I'm feeling deja vu, waking up at the crack of dawn again like old times....though at least this time it's 5am and only for today, my first day of the new full-time job. I have orientation with HR and some psych program training at the agency's main location from 8am to noon-ish, then I have to go to the location where I'll work to do whatever else (no clue yet) for the remainder of the day.
I hope I make it through the day with enough energy and pizazzz (I just felt like using the word 'pizazz'). I didn't sleep much last night with the heat/no AC in the house, plus my pre-work jitters.
Interestingly, I do recall having a dream last night that I was in this really big building. I walked into this room that looked like a library or student center, like it was a college campus. There were escalators and stairs below me and what frightened me about them was that they were very steep....to go down. One might think climbing DOWN stairs would be easier than climbing up, but not so much. I was trying to hold on to the side of the wall in order to guide myself to start climbing down on the steep steps in order not to fall. What annoyed me was that in front of the stairs ahead of me, I see someone on an escalator...effortlessly of course. I wondered how the hell they got to the escalator and wished I knew where to get on/off. Instead, I had to deal with the stairs and no one else was around. I was the only one on the stairs, totally isolated.
I also remember dreaming about an old client of mine, this guy who had started to get clean and sober a few months before I left Chicago for Washington (in 'real life'). In the dream, I saw him and asked him how he was doing. He looked well and I was so happy for him. It also made me feel good that I partially helped get him to that point in his life. I have been feeling a little nervous about my new job, so in a weird way, this little dream tidbit gave me a slight comforting assurance that my work jitters will likely subside once I get acclimated.
Well, gotta get going. More about my first day later.....
Monday, June 30, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
Honest to --------> Truth
I had an epiphany, while taking a shower of all things. I was reflecting on different things that have been happening in my life lately. Yet again, the message has come through in the form of clothes. Sort of like the cliche' "Been there, done that, got the t-shirt"....except for me, it's more like "Got the t-shirt while I'm on my way to getting there and doing that."Last year, it was my uncle's "Follow Your Bliss" sweatshirt that led me to contemplate how the philosophical statement pertained to my life. A little over a year later, I find myself frequently brought back to this year's personal message for me written on a $3 t-shirt I bought at the BBW: "Honest." There were three different t-shirts with three different words written on them, yet I was drawn to 'honest.' Now, it's beginning to make sense to me.....
When I was pondering this idea while taking my shower earlier, I thought about 'honest' and 'truth.' At first, I considered them to be synonymous terms, words one could use interchangeably for all contexts. When I thought about experiences I have had this past week though, I changed my mind about it.
For the most part, I feel I'm a pretty honest person. I consciously live my life with the intention of doing the right thing, treating others as I wanted to be treated, and being honest with myself (this is where 'honest' comes in). When I thought about truth, however, I couldn't help but wonder how deeply I live with 'truth.'
Curious, I looked up the definitions of both 'honest' and 'truth' on Google. Sure enough, Wikipedia defines 'truth' with how I was beginning to define it for myself: "The meaning of the word truth extends from honesty, good faith, and sincerity in general, to agreement with fact or reality in particular."
So, here's where the epiphany comes in. If truth is merely an extension of honesty, why can't I live with truth or more importantly, I suppose I should rephrase that by saying: why haven't I lived with a deeper level of truth all this time? I know, pretty deep thoughts for a Friday afternoon in June!
But seriously, I think I'm currently getting more and more to that place of embodying truth. This is especially the case with relationships: as related to work, friendships, and scarier still....maybe even those of the romantic variety.
Just when I have gotten to a point where I feel like I have great relationships with people in my life, I'm surprised to discover them becoming even richer in the depth of 'truth.' I don't know what has kept me from this deeper level of truth before, maybe fear of the unknown, the vulnerability that comes with intimacy, or the anxiety of how uncomfortable 'truth' can be because it involves risk on one or both individuals in the relationship.
Being one to face and tackle my irrational fears head on though, I find myself both excited and nervous about this new process of change within my relationships. Yet, I'm finding it has been a wonderful thing so far.
Here are some examples of what I'm talking about to demonstrate what I mean in a less cerebral way.....
At my part-time job, even though it's not the place I want to be and it's not something I'm passionate about, I have done my best to do not only the right thing, but also with honesty.....and yes, truth. It's been interesting to watch it unfold in a few different ways:
One woman I work with (an assistant manager) was initially driving me crazy with the way she tended to hover around me, trying to micromanage me and not give me the space and freedom to trust that I could handle situations on my own. At first, I wasn't going to say anything, but after the other assistant manager prodded me to divulge more, I thought, "What do I have to lose?" Not one to stir the pot in regard to interpersonal relationships, I told her where I was coming from with diplomatic honesty and sincerity. I wasn't sure if I would regret it later or that this person would betray my trust in telling her, but I just let it go. It was out there, so whatever. Then, the next time I worked with the challenging woman.....her demeanor shifted around me. I don't know if my confidante told this woman; it didn't matter to me because being honest worked in my favor. I no longer felt annoyed with the woman; she has been laidback around me since!
A few other work related examples of honesty leading to truth includes partially how I landed my new full-time job a few days ago....
To make a long story short, part of the conversation I had with the program manager involved her telling me how much the staff liked me at my second interview and in turn, I told her how much I like her, the staff, the place/environment and how out of all the interviews I have been on, their agency was the only one I truly liked and really wanted to work. By others, this could be seen as saying what the person wants to hear and maybe not the most professional thing to say to someone who perhaps one should be more formal with in such a situation.....but I had to say it because that's how I 'honestly' felt.
At the same time, I felt a little guilty about having to quit my part-time job without giving the proper 2 week notice. I could have just quit on the spot and the idea did appeal to me. But it's not who I am. I want to embody both 'honest' and 'truth,' which isn't always easy to do. Still, I decided to compromise and work a few more weekends at the part-time job because it's the right thing to do.
I remember when I was younger, I couldn't stand hypocrisy. I still don't, but most especially when I was a teenager. I told myself that if it is up to me, I will live my life 'walking my talk,' only telling others things what I myself can/have done (aka, 'truth') to the best of my ability.
Even more difficult than living my truth at work, is living 'truth' in my relationships. But I think I'm slowly getting there. One thing I have really enjoyed about being 30 thus far? I have been even MORE confidently honest with myself, especially in regard to the role (or responsibility) I play in the choices I have made/continue to make, the patterns I have created that have kept me stagnant somehow, and recognizing what I need to do to change for the better.
