The psychology of gender socialization

(Written 12/28/09)

As a therapist, my job is rarely boring and oftentimes fascinating. Not only do I have the opportunity to help people in an extraordinarily profound and intimate way...pare of the process includes sometimes discussing topics that may otherwise go unnoticed, at least unconsciously. Sometimes I find myself contemplating things I probably wouldn't think much about unless I were in the situation, but is brought to my awareness for exploration because a client brings it up in a session. Today it happened to be gender socialization. I have taken numerous psychology, sociology, and graduate level clinical counseling courses over the course of my academic studies. I have also read various sociology and psychology books outside of the classroom, including evolutionary psychology. Would you know that I still do not understand the root sources of this topic?! Granted, psychology and sociology are 'soft' sciences. It is the shades of grey, of ambiguity that simultaneously thrill me and frustrate me all at once.

I'm tempted to do research on this or perhaps find a book that has thoroughly researched this cultural norm. For instance, who decided which colors are "supposed to" (arbitrarily? I think so!) be representative of male/masculine and female/feminine. Why is blue a "boy" color and pink a "girl" color? Why are boys stereotypically expected to play with toy guns, trucks, and basicially anything perceived as rough or aggressive? How is it that a parent can worry about their child 'becoming gay' if the child really wants to play with something that goes against the script of gender norms? And how is it that intellectually we may discount the importance or significance of gender socialization (depending on the context), but in practice people do it unconsciously all the time (for example, by buying gender specific toys for their children)? Is it "acceptable" for a boy to play with a doll up until a certain age? Why do we (society) have so much fear and rigid beliefs around allowing a child to develop in however he or she chooses to explore/express individual likes, dislikes, personality formation, etc? These were some of the questions I pondered, some with my client in session and others in my own mind after the session. There are more rhetorical questions than there are concrete answers....

The idea is that gender socialization provides a sort of lens through which to see the world: boys act/are interested in/skilled at A, B, C, D, etc and girls act/are interested in/skilled at A, B, C, D, etc. Verbal and nonverbal behavior sends a message to the child early on, setting the precedent for what becomes an internalized worldview. When I was in graduate school at Adler, I took a class that focused on this (Lifestyle Assessment). It was an interesting projective tool to use for a potential (psychodynamic) clinical intervention in therapy work with an individual, and the first time I really thought about gender messages on a deeper level. In the assessment, there are specific questions designed to explore memories of significant experiences and how those experiences in some way reflect unhealthy/negative beliefs that are impacting the individual in an unhelpful way in their lives as an adult. Really fascinating stuff, although just a tool.

Toys and colors associated with gender socialization are but a superficial snapshot of the overall deeper psychology behind it, but knowing this obviously doesn't stop me from wanting to examine those depths. I also wonder how much I will embrace and/or challenge these cultural norms if/when I become a parent someday....