*ADVENTURE*

(Photo at left taken by me: Alki Beach in Seattle, June 2010)

Do you ever wish you could go back to a time in your life when things felt more exciting, full of adventure, spontaneity, and just a hint of crazy goodness? Does a certain place bring this out in us or is it a sign of youth vs. getting older?

What if we are capable of being adventurous, and just choose to or not to be?

I have been pondering this quite a bit lately. Most recently, I was thinking that my life has been feeling pretty boring since I moved to Seattle and chalked it up to mainly not having formed solid friendships in the area thus far....as well as being at a different place in my life than most of my friends (ie, most are married and having/had kids). But now I'm starting to feel it goes beyond that.

I realized last night (while I was having an experience new to me) that perhaps it has more to do with being presented with and/or seizing opportunities that have the capacity to allow one's adventurous side to reveal itself. Maybe it's also about finding other people who we can push our comfort zones with to try new things with an adventurous spirit.

I could be wrong, but it has been my observation that this is a rare quality I have come across (or rather, not come across) in people I know, have relationships with,etc. Or if I do know people who have this capability, they're not being transparent about it. I told my friend June last night she's the only adventurous person I have met (so far) since I moved to Seattle. While I can certainly cultivate my own adventurous side by myself, there's something to be said about the dynamic being stronger when you're with another person/group to really draw this out...or so I feel.

Why aren't more people pursuing the intriguing thrill of the unknown, that juicy part of life that connects us to something deeper and can reveal to ourselves the magnitude of our confidence, our sensual/erotic side, our inner growth? Are people that afraid to learn about the mysteries of life, the "taboos," themselves? If this is the case, how incredibly sad. I am grateful I am not this way, if this really is the case.

When I was younger, I used to yearn for a sense of belonging. I never fit in with popular social circles in school...or even in my own family (I felt like the displaced/invisible family member starting at a very young age). There were a myriad of aspects in which I always felt different.

I was never thin or athletic. I was never a fashionista or a girly girl (though can't say I ever wanted to be anyway, hahaha). I was the new girl at school more often than I'd have liked, moving frequently during my formative years. I was a bookworm. I listened and observed. I loved learning. I was open-minded. I yearned to really know people beyond the surface level. I couldn't understand why people engaged in small talk (boring!!!!) rather than more worthwhile topics of conversation. I more often than not felt frustrated, depressed, and angry that I couldn't find people that shared some of these qualities that made me so unique/"cursed."

It is only with the eyes of a 32 year old that I can smile with gratitude for these early experiences. For what was once a curse is now an absolute blessing. I don't want to belong anymore. Paradoxically, I find myself yearning for and seeking out experiences that will bring out that very feeling in me...but in a liberating and confident way.

The way I see it, how much can we learn about the world and ourselves if we surround ourselves with the status quo, with dogma? How can we know our inner world if our outer environment is routine and stagnant?

If we are curious about something we know nothing about and have some anxiety about doing/learning about it simply because it is completely foreign to us (or maybe there is a fear of what other people will think of us), this is likely a sign to explore the unknown. Learn about yourself. You may be pleasantly surprised and refreshed with what you discover. I think society and the media drill such fear into us, playing out stereotypes and negativity. Why does something thrilling, exciting, bold, juicy, and adventurous have to be perceived as "bad", "dark," "crazy," "dangerous," or just generally "threatening?" God forbid, we should encourage people to think for themselves and really know those secret/deeper aspects of themselves....

Without such new and unknown experiences, I wouldn't know how confident and comfortable I have become in my skin. I wouldn't know just how little I genuinely care what other people think of me when it comes to me not compromising who I am at the expense of having relationships with others. I wouldn't know what freedom and independence feels like. I wouldn't know how to transcend my fears, my preconceived judgments, my ignorance. I wouldn't truly know how capable I am of 'holding my own' in divergent situations and relationships. I wouldn't discover fun and intriguing things I now want to try that I didn't even realize I wanted to try in the past!

Without them, I wouldn't feel truly alive.