There are many examples I have noticed of 'truth' in my relationships lately, but this one stands out to me the most. The other day I was surprised when a friend of mine revealed to me that she was upset with me because she felt I had not been a very supportive friend to her at a time when she needed it most. Initially, I was taken aback and hurt by her words. Instead of becoming defensive or beating myself up about it though, I really listened to what she had to say and was glad she told me (even if it wasn't pleasant). I told her I have always prided myself on being a great friend to those very close and dear to me, so I felt especially bad that I had let her down and apologized. There were no hard feelings, simply an 'honest' conversation between friends.
I was uncomfortable with it at first, but my love for our friendship was even stronger and I think it deepened the value and 'truth' of our friendship all that much more now. I realized that is what I want most out of ALL my significant relationships, the ones that inspire deeper connection and intimacy. It can be scary, sure. It can also provide an emotional depth I never could have fathomed before this point of my life, a journey of 'truth.'
What does 'truth' in my relationships look like?
It's a reciprocal balance of emotional and mental maturity between two people and being able to recognize those 'truth'-ful relationships I have with overwhelming gratitude. It's about consciously exploring those particular relationships on a deeper level and steering away from the ones that aren't there now and/or accepting the ones that may never be....honestly, an incredibly hard thing for me to work on (letting go of the ones lacking this, especially romantically speaking), but....
It's the truth, my truth. And it's absolutely liberating. :)
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
EXTRAordinary
(Yes, I took this picture). :)
When asked to describe the 'best' ideal day of one's life, I find it interesting when someone opts for an EXTRAordinary day. That is, just another day of what makes one the most joyful (laughing, having a nice cooked meal, spending quality time with family and friends, enjoying something beautiful,etc), only with just a touch of extra goodness.
One would think that if you could choose what would make the 'best' day of your life, you might choose to win the lottery or get married, or do something outrageously adventurous/risk taking....but that's not what people usually say.
Research done on people who have won the lottery has interestingly shown that it's not an event that influences long lasting happiness, joy, or fulfillment; it's one's enduring lifelong attitude and intrinsic values. Lotto winners who were happy and optimistic people BEFORE they even won the lotto remain optimistic and happy after. These individuals may just be MORE happy, no less and no drastically different. On a similar note, people who were miserly and negative were STILL that way overall after a lotto win. This is just one example that demonstrates the power of one's thoughts and values. It's the little things that reflect on the bigger things, not the other way around. Or so I believe.
Today was such a day for me. I think my new middle name should be "Moderate." I'm neither overly optimistic/joyful, nor overly negative/depressed. I'm somewhere in between on a given day, and I think it's a good thing because I don't get stuck in any one mood for too long.
If asked this same question of what would be my ideal day in all it's average goodness, I would say today: June 25, 2008.
Here's what made it an EXTRAordinary day of my life:
1. I woke up at 9am, no alarm clock.
2. It was a perfect day: blue sky with scattered little clouds, slightly breezy and between 65 to 70 degrees.
3. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that being persistent sometimes DOES work in my favor and landed me the job I think will be the best job for me. My future is exciting and full of possibilities.
4. I realized I have phenomenal parents that have given me SO much love, support, and encouragement. I'd like to say my friends have done this for me. While I love my friends, however, honestly my parents are the ones who have REALLY listened and put up with me at my most difficult of days the past four months. Even when I'm a pain in the ass, they are there to offer wisdom gleaned from their own lifelong experiences or, simply do nothing but be patient and listen to me. I'm truly grateful for them.
5. I went for a long walk, happy about my exciting new job prospect. Rajiv was the first person (outside my household) I told/called while on my walk; chatted with him for a few minutes.
6. Had a yummy iced vanilla latte from Tully's. What's an EXTRAordinary day without my love for coffee mentioned? :)
7. Called a dear friend of mine (Carla) whom I haven't talked to in 3 months and talked for over an hour. The best conversation I've had with her in a really long time. I felt a sense of connection I haven't felt for awhile with a friend, talking and laughing like old times.
8. Talked with another friend (Amber) on the phone. Again, had another long and great conversation with her too. And laughed...alot. I felt so comforted to reconnect with some of my female friendships. As much as I love my male friendships, bonding with my girls creates a different feeling within me.
9. While I wasn't able to talk to a few other friends who called me today, it felt nice to know they were thinking of me.
10. Had a good conversation with my dad. If you know me well and/or have known me for years, you know why this is included in my EXTRA life day. :)
11. Played Scrabble and laughed alot (again).
12. Had delicious grilled portabella mushrooms for dinner.
13. Reflected on how lucky I am to have what I have and to be who I am, with the most sincere gratitude.
14. I felt most like 'me' (in various ways) than I have felt in months, leading me to appreciate where I'm at and where I'm going all the more.
Not too much, not too little, just "moderate" with a pinch of EXTRAordinary.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Ironic sequel to my last blog entry (George Carlin)
I just finished writing a blog about generosity and how it can lift my moods. I then went to write a quick email to a friend when, at the corner of my eye, I see on my facebook page that both my brother Alex and my friend Shannon have both put "RIP George Carlin" on their status update. I know people die, but I am in utter shock and sadness. The man who has made me laugh more than any other comedian....gone.
This is weird too because my mom and I were just talking about him like a month ago. I had asked her what he was up to these days, wondering if he had any new comedic material and/or books he was working on. I remembered missing the opportunity to meet him when he was at the Borders on State Street in Chicago for a book signing event, back in 2004 I think. I was so pissed that I had class and couldn't attend, but was excited to set the book aside for him to sign for my brother Alex (he, including my mom and I, are huge fans!). I was going to surprise Alex with a personally autographed George Carlin book that Christmas. I later found out that George couldn't personalize the autographs by name due to bad arthritis in his hands. These were the memories I recalled. George and my family. My family and George. George as the embodiment of our 'extended family,' a sort of crazy uncle we wish we had as someone to entertain us at an otherwise ordinary family gathering.
It's not just what George said to make us laugh, it's the way he said it. Though crass and certainly NOT politically correct, George liked to 'keep it real' no matter how much he tended to push the envelope. With a love for words, he had a way of expressing what others wouldn't say, or what others simply didn't have the balls to say. This is what my family and I enjoyed most about him. He valued the gift of laughter and comedy, a gift he gave generously to his audience for decades.
