Becoming a good writer

"The deeper you can listen, the better you can write....basically, if you want to become a good writer, you need to do three things. Read alot, listen well and deeply, and write alot. And don't think too much. Just enter the heat of words and sounds and colored sensations and keep your pen moving across the page." ---taken from "Writing Down the Bones," by Natalie Goldberg

1. Write alot Though I read "Writing Down the Bones" over 10 years ago, this really resonated with me and has stayed with me over the years whenever I find myself in that space to write and let it all hang out, if you will. Tonight I found myself skimming through copious blog entries I've written on here from 2007 up until now. After reading through them, I could see an interesting progression of how my writing has developed over the last 5 years. It's funny to think it all started with me writing entries on my old school Myspace page back in 2005. I wrote in a journal from my teens to my 20's, which was always private...for my eyes only. Then came the era of social networking sites....and from there I started writing for others to read. It was still for myself, but I had to get comfortable with the notion that writing well involved "nakedness" or "exposure." Letting go of a need to control what others would think or feel when they read my entries was the toughest thing to learn...still hard at times, especially since my writing reveals more about me than my daily interactions with people. It's the root, the core of me. Writing for the public domain involves risk and vulnerability. It's been a scary and amazing journey to go from journals and notebooks to social networking blog entries to my own personal blog page. I can only hope with exciting anticipation that my writing progresses even further in my lifetime.

As an aside....yesterday my friend Helen shared with me that she started a blog and really wanted my "honest opinion, since you are the guru of blogging." Guru? I was stunned, to say the least. I certainly don't see myself that way, though it was a nice compliment and even inspired me a bit. It's not the first time a friend has turned to me for guidance and feedback with their writing/blogging endeavors.....which I find funny since I don't think any of the handful of people who have turned to me for help actually read much of what I write. haha. Maybe it's just the time and effort I have put into this passion of mine that has them turning to me. Who knows! There's something about that though (seeing my friends start their own writing projects) that renews that old spark in me....feels really good.

2. Read alot My friend Josh asked his online friends the other day how many books they've read in their lifetime. The nerdy girl I am, I secretly wish I've kept track all these years. I'd be super curious to know the exact number, only because I bet it would blow my mind. Alas, I can only estimate. 3,000? Maybe that's too many? Not enough? It's gotta be at least 1,000. I then wondered how different I would have turned out if I didn't read at all. Think of all the people in this world who are illiterate. Think of how often we are forced to read in our everyday lives, and not for leisure...but just to live and complete daily tasks. Can you imagine how much harder life would be without reading? With that said, I've read ALOT....for leisure, for guidance, for curiosity, for entertainment. I'd even go so far as to say that reading has been a major influence on who I am today as a human being. Books get me through life. When in doubt, I turn to a book (or a writer) more easily and more frequently than I turn to people for help. Perhaps this is why others seek me out when they are in need of book recommendations too? Haha.

3. Listen well and deeply Well, this applies to me too.....though I wonder if maybe I'm listening to others too much (as a therapist and with friends or family) and have lost my way with listening well and deeply to myself....my own thoughts, feelings, ideas, creativity,etc. On that note, I've found it telling that I seem to be inspired to write more lately (even craving to do so) since I've been reading more, "unplugging" from technology (specifically social networking) more, and taking time to do things I most want to do because I'm not being distracted by mindless technological distractions. Perhaps it's time I go off the grid a bit. Maybe I can finally allow myself to write that book I always wanted to write, or maybe even come up with an entirely new idea for a book.....

My fake obituary

Back in the fall of 1997, I was attending a community college in Kingwood, Texas. While there, I took one of the most fascinating and thought provoking psych classes of my undergraduate years...The Psychology of Death and Dying. One of the class requirements was to write one's own obituary. It is funny to read now, to see how I imagined myself at the time, as well as what I imagined myself, friends, and family would be like/doing in the future. It's also interesting to see how far I've come in my writing skills over the years, in retrospect (at least I hope!). I wonder what it would be like to re-write my obit now. Hmmm. Anyway, here's what I wrote back in '97:


In Memory of....

Katie L, age 45, died yesterday, January 1, 2022, due to hermorraging of the brain from a head-on collision with a drunk driver. She was on her way home from a New Year's Eve party hosted by longtime friend Stephanie C. and was reportedly in high spirits when she left the house at 2:30 am, only to die unexpectedly minutes later in a car wreck that was caused by a lack of clear judgment made by the other intoxicated driver.

