Lifestyle changes

Making changes to your lifestyle can be very challenging and yet can reap priceless positive results (in many aspects) if you have the persistence to stick with those changes for the long haul. I will admit, it is hard work. Mostly, however, 80-90% of making changes is mental.

If you can envision what it is you really want for yourself, you can then go about brainstorming the necessary steps you will need to follow to reach your goals. You must first believe that you are capable of attaining your long-term goals, no matter how difficult. Having patience and not judging yourself is incredibly important too. Beating yourself up for not doing "enough" or "perfectly" will only lead to discouragement. Give yourself room to make mistakes or what I like to call "making room for when life happens." Sure, you may want to aim for working out 4-5 days a week at the gym....but when you have a cold, have something come up at work, really want to devote your time to spending time with a friend or engaging in a hobby, or even have tons of other things in life that need your attention...it's not always possible. Life happens.

I used to be that person that would feel bad or guilty if I didn't stick to a regimen with my exercise, but now I can recognize that my life is easier and more fulfilling when I am not self-critical. I remind myself that I am focused on leading a healthy lifestyle, and that is an ongoing endeavor.

It's important to look at the bigger picture; the little things don't matter as much. Case in point: I am one to exercise four times a week, which I have been doing since January 2010. I do something different every day, combining weight training with my cardio (which currently includes biking, running, and dancing). Last week I couldn't do these workouts because I had alot going on in other areas of my life, including being out of town for the weekend. While I was disappointed I couldn't do the workouts, I reminded myself that I did get exercise with doing 4 hours worth of walking on the weekend and also had a chance to relax/rejuvenate. You're doing something wrong in your life if you're not taking some time to enjoy and have fun! Although it was a bit hard to get back into my weight training after having lapsed a whole week without it, I reminded myself that I was totally out of shape when I first started this lifestyle change of incorporating fitness into my life back in January 2010....so if I have come this far (losing fat and gaining muscle; starting from a size 16/"large" clothing to my almost size 11"medium" clothing) I can only get better. One week is no big deal.

My newest lifestyle change challenge? Changing my diet. While I find myself having some resistance to it, I know I will appreciate the change in the long run just as I have with making fitness a top priority.

For the most part, I eat healthy....but after hearing what some of my family members are doing with their diet I am totally motivated and inspired to take my own diet to the next healthy level. My dad and stepmom recently did a 3 week detox to cleanse their body of toxins, clean out their gut,etc. They also had some bloodwork done to find out if there are any foods to which they are allergic. It's amazing how not consuming specific foods (or adding certain foods) can drastically change how you look and feel! They shared with me the results of their bloodwork and now that they know of certain allergies, they can make adjustments to their diet accordingly for optimal health! I must admit, I am very much inspired by their efforts and as such, am motivated to start making changes to the foods I eat as well (ie, going with a Paleo diet)!

Exercise and diet (ie, eating healthy, not a "diet") are more than just "healthy choices." They can make the critical difference for your overall well-being....sleeping better, feeling happier, feeling more confident with yourself overall, feeling more attractive, being more alert, feeling "lighter" (vs. heavy/bloated/weighed down/physically sick in any way), having more energy to do various other things you need or want to do, having better mental and emotional health, feeling more connected in your relationships, and having more fun/taking life a little less seriously. The list of benefits is bountiful.

So take a risk. Get inspired and inspire others while you're at it. You'd be surprised how easy it can be to get others to jump on your lifestyle change bandwagon.

Recharge the batteries with inspiration

In a world rife with suffering and intolerance, it can sometimes be difficult to identify and appreciate aspects of our lives that are of the more positive and uplifting variety. This is all the more reason to purposely seek this out...to rejuvenate one's inner self with a sense of meaningfulness, courage, hope, and inspiration when it's needed most.

As a mental health therapist who works largely with a population of adults who suffer/have suffered severe brutalities in their lives, it can be even harder for me to incorporate those aforementioned qualities into my personal life. This week in particular is no exception.