I think I speak for my mom and Alex when I say: We love you George. You will be missed deeply.
I may just have to find some George dvds to watch this week and laugh....in your memory. :)
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George Carlin, irreverent comedian, dies at 71
This is weird too because my mom and I were just talking about him like a month ago. I had asked her what he was up to these days, wondering if he had any new comedic material and/or books he was working on. I remembered missing the opportunity to meet him when he was at the Borders on State Street in Chicago for a book signing event, back in 2004 I think. I was so pissed that I had class and couldn't attend, but was excited to set the book aside for him to sign for my brother Alex (he, including my mom and I, are huge fans!). I was going to surprise Alex with a personally autographed George Carlin book that Christmas. I later found out that George couldn't personalize the autographs by name due to bad arthritis in his hands. These were the memories I recalled. George and my family. My family and George. George as the embodiment of our 'extended family,' a sort of crazy uncle we wish we had as someone to entertain us at an otherwise ordinary family gathering.
It's not just what George said to make us laugh, it's the way he said it. Though crass and certainly NOT politically correct, George liked to 'keep it real' no matter how much he tended to push the envelope. With a love for words, he had a way of expressing what others wouldn't say, or what others simply didn't have the balls to say. This is what my family and I enjoyed most about him. He valued the gift of laughter and comedy, a gift he gave generously to his audience for decades.
I think I speak for my mom and Alex when I say: We love you George. You will be missed deeply.
I may just have to find some George dvds to watch this week and laugh....in your memory. :)
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George Carlin, irreverent comedian, dies at 71
Monday, June 23, 2008
George Carlin, the Grammy-Award winning standup comedian and actor who was hailed for his irreverent social commentary, poignant observations of the absurdities of everyday life and language, and groundbreaking routines like "Seven Words You Can Never Use on Television," died in Los Angeles on Sunday, according to his publicist, Jeff Abraham. He was 71.
The cause of death was heart failure, according to Abraham.
Carlin began his standup comedy act in the late 1950s and made his first television solo guest appearance on "The Merv Griffin Show" in 1965. At that time, he was primarily known for his clever wordplay and reminiscences of his Irish working-class upbringing in New York.
But from the outset there were indications of an anti-establishment edge to his comedy. Initially, it surfaced in the witty patter of a host of offbeat characters like the wacky sportscaster Biff Barf and the hippy-dippy weatherman Al Sleet. "The weather was dominated by a large Canadian low, which is not to be confused with a Mexican high. Tonight's forecast . . . dark, continued mostly dark tonight turning to widely scattered light in the morning."
Carlin released his first comedy album, "Take-Offs and Put-Ons," to rave reviews in 1967. He also dabbled in acting, winning a recurring part as Marlo Thomas' theatrical agent in the sitcom "That Girl" (1966-67) and a supporting role in the movie "With Six You Get Egg-Roll," released in 1968.
By the end of the decade, he was one of America's best known comedians. He made more than 80 major TV appearances during that time, including the Ed Sullivan Show and Johnny Carson's Tonight Show; he was also regularly featured at major nightclubs in New York and Las Vegas.
That early success and celebrity, however, was as dinky and hollow as a gratuitous pratfall to Carlin. "I was entertaining the fathers and the mothers of the people I sympathized with, and in some cases associated with, and whose point of view I shared," he recalled later, as quoted in the book "Going Too Far" by Tony Hendra, which was published in 1987. "I was a traitor, in so many words. I was living a lie."
In 1970, Carlin discarded his suit, tie, and clean-cut image as well as the relatively conventional material that had catapulted him to the top. Carlin reinvented himself, emerging with a beard, long hair, jeans and a routine that, according to one critic, was steeped in "drugs and bawdy language." There was an immediate backlash. The Frontier Hotel in Las Vegas terminated his three-year contract, and, months later, he was advised to leave town when an angry mob threatened him at the Lake Geneva Playboy Club. Afterward, he temporarily abandoned the nightclub circuit and began appearing at coffee houses, folk clubs and colleges where he found a younger, hipper audience that was more attuned to both his new image and his material.
By 1972, when he released his second album, "FM & AM," his star was again on the rise. The album, which won a Grammy Award as best comedy recording, combined older material on the "AM" side with bolder, more acerbic routines on the "FM" side. Among the more controversial cuts was a routine euphemistically entitled "Shoot," in which Carlin explored the etymology and common usage of the popular idiom for excrement. The bit was part of the comic's longer routine "Seven Words That Can Never Be Said on Television," which appeared on his third album "Class Clown," also released in 1972.
"There are some words you can say part of the time. Most of the time 'ass' is all right on television," Carlin noted in his introduction to the then controversial monologue. "You can say, well, 'You've made a perfect ass of yourself tonight.' You can use ass in a religious sense, if you happen to be the redeemer riding into town on one — perfectly all right."
The material seems innocuous by today's standards, but it caused an uproar when broadcast on the New York radio station WBAI in the early seventies. The station was censured and fined by the FCC. And in 1978, their ruling was supported by the Supreme Court, which Time magazine reported, "upheld an FCC ban on 'offensive material' during hours when children are in the audience." Carlin, refused to drop the bit and was arrested several times after reciting it on stage.
Carlin released a half dozen comedy albums during the '70s, including the million-record sellers "Class Clown," "Occupation: Foole" (1973) and "An Evening With Wally Lando" (1975). He was chosen to host the first episode of the late-night comedy show "Saturday Night Live" in 1975. And two years later, he found the perfect platform for his brand of acerbic, cerebral, sometimes off-color standup humor in the fledgling, less restricted world of cable television. By 1977, when his first HBO comedy special, "George Carlin at USC" was aired, he was recognized as one of the era's most influential comedians. In the years following his 1977 cable debut, Carlin was nominated for a half dozen Grammy awards and received CableAces awards for best stand-up comedy special for "George Carlin: Doin' It Again (1990) and "George Carlin: Jammin'" (1992). He also won his second Grammy for the album "Jammin'" in 1994.