Katie L. is survived by mother Alice and stepfather Oliver F. of Spokane, Washington, father Dana L, sister Dr. Kristen L., and brother Lieutenant Thomas L. of Tampa, Florida, brother Alex L. and wife Lisa of Flagstaff, Arizona, uncle Donald C. of Phoenix, Arizona, and her loving husband Tim and their two children, Star and Tyler, of Clearwater, Florida. She will also be missed by many friends and coworkers.

At the time of her death she was working on a Psychology dissertation, which would further her along in the field and challenge her to explore other areas of medicine. The world will suffer the loss of her contributions in the areas of health care facilities. She will also be missed for her natural flair for expression found in the beauty of her photographic works displayed in the local Clearwater exhibits. She was a member of the local photography club, theater, and choir group.

Katie L. is gone, but not forgotten. Her friends and family will always remember her for her thoughtfulness, warmth of her smile, ambition, loyalty, willingness to listen to people, sense of humor, friendly attitude towards people, and her overall devotion to those she loved. In addition, she loved to travel, sing, read mystery novels, laugh, and dedicated her life to understanding different types of people. She touched the lives of many, more in the little things she did than with her personal accomplishments (such as making people laugh or telling them how important they were).

Although Katie lived her life with few regrets and believed everything in life happened for a reason, she would have liked to have a better self-esteem and more confidence in herself. Moreover, she wished she got along better with her father.

After organs have been generously donated, the body will be cremated and the ashes will be spread over the mountains of Taos, New Mexico. In lieu of flowers, money should be donated to her most worthy cause: hospice organizations or other beneficial health care programs. A memorial service will be held tomorrow night at 7:30 on Clearwater Beach to honor Katie L. one final time. The family politely asks those attending to refrain from wearing black.

Comparing yourself to.....yourself?

Last night I was going through some photos to post and organize online, some of which were of myself taken either alone or with friends. I found myself really looking at my features, how I looked 'back then' as opposed to now. In most of the pictures, I thought I looked attractive...thinner even. It made me wonder if I really looked better and more attractive in those pictures than I am now or if my mind is just playing games with itself to mess with me psychologically. Does anyone else do this (have you ever felt this way?) or am I crazy?

Maybe it's also a matter of my not being happy with the way I look these days, as I have very little time with my work schedule and commute to exercise. I need to do something about it because I feel really gross and not as healthy or confident as I do when I am able to workout regularly. It's more than physically though.

It also permeates into my creative talents and abilities too. I find myself comparing my writing now to my writing from the past. I feel like my writing isn't as juicy and interesting as it was when I was living in Chicago. My imagination felt more vivid and quirky, possibly due to living in a highly stimulated city?

One would think a writer's works would become more original, less dull. Then again, look at some of the great writers of our time who churned out their "great American (or European,etc.) novel" at a ripe twenty-something age, only to disappear into obscurity thereafter. How can one go backward from greatness? If it's a process of evolution, wouldn't it only get better? Or is it having expectation of the outcome that threatens our aptitude for joy, creativity and success in our endeavors?

Last weekend when my friend K. was visiting, I was telling her how I felt the most creative and quirky with my expressing that side of my personality when I was working at the bookstore. I wrote in a journal regularly, wrote entertaining and descriptive character sketches of different 'characters' (ie, actual real people who I thought were odd and interesting to make characters out of for a possible story one day: coworkers, customers, homeless regulars), and I always had something to write about. I wrote letters and emails to people regularly, papers for school, jot down thoughts I happened to be pondering or experiences I had. It was a good balance of using my imagination and my intellect. I was also in grad school, so maybe being in both an academic and literary environment helped balance these aspects of myself. Still, it boggles my mind.

Sometimes I wonder if my creativity would be more pronounced if I didn't have to be as engrossed in my therapy work. It's as if most of my creative and analytical faculties get channeled into that to where there's not much left in my brain. It would be so nice if I could do counseling work part-time and then do my writing and photography as my other 'part-time' gig....

Just to demonstrate what I'm talking about as far as things I have written in the past, I am going to gather some things I've written in years past and post them here as I come across them. I want people to see writings that have only seen my eyes, my pre-blogging years. May the Katie from Chicago past help inspire the bloggin' Katie present....