I had to (mentally) check in with myself today, as I was starting to notice myself having symptoms of "vicarious trauma" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vicarious_traumatization) after several intense therapy sessions in which clients have talked about surviving something graphic, brutal, and violent (ie, murder, grief/loss over a violent suicide, being a victim of an attempted murder and showing me the scar....the list goes on and on). I sometimes hear the most horrific and disturbing things that it makes the evening news look like a joke, child's play. It's easy to manage when it's sporadic, but when inundated with back to back sessions overflowing with trauma (like this week).....it's way too much. Nurturing my mental and emotional self becomes absolutely critical.

With that said, I have turned to seeking and reflecting on meaningfulness, courage, hope and inspiration. When having overwhelming moments of fear, doubt, exhaustion, and hopelessness....you may find it helpful to ask yourself and reflect upon the following questions (as I have):

What brings meaningfulness to your life? What do you contribute to the world and/or to people you care about?

Who and what inspires you? How so?

What are your passions? How can you utilize your passions in constructive, creative, or even therapeutic ways to heal and propel you forward when you feel like you're "running on empty?"

Who can remind you of your strengths and humanity when you need to recharge? (ie, family members, friends, colleagues, pets)

The "answers" for me this week showed up in various forms:

An amazing feel-good consultation with my colleagues and an outside consultant (we meet twice a month on Wednesday mornings for 90 minutes, yesterday being the first time we consciously took the time to talk about the rewarding and meaningful aspects of our work in this healing profession...felt incredible).

Contemplating seeking a therapist for myself, in part to lighten the load of my own burdens.

Connecting and laughing with a (therapist) friend over dinner and one huge margarita, which included a conversation reminding me of how I was once told I had "moxie" (the highest compliment I've received in my life, along with also being told by a former boss of my "fortitude" he was surprised to discover I have).

Reflecting on the truly good friends in my life, the ones I most treasure and for whose friendships I have utter respect and gratitude.

Being inspired by phenomenal individuals, such as my colleagues (who walk beside me on this bizarre and sometimes lonely helper/healer's journey) or strong women who have grit, moxie, fortitude, determination, compassion, hope, perseverance (as seen in a book I found today at the bookstore, "Run Like a Girl: How Strong Women Make Happy Lives").

Reminding myself that even though I'm terrified of participating in the Warrior Dash (http://warriordash.com/register2011_washington.php) on Saturday, it will be fun and inspiring to experience with two of my colleagues. Something to check off the proverbial bucket list, if you will.

Seeing and/or reading about others who actively pursue their passions in astounding ways, like this person: http://www.readallday.org/blog/

....then engaging in my own passions by writing here/sharing with the world wide web...and logging off to read something inspiring, perhaps even fun and mindless. :)

Ramblings of a therapist

Today I realized that I need to do more for myself, at least as far as self-care goes. I am constantly taking care of everyone else; my need to be nurtured tends to come secondary a majority of the time....and that's just not right. I'm not sure how that translates in my life exactly, but I'm working on exploring that more. Maybe it means more spontaneity.....like doing something I really want to do on a whim. Having this realization today, I decided to do something I haven't done in awhile: have some Thai food, my favorite ethnic meal. It was delicious. :)

I had class today and while alot of it was quite common sense to my level of education and work experience, I am always able to extrapolate some kind of newfound knowledge, insight,etc. What did I glean from today's discussion? (Aside from realizing I need to take care of myself more....)

The attachments we form in childhood with our parents are more significant and incomparable to that of any other social relationship from then on. If that attachment isn't there early on, an unhealthy form of attachment to a substance of some sort (drugs, gambling, food, ad infinitum...take your pick of the proverbial non-human variety) is more likely to occur. One is more apt to have increased insecurity and an inability to form intimate relationships (aka, healthy attachments in adulthood, specifically in regard to romantic relationships).

It never occurred to me that choosing a substance in a way is a SUBstitute for the absence of a significant bond of attachment. The substance becomes the 'relationship' of attachment. When seen in such a systemic framework, it becomes clear how an addiction can become so seemingly impossible to let go off from one's life. It's a safety net, a security.

If someone told you that in order to make a change in your life, you had to let go of your relationship to your parent(s)....the only attachment(s) you've ever truly connected with, how would you respond? Just how open or resistant might you be to change?