During the course of his career, Carlin overcame numerous personal trials. His early arrests for obscenity (all of which were dismissed) and struggle to overcome his self-described "heavy drug use" were the most publicized. But in the '80s he also weathered serious tax problems, a heart attack and two open heart surgeries. His greatest setback was the loss of his wife, Brenda Hosbrook, who died in 1997. They had been married for 36 years. Carlin is survived by wife, Sally Wade; daughter Kelly Carlin McCall; son-in-law, Bob McCall; older brother, Patrick Carlin; sister-in-law, Marlene Carlin and long time manager, business partner and best friend Jerold Hamza.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
"Goonies never say die": Adventures in Oregon
I recently told my friend Ricky (who is visiting from out of town) that I would be off for three days in a row this week and spontaneously came up with the idea to check out some hot spots in Oregon, if he was up for it. He was, and off we went.
We left Monday morning in his rental car, with "G.G." (the name of his lovely GPS navigator) in tow. We had a rough idea of some places we wanted to check out, but nothing set in stone. It was an absolutely beautiful day; we couldn't have asked for better weather. Sunny sky with temperatures in the slight 70's, no humidity! After arriving in Portland a little after 1:00, we headed to the Portland Zoo. Ricky had wanted to go there because he had heard it's supposedly awesome.
In retrospect, it certainly wasn't all it was cracked up to be...at least we didn't think so. It was ok, but definitely not a photography lover's dream. Trees engulf a majority of the zoo, which gives the feeling one is walking through a pseudo-rainforest. Very soothing to walk through (minus the endless crowds of overactive young children swarming us, on a summer camp field trip I am guessing) and the shade from the trees conducive to hot and humid days. For taking pictures though, not so much. In addition to the trees creating a mostly dark atmosphere, most animals were behind glass windows and/or behind metal wirings of some sort. I took lots of photos, but was not satisfied with the quality of most of them. We also wondered if the animals were doped up on some drugs because most of them were napping or on their way to naptime. Ricky: "I want some ACTIVE animals!" In the rare instances an animal was actually standing or 'active' in the slightest way, they were usually mooning us. There are only so many pictures one can take of an animal's ass! Needless to say, the zoo wasn't particularly the top highlight of our Oregon adventures. Oh well.
After the zoo debacle, we checked in to the nearby Holiday Inn to drop our shit off before heading out for a late lunch. I had a craving for some suburban restaurant food. Olive Garden in Beaverton, Oregon won the grand prize. I must say we had overly friendly and attentive waitresses/servers during our two day Oregon trip, probably the most friendly waitresses I've had at a restaurant. I think Oregon is my new favorite state. Anyway, getting back to what I was saying. Having seen that we were the poster children for tourists (me in my "I Heart New York" tshirt, ironic cause I've never actually been to New York....and Ricky with his multiple Oregon brochures splayed in front of him on the table), the waitress is nosy and starts asking us questions. We chat with her off and on, usually her catching us in mid forkful of food with her curious questions. She was very perky indeed and gave us some more possible ideas of places to check out.
Towards the end of our meal, my phone rings. It's a local number; I don't answer. Minutes later, I check my message. It's a lady from a women's treatment program, wanting to know if I'd be interested to set up an interview with her for this Thursday afternoon. I save the message and decide to call her tomorrow. Not two minutes later, our waitress is delivering some food to the party of six or seven behind our table. I'm not one to typically eavesdrop on conversations, but it was the strangest thing. I didn't hear anything else and yet I heard her say "I have a degree in Substance Abuse Counseling." My ears perked up. I cannot escape themes of substance abuse, even while on vacation! I thought it was funny, the irony.
As she turned around to walk away from the table and walk past our table, I stopped her. "Did I just hear you say you have a degree in Substance Abuse Counseling?!" My ears did not deceive me; it was true. She went on to tell me that for two years, she was prescribed to take Xanax for horrible panic/anxiety problems and that she remembers hardly anything from that time of her life (meaning, she got hooked on it). She went on to rebuild her life, adding "It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do." I assume this is what made her decide to pursue her degree, to give back to others. While it seems to be something she is passionate about, she went on to say that she makes more money working at Olive Garden ("I believe it" I tell her) and that counselors should be paid more money since they're the ones helping all these troubled people. I couldn't stop shaking my head in absolute agreement.....
Next stop: Portland's highly acclaimed Japanese Garden. This turned out to be my favorite place in Portland. Even the pictures I took don't do it justice. This place is as close as it gets to the real thing. It's like stepping into a different realm of existence, representing the epitome of 'zen,' 'peace,' and simplistic 'beauty.' Japanese architecture, waterfalls, flowers, bamboo shoots with water dripping into small fountains, moss covered rocks, cool shaped steps and walking paths, rocks in sand. Simply amazing and relaxing.
We then walked across the street to the Rose Test Garden. The smells emanating in the air as we walked in couldn't even fit in a single bottle of the most floral of perfumes. Another photographer's paradise. Unfortunately, my digital camera died after taking just one photo there. I was upset, but thought maybe the gods were trying to tell me that this was literally the time for me to 'Stop and smell the roses." So I did. Plus, I can snatch some of Ricky's photos later. :)
We went back to the hotel to call it a night. I had a margarita in the bar area of the hotel, though it tasted more like seltzer water with a pinch of lime and tequila. Hmmm, I don't know.....
End of day 1. I sleep like a rock on the heavenly Holiday Inn bed. Ahhh.
Tuesday, June 17 2008
I wake up to the sound of an airplane or helicopter. With the drapes closed, it is very dark in the room. I have no sense of time and think it must be late in the morning. It's only 7:15am! But I'm awake and unpredictably excited, so I hop out of bed and take a shower, pack my bag, and am ready to go! Ricky wakes up around 8:30, wondering why I didn't wake him up; I didn't want to be a Travel Nazi. After grabbing some breakfast and coffee for the road, we head towards our next destination: Astoria, Oregon. I'm stoked because this is the place where parts of "The Goonies" was filmed.
Ricky searches for a travel route on "G.G." and she tells us Astoria is about 75 miles away. We're guided along a very green, scenic route that reminds me of a cross between parts of Georgia (with blueberry farm/patches) and parts of Michigan (from my birthday trip in December). On the last 30 or 40 miles of our journey on this desolate, winding country road though.....the little gas icon lights up, indicating that there's a fourth of a tank left. GG tells us that the nearest gas station is 15 miles away, but when we head in the direction of where she claims there is a gas station, it takes us down a dead end dirt road. I'm getting a little nervous. We have no bars on our cell phones. In my mind, I'm already strategizing what the hell we would do if the car were to suddenly stop. I tell Ricky I've already been with two friends whose car ran out of gas (1. Year 2000: Nicole's car in San Marcos, Tx and 2. Year 2004: Kris' car in front of Melrose restaurant on Broadway in my Chicago neighborhood). "I don't want you to be the third," I tell him.
