Birthdays

Birthdays become so dull and insignificant as I get older. I suppose they have never been particularly "exciting" for me, except in the way that I get a sense of the proverbial warm fuzzies just seeing and hearing from the thoughtful people in my life. I'm all about the little things in life. I don't know. I guess when I get to share it with people I love, it's a comforting ritual. When I'm in transition and far away from those I'm most connected to, it feels like just any old day...non-special. Or at least this is what I anticipate will happen a week from now, seeing as I'm currently feeling that way.

I'm partially bummed because today it's my close friend Rajiv's birthday and I totally wish I was with him tonight celebrating. I miss him so much. I hope he's having a wonderful night with his new friends. I just wish I was in Chicago, even if just for tonight. It is moments like this when I wish teleporting were totally possible. With that said, my birthday without Rajiv and Eddie will likely be quite boring and uneventful. As of this moment, I have nothing planned for my birthday. Absolutely NOTHING. I am taking the day off from work to have a "me" day, relax and whatever. I was looking online yesterday for a potential spa to get a massage, as I haven't had one in over a year and that's my idea of the perfect indulgence to treat myself. If not that, maybe go on a photography adventure somewhere in the city (if the weather permits) or go see a movie during the day and maybe have dinner with my mom that night. Who knows.

I like being independent and doing things by myself, but some things are better enjoyed with company. I'm trying to take the Carrie Bradshaw (from "Sex and the City") perspective and have a "date" with the city....meaning, Carrie would create her own joy by doing fun things by herself in New York City and not depending on others for her happiness. I like to think I emulate her (the character's) persona in some ways. Maybe this will be another chance for me to do so.

I remember the last time my birthday felt kinda "blah" was December 2001, my last really big year of transition...as I had just moved to Chicago...literally, like a few days to a week before my birthday. My mom and I had unloaded all my shit from the Penske truck into my tiny studio apartment. It was incredibly cold, characteristic of Chicago....but I wasn't immune to that sort of weather yet (not like I ever truly was in the 6 years I lived there, but still!). I didn't know the city at all; it was a total stranger to me. Nor did I know a soul. My mom would only be staying with me for another week because she didn't want me to spend Christmas totally alone (for which I was grateful) and then she would be going back home. I would eventually be totally on my own in a big, bustling metropolis. We got everything settled and cozy in my new apartment. My birthday rolled around, not feeling much like a special "me" day. I remember wanting to see "Vanilla Sky." My mom and I took the el to this really ghetto movie theater on Lincoln. As we were standing in line to get our ticket, something caught the corner of our eye out the front window. A taxi had pulled up and the passenger inside jumped out, shouting and creating quite a commotion with the taxi driver, who had allegedly scammed the man out of a legitimate route (the driver was accused of taking a longer route to milk more money out of the customer, which...knowing Chicago cabbies, wouldn't surprise me).

I remember watching "Vanilla Sky" and liking it....but my most vivid memory of my birthday was this particular scene. Not sure if that's a good thing or not, though the odd absurdity of it still gets a chuckle out of my mom and I when we get to reminiscing about amusing memories....

Then I think back to one of the best birthdays I've had yet, that being my trip to Michigan with Eddie and Rajiv last year. It brings a smile to my face just thinking about it. I wish every year could be that special and yet, it might not have been that special without something less significant in contrast. Like it was said in "Vanilla Sky," 'I know the sour, which allows me to appreciate the sweet.' Still, I told a coworker today that I'll be glad when this year is over and DONE. It's been a challenging year, not full of much fun. Good riddance!

May the next year be a helluva lot brighter, fun and more endearing with new Seattle friendships.