Being the book buying and reading fiend that I am, I naturally wandered into a bookstore at the airport on my way home the other day. I was immediately drawn to a blue book that might as well have had neon lights flashing, luring me in. If I remembered correctly, another mental health counselor friend of mine had mentioned recently reading this blue book. I picked it up, flipped it over, and read the back cover. The cashier had my money within 5 minutes.
A perfect supplement to the 30 day daily gratitude list, I spent the whole 4 and a half hours of my flight reading "The Happiness Project." What's funny is that nothing the writer said was remarkable or insightful....but it was the way she said things or maybe what she chose to write about. It sparked inspiration and motivation, something that comes to me far and few between the last 2-3 years (at least in regard to my writing and ability to express my greatest creative potential).
Reading the book made me happy during those hours; it gave me hope that a muse is within my reach. I had this urge to want to do more with my photography, had thoughts about rearranging the appearance of my apartment, envisioned myself doing artsy things soon with an art/photo journal I started a few years ago, and write on my poor neglected but still dearly loved (by me anyway) blog. It's amazing what you find yourself thinking about when you're "forced" to become more aware of it. I can't help but wonder if practicing daily gratitude is a driving factor. And let me tell you, nothing is more difficult than finding things to be grateful for when so much is going on around you.....around the world (ie, earthquake and tsunami in Japan comes to mind), at work, anywhere! When things are overwhelming, stressful, or hopelessness starts creeping into your psyche and you can STILL find gratitude----such is the absolute "test."
Yesterday and today were two such days for me, today in particular. Yesterday I noticed a discrepancy on my bank statement regarding a monthly auto debit deduction for my student loan bill: it was lower than usual. For a few minutes I considered not calling about it, thinking it was a pleasant mistake.
Then that "Do the right thing Katie" part of my brain kicked in and I vowed to call the student loan customer service number.
Turns out after a 20 minute conversation with a customer service representative, I still don't completely understand why it was lower. All I know is it has something to do with the maximum number of payments I'm allowed that the brilliant (note the sarcasm) federal government has decided I cannot exceed for a lifetime amount, thus creating (unrealistically) high monthly payments after a certain pay period. This resulted in me feeling dejected and somewhat ashamed, as I was feeling stuck between wanting to be a responsible student loan bill paying citizen and wondering how it's possible to do so on my "public servant" salary.
What struck me most of all though about this exchange I had with this perfect stranger was how he responded to my concerns: he listened with genuine compassion. I could hear it in his voice. You can tell when someone is merely doing their job vs. saying something like they really mean it. "This guy 'gets it," I thought.
Granted, it didn't alter my long term financial predicament at all...but sometimes it's simply refreshing to feel heard by another human being. Maybe he has debts or bills he's struggling to pay himself. In any case, I found myself oddly thankful for his empathy and willingness to genuinely listen.
If we can find bits of gratitude in the most unpleasant experiences, just imagine how much more awareness, happiness, and creativity we can muster in the best of circumstances!
"It is easy to be heavy; hard to be light." --G.K. Chesterton
"Nothing can make our life, or the lives of other people, more beautiful than perpetual kindness." --Leo Tolstoy
"Go get yourself loved." ---from 2011 independent film "Happy thank you more please"
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