. Still, one can hope!

County Guy called back and granted authorization. We were good to go! J. and I let Client X. know a bed would be available in the next half hour and I was given the name of a discharge planner to talk with tomorrow.

I made it through my first ER crisis intervention.