How it all began

I officially started writing for my potential 'book' today. We'll see what happens with it. For now my goal is to just write. Intricate details and concerns will come later, if it's meant to be. Here's what I have thus far:

If you were to tell me 10 years ago that I would one day work with heroin and cocaine (and everything but the kitchen sink) addicts at a methadone clinic, I would: 1. have no idea what you're talking about, asking 'What is a methadone clinic?' (that's how nieve I was back then) 2. have thought you were crazy and 3. think you must have me confused with someone else.

During graduate school, Introduction to Substance Abuse was a required course for all students regardless of the specific master's program they were in. I remember thinking the class was interesting, and somewhat intimidating. Aside from a lame DARE education class I had to take in 6th grade and exposure to pot during high school and college, I had no knowledge or experience with drugs and addiction.

It was Winter Term of 2003. The best assignment for the substance abuse class entailed a requirement of attending three ("open," meaning they are open to non-addicts as well) 12 step meetings of my choice and then writing a short paper about the experience. I remember being completely fascinated by each one, in very distinct ways.

I went to Alcoholics Anonymous, Crystal Meth Anonymous, and Narcotics Anonymous meetings. Alcoholics Anonymous seemed the most open, welcoming, cheerful, and spiritual of the three. A young twentysomething woman approached me afterward to ask me if I needed a sponsor. I was touched, even though I was not in need of help. Narcotics Anonymous was the night to AA's day. My least favorite of the three, I found it to be secretive and borderline creepy. Crystal Meth Anonymous was especially unique. A room of 15-20 gay men sitting in a circle, with me being the only woman. I asked if they were comfortable with me being there and that I would leave if they were not, but they graciously accepted me into their circle. I listened to their powerful stories and even joined them for dinner at a nearby restaurant, an after-meeting ritual of theirs.

I was in awe of their process of healing, a resilience from darker times in their lives. After completing my assignments, I began to think about what it would be like to work with individuals struggling with addiction and recovery. A part of me thought "I want to do that someday." That chance would come sooner than I ever could have imagined.

In the same class, I remember my professor (brilliant though he was) only barely touching the surface of heroin addiction and the brief mention of methadone. Granted, there was an incredible amount of topics to cover for an intro class. Looking back, however, I wish he had spent more time educating the class on heroin addiction treatment and methadone maintainence. The only thing that was mentioned about it had a negative connotation and if I recall correctly, fed into the myths and judgmental attitudes prevalent in society. It is sad that even academia (especially in psychology!) can perpetuate negative stereotypes. But I'm getting off topic.....

Two years later, spring of 2005. I was studying nonstop for my master's exam in marriage and family therapy. In the midst of my overly prepared study time, my anxiety level continued to rise. The clock was ticking and I would soon be thrust into the 'real world.' This means....I needed to find a full-time professional counseling job. I was slightly freaking out and networking, networking, networking.

My marriage and family peer T had some students from our program over to her place for some drinks and appetizers one night. I started talking with B, whom I had lost touch with since she graduated months prior. Curious as to what she had been doing since I last saw her, she told me she was currently working as a counselor at a methadone clinic downtown. I became all the more curious, especially after she informed me they might have a potential opening for another counselor.

I asked question after endless question on that night and days to follow. I remember having a very interesting conversation with her over margaritas at Cesars shortly thereafter, learning all the fascinating and intense details of the job.

While I did not know what I was getting myself into, needing to find any counseling job was a driving force for me at that time. Had that not been the case, I might not have pursued the job opportunity. I was persistent about obtaining the position and about two months later, I would be working at a methadone maintainence clinic.....with absolutely no applicable knowledge or prior experience of addiction whatsoever.