I have been thinking about this off and on the past 24 hours. In an IM conversation with a friend last night, I was telling him how I don't think I could be a therapist for the rest of my life because I don't think I have the patience for it. Today, however, I realized it's not about an issue of patience. It's about an issue of independence, not to mention the time and energy for 'me' time.I made somewhat of a spontaneous decision/goal for myself today and in a weird way, it gave me a sense of reassurance. Having just finished my SECOND day of my new counseling job, I already feel inundated with information and responsibilities, overwhelmed by the magnitude of this new role assigned to me. I know it's partially because I'm new and have SO much to learn as far as the computer program, daily operations, and learning all the requirements of caseload management. I realize alot of my anxiety will subside once I get in the swing of knowing what the hell I'm doing, but what if the bogged down feeling never goes away?
Agencies seem to be notorious for giving you more than you can reasonably (sanity wise) handle....because they can. It's like working at the bottom rung of a ladder: you don't have much power to be selective. You're forced to take what they give you and hope you don't fall prey to burnout. You know it's bad when you wish you could clone yourself, just so you can feel a relief that everything you need to do will get done.
See, being a therapist at an agency isn't just counseling. People typically tend to perceive counseling in the stereotypical ways portrayed in tv shows and movies. Scenes of therapists who have their own private practice office with posh couches where the client easily and effortlessly vents about their problems as the therapist (who is usually wearing glasses, I guess to look 'scholarly?') says some cliche' phrase whilst pensively waiting for the client to have some kind of insightful moment/say something pivotal. Ha! I wish it were that easy and simple sometimes!
What people don't know and/or understand is that there's case management bullshit that comes along with the job. Plus, the clientele aren't always the cream of the therapist's dream crop. They too are usually at the bottom rung of the ladder. I've learned that the saying 'you get what you pay for' couldn't be more true......
which is why I've decided that I am giving myself 2-3 years to figure out a clever way to get myself a job working independently (once I'm licensed, I plan on researching this top to bottom!) in a private practice setting.
If I do not, I have determined that I will reconsider my career path. Shocking? Not to me. Why? Because there is more to life than identifying myself with my work and I refuse to become a burnt out slave with no life outside of work (aka, a cranky and unhappy human being) and/or too exhausted to do anything but work. And I see that being a possibility if I don't somehow get the hell out of the agency arena.
I'm not sure what else I could do for work. I enjoy writing, but I don't know how I could turn that into a career...unless I became a journalist or write a book. Hmmm, any suggestions?
On a positive note, I do like the other therapists at work. It's weird to go from working independently (like at my last job) with my own office to a group setting of sharing one big office with 6 or 7 other therapists), but it is nice to have other therapists to talk to nearby. They (along with the receptionist) have been very kind and helpful with all my slightly frazzled questions and seem interested in wanting to get to know me too, which has been comforting.
I have my first session tomorrow. I'll be curious to see how it goes and as time goes on, how the clientele at this agency compare/contrast to those I worked with at my previous job (if they will be easier to work with, more difficult, or about the same). This factor may also influence how much I will enjoy this job.
When I found myself starting to get stressed out today (about all the shit I have yet to get done), I reassured myself that I am only one person and certain things take priority over others. Whatever I won't do today, will be there waiting for me on my desk tomorrow. Because it stays there. I don't take work home with me and I will not make it a habit of staying later than 5:00.
And that's the way it's gonna be. :)
3 comments:
So your office doesn’t look like the one Tony Soprano goes to?
That is how is with all people at the bottom of a “career” job. You do way more than you can handle until you learn to handle it. By then you can put some of the work on someone else. But at least it’s not retail!
It’s called cutting your teeth or getting your bones in the business world(and mob for some reason). I agree, if after two or three years you are really unhappy and no new opportunities arise then it may be career change time. I kinda think dreams of being a writer are like dreams of being in a rock band. Don’t quit your day job. I’m pretty sure most journalist and writers do “other” things to make money while keeping the fun, high profile job. But what you got going for you is that you are practicing almost everyday. And you HAVE to do this to develop. Ruby wants to write to but doesn’t practice enough. I don’t know how to tell her if she is serious you have to get on it.
What I don’t get is there are millions out there who are writer why does it just have to be one in a million that makes it. I guess I don’t know cuz I never tried. I kick myself that I didn’t have more ambition and creativity to find something I enjoy more career-wise. I had to end up following in my Dad’s footsteps. But it’s not that bad. Its just I’m frustrated like you. Way too much of a work load and responsibility. At least you are thinking now and not later.
To the other friends of yours that read this I want to know; if you are our age do you see the next twenty years as all work and not much time for yourself? Is that just how it is? I work 8-6:30 is this too much?
Katie~
I think you are feeling a bit overwhelmed because it is the beginning of something new for you. But I think you are right when you say that the clients you cater to aren't what you see on t.v. But without them, you wouldn't have work. Without you, who knows where they would be? Give it time...before too long you'll be feeling great there, and if you are ready to open your own practice, that would be great, too. I agree with Sebastian's post. But you know I will always support you....you have to be happy. Life's too short.
Sebastian~
I agree with you on your comments regarding handling a new job. Although I have never worked in the traditional business world, I feel like I can still relate in the educational field. To answer your question about the next twenty years...no, I don't see it as all work and little time for myself. I think if that ever became the truth for me, I would have to make some changes. I enjoy work, but I can't have it control my life. Yes, I have been guilty for working too many hours in a day and for taking on too much, but I soon realize that I have to stop or I'll become burned out. Do you work too much now? I don't know. It's hard for someone else to give you the answer. How do you feel? Do you think you work too much? Do you have enough time for yourself? If not, is it because of work or something else?
Wow!I have awesome friends. I love you guys! :) Thank you both for such a thoughtful response; I can't tell you how much it means to me.
Sebastian: Do you want me to give Ruby a little writer's 'push?' :) I agree with you too...how do all these people make it in the world of writing/publishing? I guess if it's meant to be ('in the cards,' so to speak) then it will happen! As for you and your career, honestly Sebastian, I don't think it has anything to do with ambition because you are clearly ambitious with your current occupation.
Creativity though....you might have a point there. What else would you want to do than what you're already doing? You may have followed in your Dad's footsteps, but is it because you didn't have anything else to go on (lack of any perceived better options at the time) or was it because you somehow sacrificed your dreams for his (hopefully this isn't the case)?
Finally, I think we all need to pitch in for a pool of lotto tickets. I figure coming together will up our chances of winning and thus, could solve all these conundrums and frustrations. I could stop blogging and counseling, and actually write a book. You could quit your job, twiddle your thumbs if you so chose, and figure out what YOU really want to do with all your pent up ambition and creativity. I'm so smart, huh? :)
Tracy,
All I can say is....I truly can't wait for you to get here. We are going to have SO much fun that whatever stress I'm enduring now due to this major transitional life change will be totally worth the fact that you and I will live closer to each other someday. :) Love you lots. Hugs, hugs, hugs!
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