Sexual compulsion and the internet

As a mental health therapist working in the community mental health system, I'm constantly challenged by a myriad of presenting problems clients would like to work on in therapy. While I've been working in the field of co-occurring disorders (ie, addiction and mental health) since 2005, there are certain disorders I'm very skilled in and others I have very little knowledge or experience to draw from.

I'd venture to guess that an individual presenting to therapy is confident that their therapist can help them tackle any and all presenting clinical problems. Unfortunately, this is not always realistically possible. Sometimes the problem is totally out of the scope of a clinician's educational or professional competence. In these instances, referral to a more appropriate professional specialist is warranted. In a majority of cases, however, it is important for clinicians to take the initiative to seek either (or both) supervision, case consultation with trusted colleagues, and self-motivated professional development via continuing education classes/workshops or reading professional literature on the particular subject.

With that said, I was recently presented with a case involving compulsive masturbation and addictive online sexual behavior. I found myself (internally) floundering within this extremely sexually revelatory session with my client....not out of discomfort of the subject matter being discussed, but out of not knowing how to specifically help someone with this particular issue. Especially given how vulnerable my client felt telling me and wanting the client to continue feeling confident or courageous enough to proceed with treatment.

I found myself both intimidated and intrigued by this newfound clinical challenge, that of sex/cybersex addiction. Immediately and somewhat ironically, I searched various sites online for well-written and highly rated professional books on the topic. Much to my surprise, it was a disappointing and difficult search. While there are a plethora of books promoting "healthy" sexuality and how to explore one's sexuality in healthy/safe ways, books on sexual addiction are few and far between. The book I ended up getting wasn't even one I thought would be very helpful, but it ended up being decent.

"In the Shadows of the Net" by Carnes, Delmonico, and Griffin explores and analyzes the dangerous allure of the Internet on one's sexual proclivities, especially given the technologically dependent society we live in. Although certainly not to be used by any means as an excuse to act out compulsive sexual behaviors, the availability of sexual content and ease of anonymity online makes it that much easier for an individual to get sucked into a downward spiral of unhealthy and unmanageable sexual behavior. Chapters in this book include identifying problematic behavior ("Do I Have a Problem with Cybersex? and "Understanding Problematic Sexual Behavior on the Internet"), analyzing sexual arousal and intimacy ("What Turns You On? The Arousal Template" and "Courtship Gone Awry"), and how to change/recover from sexually addictive behaviors ("Boundaries," "Taking That First Step," "Changing the Way You Live," "Preventing Relapse: Maintaining the Changes You've Made," and "Family Dynamics and Cybersex"). I found "Understanding Problematic Sexual Behaviors on the Internet," "What Turns You On?," "Courtship Gone Awry," and "Boundaries" to be most helpful.

Upon reading the second half of the book, I realized recovery for sex addiction is very similar to alcohol and drug addiction. The author posits that there is a stronger propensity for relapse with sexual addiction than other addictions. Not sure I agree with that, though the relapse prevention model is very much akin to those used in alcohol/drug recovery programs and seeing that made me feel more confident in my professional capabilities to help a client seeking recovery for sexual addiction. I might even take it one step further and pursue a training to become a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist.

Who can say their work is never boring or that they're always learning more about the human condition?

Therapists.

Are you getting any?

Most people want it, but they're just not getting enough. Some aren't getting it at all. And I'd venture to say that these same individuals have tried everything they can think of to get it.

No, not sex! .....SLEEP!

What's going on?! More and more, I'm hearing various people (from family and friends, to clients I counsel) that they just can't sleep. I feel like I know more people that can't sleep than ones who can. A growing epidemic?

I don't include myself in the insomniac category. Sure, I have nights where I toss and turn....but it's nothing serious that occurs on a regular basis.

It concerns me that something as natural as the biological need for sleep has become a nuisance and a dread rather than a pleasurable and much anticipated 8 hour escape from the daily grind. Sleep plays a crucial role on our overall mental, emotional, and physical well-being. How does a lack of sleep affect one's psyche?

Ok, so I lied about my not having had a sleeping problem. It's not a problem for me now, though it was until fairly recently. I considered it situational, due to my work schedule at my previous counseling job in Chicago. I was waking up at 4am. Horrible, horrible hours! I can definitely say I noticed a difference in how I felt during the almost 3 years I was getting less sleep than I am now.

My memory was not as sharp. I was restless and prone to anxiety/stress more easily. I drank too much coffee to compensate for my sluggish sleep deprivation. I didn't feel as energetic and enthusiastic, the carefree Katie kind of personality people were accustomed to seeing prior to this lack of sleep mode. I also noticed my eating habits weren't the greatest and my desire to exercise had decreased. All in all, the aspect of sleep in my life became detrimental and all-consuming....which is why I can only imagine living with insomnia as a long term lifestyle cannot bear healthy results.

What I'd like to know is: why are so many people experiencing non-sleep symptoms and what can be done to help rectify the issue?

Aside from external reasons (ie, work, not feeling well, distracted by loud noises,etc), does one's mental health play a key role in determining a consistent and appropriate amount of sleep for an individual? In other words, with a little help and awareness of what keeps our mind 'on,' can we eventually discover a successful way to shut it 'off?'

Speak up, insomniacs! I know you're not sleeping, so why not utilize all those restless hours by responding with your own reflections on the subject? :)