"Oh, just think of the blog you could write...." Ricky says.
I'm not that hard up for blog material, am I?
At mile marker 23 or thereabouts, we come upon an older gentleman road worker. Ricky rolls the window down and asks how far to the nearest gas station. Right around marker number 10. Hope we can make it. Surprisingly, we managed to endure the anxiety with a mutual sense of humor considering. I continued to play DJ with an 80's cd. Listened to a minute or two of Michael Jackson's "Thriller" and then I decided,
"Perhaps this isn't the best song to be listening to right now..."
"I was just thinking the same thing."
Of course, neither was "Smooth Criminal," but I liked the song too much to skip that as well. I took my chances with our gas crisis fate.
We started counting down the mile markers. It gave us an unexplainable sense of motivation and hope that we would outfox the vehicle. Fortunately, we glided into the old country gas station with body parts and dignity still intact. After we pull out of the station with a FULL tank of gas, Ricky tells me the lady working there told him alot of people that come to her gas station are in nervous mode by the time they find this godsent of a gas station. Like I said: middle of nowhere folks.
It's too bad we couldn't have stopped along that journey because it truly was beautiful, ideal for taking pictures.
Nearing the end of our journey by this point, we finally arrive in Astoria around noon. Walked around, took a few pictures, and had lunch at a seafood restaurant along the water. The weather was teetering on slightly crappy to borderline nice. At this point, I figured the day couldn't go downhill after the gas scare. Thankfully, I was right. :)
Again, we had a delightful waitress: full of smiles and great touristy suggestions. I had a tasty clam chowder breadbowl. It wasn't as thick as New England Clam Chowder, though it was still creamy. I had to wonder, does Oregon have their own characteristic version of clam chowder?
Our waitress gave us a plethora of exciting options. "The Goonies" was apparently filmed in various locations, the house being just up the street near/just past 39th. We never did find this on our trip back, but I'm sure it's up there somewhere. We told her we wanted to check out the coast and inquired as to where the end shot was filmed. Good thing we asked; we never would have found out on our own. FYI to all you Goonies enthusiasts: Cannon Beach. And it rocks. But more on that in a minute. With her help, we narrowed our to-do itinerary to the following places:
1. The Astoria column (which is historically significant, as part of the Lewis and Clark expedition,etc). We drove up there and snapped a few pictures, a view overlooking Astoria.
2. Cape Disappointment Lighthouse. We wondered what would motivate one to see something with the word 'disappointment' in it, yet I was driven by the quest to get a picture of a lighthouse. Ricky bragged about having great lighthouse photos from the coast of Maine (yes, I'm jealous). He took pity on me since I had none and thus, we headed to Cape Disappointment. Went on an awesome hike there. Very lush with lots of trees. We also came upon this little island called the Dead Man's Cove. Climbed down there and hung out for a bit. It reminded me of an island you'd see on "Lost" or similar such survivor type islands. I enjoyed this spot immensely. Took lots of pictures.
We continued on our hike to Cape Disappointment. Let's just say it lives up to its name, a very stark contrast to its lighthouse cousins on the East coast. It was smaller than I thought. Dilapidated with white paint that had been chipped away, it was obvious mother nature did not favor this shitty lighthouse either. We made our way back to our starting point, out of breath and sweaty from our great, arduous hike.
3. Cannon Beach
Next to the Japanese Garden, this was our other favorite place. Now I know why people rave about the Oregon Coast. Wow. An hour or two away from Astoria, Cannon Beach is awe inspiring. My photos didn't fully capture the magical magnificence of this place either. I still snapped away though. There was some kind of reception going on at the Ecola State Park (which is part of Cannon Beach) when we arrived, probably a wedding reception. Note to self: Remember this place when I am looking for a spot to get married someday!
We ended up finding this dirt path trail. Feeling adventurous, we veered off onto the path with a curiosity of where it would take us. It was definitely a hiking road less traveled. If it wasn't for the carved out dirt trail, one never would have guessed it was a hiking area. We had to push past tall patches of grass/nature and a few minutes later, came upon a steep section that descented to the bottom of the beach/rocks (I'm guessing about 40 to 60 feet below us). Ricky spotted a cave. We wondered if this was THE cave where the Goonies came out of, victorious and richer. Ricky was itching to go down there. He was feeling crazy and I was feeling cautious. While it seemed risky and fun, the reality was that I was wearing cheap Payless sneakers with no traction. I trust myself and nature when it comes to adventure hikes, but not Payless. I encouraged him to go for it. Meanwhile, I sat my ass down on the steep hill where I had stopped with my hike, and documented his crazy descent. I told him his ass better make it back up, because I didn't have my phone with me and there wasn't a human being in sight (for the second time, in our quest for adventure on this trip). I didn't want to end up as an example of nature experience gone awry in one of those survivor/in the wild books. My imagination was in overdrive again. So what do I do? Click away with my camera. I obviously wasn't that panic stricken. It would be just like me though to die careening off a cliff that I didn't even have the audacity to conquer due to lack of shoe preparation. But, "Goonies never say die."
Ricky ended up sliding down half of the way down and made it back up a few minutes later, still alive! I swear I saw a small gray creature scurry past five feet away from me. Thankfully, whatever it was stayed hidden while I attempted my way back. I had to jump from the hill I was chilling out at onto the more even patch of dirt. This was the only moment I was truly nervous, because Ricky wasn't there to grab my hand as a balance during this jump and one slight wrong move, I'd be sliding down that same steep spot down to the bottom NOT by choice. Seeing as I'm writing this, that was not the case. I felt a slight triumph and we made our way back to the car. This marked a momentous ending to the Oregon turned Goonies adventures.
