Not sure why this occurred to me, but while I was out for a run in my neighborhood earlier I realized my friend Scott is currently one of the few close male (heterosexual) friends that I have not had any kind of sexual dynamic with throughout the course of our 4-5 years of friendship (at the same time, I'm also not a promiscuous woman by any means)....which then had me pondering if this is normal for friendships in the 21st century (ie, sex becoming a dynamic at some point in a friendship between two heterosexual or even two gay friends) OR if this is more the exception.
And I'm not talking about friends with benefits where there's a mutual agreement to engage in casual sex just for the aspect of physical pleasure. That's a whole other topic of discussion. What I'm talking about is specifically in regard to the context of the relationship you have with a friend.
What's funny for me is that male friends I have formed a sexual relationship with (and/or that have turned into a romantic relationship if even for a brief time) have more often than not been guys I didn't initially even desire or think about sexually. But the more I got to know these guys, something would shift or spark an attraction for me.
I remember about a month ago my coworker Sarah was telling my colleagues and I something she read or heard about (I can't remember her source, or if she even knew where she heard this)...a psychological/sociological theory or study that shows we have a tendency to become attracted to individuals simply by seeing or being around them all the time.
So how much of our attraction to a person is based on closeness (ie, being in the same physical environment...or "mental" environment like social networking, chat rooms,etc on a regular basis) vs. physical appearance? Or familiarity (ie, how intimately we know facets of their inner self) vs. someone you don't have much overall contact (physically, mentally, or emotionally)?
And if this is the case, perhaps we are less inclined to be superficial than we may believe we are when it comes to connecting with each other on a very human level...
2 comments:
I believe attraction comes from both ends. I believe that physical attraction has a higher likelihood of occurrence though. To be more specific physical attraction is more fleeting, while an attraction developed within the social realm has a better potential to grow in to a long lasting relationship.
Katie, I asked myself a similar question not too long ago. I was looking through my fb friends and realized that I have had a sexual relationship with a very large percentage of them. I asked myself, if this is normal; and if other friends of mine also have such a high percentage. I think attraction does play a role but I understand your comment about attraction taking time to enfold. I'm attracted to passion for example and I mean someone being passionate about something, be it a hobby, or project (but sports doesn't do it for me) etc.
I'll def. have to think about this somemore.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts :)
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