Rain's serenity

It has been raining off and on since late this afternoon. I might not feel the same way if I were outside out and about, but being at home while it's raining feels like being enveloped by maternal safety and comfort. I'm in a virtual rainforest. One night last week I enjoyed listening to the steady rainfall so much that I even went to bed without my earplugs (which I normally put in every night to block out external noise) because I wanted to fall asleep to the sound of rainfall. It was wonderful. It's weird too because I don't feel this way every time it rains. Maybe it's just those times when I'm feeling anxious that I appreciate it. In a weird way, it's like nature giving me a hug or something. I know, funny analogy.

Today, for instance....I was feeling overwhelmed thinking of all my responsibilities and demands others have of me, while also wondering how I can take care of myself in the midst of it all. I wasn't stressed out per se, just in deep thought. After completing things that needed to get done today, it began to drizzle. I decided to watch more of my Season One DVD of "Felicity," which I started last night. I was feeling nostalgic as I watched it, happy and sad at the same time. I remembered how much I loved watching the show in college (reminding me of my days at SWT, I cooking dinner and Nicole baking her famous chocolate chip cookies when we had our cooking/baking hangout nights and lots of other memories). I still feel myself identifying with the main character Felicity Porter, even watching the show many years later. As I watched four episodes, the rain poured down harder. I became more relaxed, quiet, and calm.

A few friends called me today and I felt a little bad for not calling them back to talk, but I just didn't feel like talking at all. Sometimes enjoying the silence takes precedence. Partaking in conversation deadens the power of rain's serenity somehow when in such a state of mind. I must admit, I also got a bit sleepy as I finished the last 10 pages of a book I was reading due to the effects of listening to the rain. I had a brief IM conversation with two friends on Facebook, the extent of any 'conversation' I had today. I then made some Indian food for dinner and poured myself a glass of Yellowtail Shiraz wine (one of my favorites that I haven't had in awhile) and here I sit writing this now.

I will be curious to see how I will feel about Seattle rainfall once fall (when it rains most frequently here) arrives. Last week one of my coworkers was saying that in October, she finds the rain makes her 'hibernate' at first and then after awhile she just gets used to it. I think I was the same way during Chicago's coldest times of winter, though I don't think I can say I ever really 'got used to it.' Hibernating has its perks though, I suppose. We'll see.

For now, the rain is mostly my serenity.

Zone of comfort

The idea of 'comfort' can take different forms:

1. Physical comfort, such as: "This bed is incredibly comfortable. I could lay here for hours."

2. Mental comfort: "I feel comfortable talking to you; I can be myself with you."

3. Emotional comfort: That feeling of ease we have with people in our lives who we can fully express ourselves with...the good, bad, and the idiosyncrasies that distinguish us as unique individuals.

Physical comfort is the easiest to find. Mental comfort can be hard to find, but attainable. If you're really lucky, however, you'll find someone who provides 2-3 out of the 3.

I am reminded of one particular person who is within my zone of comfort, whether we have fun or do absolutely nothing at all.

Tracy and I go way back....well, 'way back' for me anyway: high school. Having moved around quite a bit throughout my lifetime, there are few friends I have known and been close to for longer than my college years.

Most of my close friends have only been around for 2 to 8 years. This may seem like a wide range of time for a long term quality friendship. Compared to how long I have known Tracy, however, it's a stark contrast. We have known each other almost 14 years.

We were in choir together. Worked at Randall's together. Hung out with the same crowd of friends. We have been there through hard times for each other. Know one another's dark secrets, strengths, and vulnerabilities. She knows more about my family than my other friends and I know quite a bit about hers. We sent each other cards and gifts when we lived far away. Visited her in college. Stood up for her in her wedding. Visited her when she lived in Portland and Omaha. And now....here we are, living near each other again after 14 years. I am beyond joyful. It's a bit surreal.

We spent today talking and laughing in her parent's living room. I had not seen her parents since her wedding 7 years ago and yet, it was as if it was just last week. Her parents are like my second family, and she like the sister I always wished I had when I was younger.

I'm not sure if it's partially because I've known her for half my lifetime (thus far); maybe there's a zone of comfort in that. She knows the high school me, the college me, the Chicago me, and the present Seattle me. She's seen different facets of me over the years, I guess is what I'm trying to say.

On my way home tonight, we (Tracy, Justin and I) were talking about who we were back in high school as opposed to now. Aside from the degree of our impulsivities, we reflected on the fact that we aren't that much different (essentially) now than we were back then...in a good way.

Change is a constant given in life. A true zone of comfort, however, is that which is constant in the midst of change. For me, her name is Tracy.