We left Monday morning in his rental car, with "G.G." (the name of his lovely GPS navigator) in tow. We had a rough idea of some places we wanted to check out, but nothing set in stone. It was an absolutely beautiful day; we couldn't have asked for better weather. Sunny sky with temperatures in the slight 70's, no humidity! After arriving in Portland a little after 1:00, we headed to the Portland Zoo. Ricky had wanted to go there because he had heard it's supposedly awesome.
In retrospect, it certainly wasn't all it was cracked up to be...at least we didn't think so. It was ok, but definitely not a photography lover's dream. Trees engulf a majority of the zoo, which gives the feeling one is walking through a pseudo-rainforest. Very soothing to walk through (minus the endless crowds of overactive young children swarming us, on a summer camp field trip I am guessing) and the shade from the trees conducive to hot and humid days. For taking pictures though, not so much. In addition to the trees creating a mostly dark atmosphere, most animals were behind glass windows and/or behind metal wirings of some sort. I took lots of photos, but was not satisfied with the quality of most of them. We also wondered if the animals were doped up on some drugs because most of them were napping or on their way to naptime. Ricky: "I want some ACTIVE animals!" In the rare instances an animal was actually standing or 'active' in the slightest way, they were usually mooning us. There are only so many pictures one can take of an animal's ass! Needless to say, the zoo wasn't particularly the top highlight of our Oregon adventures. Oh well.
After the zoo debacle, we checked in to the nearby Holiday Inn to drop our shit off before heading out for a late lunch. I had a craving for some suburban restaurant food. Olive Garden in Beaverton, Oregon won the grand prize. I must say we had overly friendly and attentive waitresses/servers during our two day Oregon trip, probably the most friendly waitresses I've had at a restaurant. I think Oregon is my new favorite state. Anyway, getting back to what I was saying. Having seen that we were the poster children for tourists (me in my "I Heart New York" tshirt, ironic cause I've never actually been to New York....and Ricky with his multiple Oregon brochures splayed in front of him on the table), the waitress is nosy and starts asking us questions. We chat with her off and on, usually her catching us in mid forkful of food with her curious questions. She was very perky indeed and gave us some more possible ideas of places to check out.
Towards the end of our meal, my phone rings. It's a local number; I don't answer. Minutes later, I check my message. It's a lady from a women's treatment program, wanting to know if I'd be interested to set up an interview with her for this Thursday afternoon. I save the message and decide to call her tomorrow. Not two minutes later, our waitress is delivering some food to the party of six or seven behind our table. I'm not one to typically eavesdrop on conversations, but it was the strangest thing. I didn't hear anything else and yet I heard her say "I have a degree in Substance Abuse Counseling." My ears perked up. I cannot escape themes of substance abuse, even while on vacation! I thought it was funny, the irony.
As she turned around to walk away from the table and walk past our table, I stopped her. "Did I just hear you say you have a degree in Substance Abuse Counseling?!" My ears did not deceive me; it was true. She went on to tell me that for two years, she was prescribed to take Xanax for horrible panic/anxiety problems and that she remembers hardly anything from that time of her life (meaning, she got hooked on it). She went on to rebuild her life, adding "It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do." I assume this is what made her decide to pursue her degree, to give back to others. While it seems to be something she is passionate about, she went on to say that she makes more money working at Olive Garden ("I believe it" I tell her) and that counselors should be paid more money since they're the ones helping all these troubled people. I couldn't stop shaking my head in absolute agreement.....
Next stop: Portland's highly acclaimed Japanese Garden. This turned out to be my favorite place in Portland. Even the pictures I took don't do it justice. This place is as close as it gets to the real thing. It's like stepping into a different realm of existence, representing the epitome of 'zen,' 'peace,' and simplistic 'beauty.' Japanese architecture, waterfalls, flowers, bamboo shoots with water dripping into small fountains, moss covered rocks, cool shaped steps and walking paths, rocks in sand. Simply amazing and relaxing.
We then walked across the street to the Rose Test Garden. The smells emanating in the air as we walked in couldn't even fit in a single bottle of the most floral of perfumes. Another photographer's paradise. Unfortunately, my digital camera died after taking just one photo there. I was upset, but thought maybe the gods were trying to tell me that this was literally the time for me to 'Stop and smell the roses." So I did. Plus, I can snatch some of Ricky's photos later. :)
We went back to the hotel to call it a night. I had a margarita in the bar area of the hotel, though it tasted more like seltzer water with a pinch of lime and tequila. Hmmm, I don't know.....
End of day 1. I sleep like a rock on the heavenly Holiday Inn bed. Ahhh.
Tuesday, June 17 2008
I wake up to the sound of an airplane or helicopter. With the drapes closed, it is very dark in the room. I have no sense of time and think it must be late in the morning. It's only 7:15am! But I'm awake and unpredictably excited, so I hop out of bed and take a shower, pack my bag, and am ready to go! Ricky wakes up around 8:30, wondering why I didn't wake him up; I didn't want to be a Travel Nazi. After grabbing some breakfast and coffee for the road, we head towards our next destination: Astoria, Oregon. I'm stoked because this is the place where parts of "The Goonies" was filmed.
Ricky searches for a travel route on "G.G." and she tells us Astoria is about 75 miles away. We're guided along a very green, scenic route that reminds me of a cross between parts of Georgia (with blueberry farm/patches) and parts of Michigan (from my birthday trip in December). On the last 30 or 40 miles of our journey on this desolate, winding country road though.....the little gas icon lights up, indicating that there's a fourth of a tank left. GG tells us that the nearest gas station is 15 miles away, but when we head in the direction of where she claims there is a gas station, it takes us down a dead end dirt road. I'm getting a little nervous. We have no bars on our cell phones. In my mind, I'm already strategizing what the hell we would do if the car were to suddenly stop. I tell Ricky I've already been with two friends whose car ran out of gas (1. Year 2000: Nicole's car in San Marcos, Tx and 2. Year 2004: Kris' car in front of Melrose restaurant on Broadway in my Chicago neighborhood). "I don't want you to be the third," I tell him.
"Oh, just think of the blog you could write...." Ricky says.
I'm not that hard up for blog material, am I?
At mile marker 23 or thereabouts, we come upon an older gentleman road worker. Ricky rolls the window down and asks how far to the nearest gas station. Right around marker number 10. Hope we can make it. Surprisingly, we managed to endure the anxiety with a mutual sense of humor considering. I continued to play DJ with an 80's cd. Listened to a minute or two of Michael Jackson's "Thriller" and then I decided,
"Perhaps this isn't the best song to be listening to right now..."
"I was just thinking the same thing."
Of course, neither was "Smooth Criminal," but I liked the song too much to skip that as well. I took my chances with our gas crisis fate.
We started counting down the mile markers. It gave us an unexplainable sense of motivation and hope that we would outfox the vehicle. Fortunately, we glided into the old country gas station with body parts and dignity still intact. After we pull out of the station with a FULL tank of gas, Ricky tells me the lady working there told him alot of people that come to her gas station are in nervous mode by the time they find this godsent of a gas station. Like I said: middle of nowhere folks.
It's too bad we couldn't have stopped along that journey because it truly was beautiful, ideal for taking pictures.
Nearing the end of our journey by this point, we finally arrive in Astoria around noon. Walked around, took a few pictures, and had lunch at a seafood restaurant along the water. The weather was teetering on slightly crappy to borderline nice. At this point, I figured the day couldn't go downhill after the gas scare. Thankfully, I was right. :)
Again, we had a delightful waitress: full of smiles and great touristy suggestions. I had a tasty clam chowder breadbowl. It wasn't as thick as New England Clam Chowder, though it was still creamy. I had to wonder, does Oregon have their own characteristic version of clam chowder?
Our waitress gave us a plethora of exciting options. "The Goonies" was apparently filmed in various locations, the house being just up the street near/just past 39th. We never did find this on our trip back, but I'm sure it's up there somewhere. We told her we wanted to check out the coast and inquired as to where the end shot was filmed. Good thing we asked; we never would have found out on our own. FYI to all you Goonies enthusiasts: Cannon Beach. And it rocks. But more on that in a minute. With her help, we narrowed our to-do itinerary to the following places:
1. The Astoria column (which is historically significant, as part of the Lewis and Clark expedition,etc). We drove up there and snapped a few pictures, a view overlooking Astoria.
2. Cape Disappointment Lighthouse. We wondered what would motivate one to see something with the word 'disappointment' in it, yet I was driven by the quest to get a picture of a lighthouse. Ricky bragged about having great lighthouse photos from the coast of Maine (yes, I'm jealous). He took pity on me since I had none and thus, we headed to Cape Disappointment. Went on an awesome hike there. Very lush with lots of trees. We also came upon this little island called the Dead Man's Cove. Climbed down there and hung out for a bit. It reminded me of an island you'd see on "Lost" or similar such survivor type islands. I enjoyed this spot immensely. Took lots of pictures.
We continued on our hike to Cape Disappointment. Let's just say it lives up to its name, a very stark contrast to its lighthouse cousins on the East coast. It was smaller than I thought. Dilapidated with white paint that had been chipped away, it was obvious mother nature did not favor this shitty lighthouse either. We made our way back to our starting point, out of breath and sweaty from our great, arduous hike.
3. Cannon Beach
Next to the Japanese Garden, this was our other favorite place. Now I know why people rave about the Oregon Coast. Wow. An hour or two away from Astoria, Cannon Beach is awe inspiring. My photos didn't fully capture the magical magnificence of this place either. I still snapped away though. There was some kind of reception going on at the Ecola State Park (which is part of Cannon Beach) when we arrived, probably a wedding reception. Note to self: Remember this place when I am looking for a spot to get married someday!
We ended up finding this dirt path trail. Feeling adventurous, we veered off onto the path with a curiosity of where it would take us. It was definitely a hiking road less traveled. If it wasn't for the carved out dirt trail, one never would have guessed it was a hiking area. We had to push past tall patches of grass/nature and a few minutes later, came upon a steep section that descented to the bottom of the beach/rocks (I'm guessing about 40 to 60 feet below us). Ricky spotted a cave. We wondered if this was THE cave where the Goonies came out of, victorious and richer. Ricky was itching to go down there. He was feeling crazy and I was feeling cautious. While it seemed risky and fun, the reality was that I was wearing cheap Payless sneakers with no traction. I trust myself and nature when it comes to adventure hikes, but not Payless. I encouraged him to go for it. Meanwhile, I sat my ass down on the steep hill where I had stopped with my hike, and documented his crazy descent. I told him his ass better make it back up, because I didn't have my phone with me and there wasn't a human being in sight (for the second time, in our quest for adventure on this trip). I didn't want to end up as an example of nature experience gone awry in one of those survivor/in the wild books. My imagination was in overdrive again. So what do I do? Click away with my camera. I obviously wasn't that panic stricken. It would be just like me though to die careening off a cliff that I didn't even have the audacity to conquer due to lack of shoe preparation. But, "Goonies never say die."
Ricky ended up sliding down half of the way down and made it back up a few minutes later, still alive! I swear I saw a small gray creature scurry past five feet away from me. Thankfully, whatever it was stayed hidden while I attempted my way back. I had to jump from the hill I was chilling out at onto the more even patch of dirt. This was the only moment I was truly nervous, because Ricky wasn't there to grab my hand as a balance during this jump and one slight wrong move, I'd be sliding down that same steep spot down to the bottom NOT by choice. Seeing as I'm writing this, that was not the case. I felt a slight triumph and we made our way back to the car. This marked a momentous ending to the Oregon turned Goonies adventures.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Social Psychology in full form, albeit at its worst
Social Psychology ranked high on the top ten list of most interesting psych classes I took for my major, though some of the things I learned were truly disturbing and shameful. One that still stands out vividly in my mind to this day was that of the bystander effect/apathy (see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bystander_effect for a more detailed explanation). It made me wonder if I were hypothetically in such an emergency scenario, if I would succumb to the same social conditioning cues. I don't think I would. Why? The opposite of bystander effect: empathy-altruism.
Perhaps it has less to do with social conditioning and more to do with whether one has empathy and altruistic values. Those that have empathy are more likely to get involved and jump right in when there is an emergency, regardless of what's in it for them or how many people are around. You get involved because 1. it's the right thing to do and 2. to do so is to have compassion for another human being.
I heard about an alarming and tragic accident on the news last week, but I'm just now getting around to writing about it. I just remembered it was something that bothered me and almost made me question whether human beings are inherently good when put to the test.
A 78 year old Hartford, Connecticut man was hit by a car as he was crossing the street. His body flew through the air and landed off to the side of the road. Severely injured and bleeding (profusely I would imagine), not only did the person who hit him speed off without a conscience, several bystanders did NOTHING for minutes on end. The lack of intervention disgusts me. I am reminded why I choose not to watch the news very often; I know I would be more cynical than I already feel about people just watching the occasional news story.
I do realize there are good people who do good things all the time, and yet it's not "sensational" enough to make the news. But that's a whole other subject of discussion!
Psychologically speaking, this tragic incident reinforces the bystander apathy theory. People are reluctant to get involved or take on any kind of social responsibility. This doesn't sit well with me, at all. I love psychology, don't get me wrong, but in some instances, it goes beyond psychology.
My spiritual and philosophical side isn't satisfied with that theory to explain the prevalence of apathy in so many societal scenarios. It goes deeper than the mind (psychology). It's about the heart, that of compassion and a sense of humanity. Where is it? Do we as a society pick and choose what is easiest or the most self-beneficial to be compassionate about, as if we're at the grocery store trying to choose between limes and lemons? As if it's all about oneself, not that of interconnectedness. I cannot fathom this; I am not selective with my compassion. My cup runneth over, as the saying goes.
What was going on with the bystanders as they walked by the bleeding man? Was it "Oh, he'll be ok....he doesn't look that bad..." or "I need to get to class/work/somewhere and don't have time!"?
Did any of them feel horrible later, in retrospect, for not choosing to be the one to step up to the plate and be a compassionate citizen? I wasn't there, so I couldn't tell ya. Hopefully I'll never have to answer such questions from an experiential standpoint.
On a more positive note, I'll tell you something slightly of the same variety with a different ending, one of empathy.
I can't remember when this happened, sometime in the past six months I think. My mom told me she was driving and saw an elderly woman fall nearby in the road.
She helped her.
Right away and with no hesitation.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Weird and random things about me
1. Culture and sociology topics completely fascinate me.
2. Fake people really annoy me. I'm too honest and genuine, so I have a hard time faking when I don't care for someone. I'll be polite, but not overly friendly in such instances.
3. I tend to be more witty in person or on the phone than online. I think I come across more serious online. No idea why though. Maybe my nonverbal communication is more playful and animated?
4. People may perceive me as 'girly' at times, which I think is hilarious because the only thing that makes me 'girly' is that I wear makeup....which I only do because it helps me look more like an adult and less like a teenager (I have a problem of looking too young at times).
5. I leave the ends of pickles on the plate at restaurants, uneaten. Yup, I'm weird.
6. I have adverse psychological reactions to too much of anything: too much routine, too much chaos, too much noise, too much socializing, too much time on my hands, too much judgment/negativity, too much dogma....therefore, I strive for happy mediums in my life. :)
7. Though I have a spiritual side, I rarely talk about it. I'm more private when it comes to this aspect of myself.
8. I wish I had my own therapist sometimes. A great, objective listener with helpful and insightful qualities is hard to find when I am the one who needs guidance and solutions to challenges.
9. Needy people annoy me, yet I can be just as needy at times too...and I then annoy myself. Haha.
10. According to my mother, 'you read the strangest books....' and I love telling weird anecdotes.
11. I love most things Latin: margaritas, food, men. Yes, I should have either been born with a Latin background or perhaps as my friend Sebastian says, I just need to date/marry a 'brown boy' already. hehehe
12. I don't talk about myself as much as most people, unless I feel close to a particular person or sometimes in my writing.
13. I have more questions than answers, which apparently not everyone likes.
14. I have avocado craving phases.
15. I'm not typically a jealous person, but when I do get jealous, it's not usually in a romantic sense but more in the aspect of adventure and travel. For example, I am slightly jealous of my brother's recent travels around the world. Maybe this is why I become both intrigued and depressed whenever I watch The Travel Channel (don't watch it much anymore, hahaha!).
16. The cost of my student loans could probably buy me a small house.
17. I wonder if I'll ever get married.
18. I want a dog 'child' to call my own (more than I want a human child).
19. I could never give up cheese. I tried once and it only lasted a few days. I love it too much. I will never be a vegan!
20. At some point in time, I have had a crush on my close male friends.
2. Fake people really annoy me. I'm too honest and genuine, so I have a hard time faking when I don't care for someone. I'll be polite, but not overly friendly in such instances.
3. I tend to be more witty in person or on the phone than online. I think I come across more serious online. No idea why though. Maybe my nonverbal communication is more playful and animated?
4. People may perceive me as 'girly' at times, which I think is hilarious because the only thing that makes me 'girly' is that I wear makeup....which I only do because it helps me look more like an adult and less like a teenager (I have a problem of looking too young at times).
5. I leave the ends of pickles on the plate at restaurants, uneaten. Yup, I'm weird.
6. I have adverse psychological reactions to too much of anything: too much routine, too much chaos, too much noise, too much socializing, too much time on my hands, too much judgment/negativity, too much dogma....therefore, I strive for happy mediums in my life. :)
7. Though I have a spiritual side, I rarely talk about it. I'm more private when it comes to this aspect of myself.
8. I wish I had my own therapist sometimes. A great, objective listener with helpful and insightful qualities is hard to find when I am the one who needs guidance and solutions to challenges.
9. Needy people annoy me, yet I can be just as needy at times too...and I then annoy myself. Haha.
10. According to my mother, 'you read the strangest books....' and I love telling weird anecdotes.
11. I love most things Latin: margaritas, food, men. Yes, I should have either been born with a Latin background or perhaps as my friend Sebastian says, I just need to date/marry a 'brown boy' already. hehehe
12. I don't talk about myself as much as most people, unless I feel close to a particular person or sometimes in my writing.
13. I have more questions than answers, which apparently not everyone likes.
14. I have avocado craving phases.
15. I'm not typically a jealous person, but when I do get jealous, it's not usually in a romantic sense but more in the aspect of adventure and travel. For example, I am slightly jealous of my brother's recent travels around the world. Maybe this is why I become both intrigued and depressed whenever I watch The Travel Channel (don't watch it much anymore, hahaha!).
16. The cost of my student loans could probably buy me a small house.
17. I wonder if I'll ever get married.
18. I want a dog 'child' to call my own (more than I want a human child).
19. I could never give up cheese. I tried once and it only lasted a few days. I love it too much. I will never be a vegan!
20. At some point in time, I have had a crush on my close male friends.
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