Currently Reading/Watching

Books I'm currently reading:

"Notes on a Foreign Country: An American Abroad in a Post-American World" by Suzy Hansen. Curious to hear her non-US-centric perspective.

The new "Leonardo da Vinci" by Walter Issacson. Leo keeps popping up in my life lately as I look for some inspiration and a muse for more creativity in my life. Plus, he's just brilliant. I wish I could have known him. And I'd love to soak up all the knowledge I can since I most likely will be traveling to Italy in June 2018. !!!

Interesting shows, documentaries, and movies I've watched/am watching in the past month:

Binge watched "Handmaid's Tale" a few weeks ago. Super disturbing and essential show for women to watch. Very well done show.

Anthony Bourdain's "Parts Unknown"on Netflix to inspire my wanderlust for travel and food :)

Ken Burn's new 10 part documentary "The Vietnam War" via Amazon Prime. Quite extensive in length and footage. I am blown away by all I'm learning  (D and I have watched 5 out of 10 episodes thus far). It's so great to see Marine veterans talking about their harrowing and mentally as well as emotionally traumatic experiences as well as their conflicting thoughts about the nuances of this decade long war...even though the intensity of this documentary is hard to watch and hear at times. And LBJ...what a stubborn egotistical asshole. Highly recommend this documentary.

Just started "Mr. Robot" last night at the recommendation of my brother and mom. Enjoying the weirdness so far two episodes in.

David Cronenberg's "Scanners." One of the creepiest movies I've seen in years. I thought I was going to have nightmares last night. Not sure what to think of this one.

Retrain the brain

The running theme for me this year: Re-train your brain. It's been challenging at times, but it has served me well and has reinforced my belief that the mind can facilitate a powerful process as well as  a powerful outcome with an adequate dose of self-discipline and curiosity.

The big one for me started just a few days before the new year of 2017. I had seen a friend post on social media here and there about this thing she was doing called Whole 30. The photos she would post of her meals looked delicious and healthy. I became curious to learn what this was all about, so with my Barnes and Noble gift cards in tow I scooped up "It Starts With Food" and a Whole 30 cookbook. I read the former within a few days time and impulsively made a decision to commit to 30 days of gluten-free, dairy-free, legume-free, corn-free, alcohol-free, and sugar-free (sans fruit) for 30 days in the month of January.

I mainly wanted to see if I could do it and if I would feel differently on a whole foods diet. It sounds silly, but it was definitely one of the hardest things I've ever done. It required a self-discipline on a more challenging level as I had to constantly be aware of the foods I was picking and if I bought something that was already made I had to check the ingredient labels....and boy, was I surprised to see sugar in SO many products. No wonder we have an obesity crisis in the US. I had to learn to cook different foods. I had to get through some tough food cravings (including referring to my "relapse prevention"reminder list, especially every Friday...my "trigger" night of the week). Most importantly, I had to retrain my brain regarding my relationship with food.

And yes, I did make it the whole 30 days, plus the extra days of gradually reintroducing all the things I went without for that month. While I definitely don't want to eat this way as a lifestyle every day for every meal, I've incorporated it into healthier food habits and have continued to make Whole 30 meals more often than not since the beginning of this year. I also do something I never used to do before....I may eat something unhealthy, but only a little bit of it and then throw the rest away. Novel concept for this gal. I've retrained my brain to be mindful that I don't have to feel guilty about not finishing food and I also don't need to eat until I feel too full...only until I'm satiated. (Now if I could just retrain my brain to not crave chocolate so much...)

The other big conscious decision that I slowly eased into this year? Retraining my brain regarding my miserable anxiety laden relationship with my "smart" phone.I'm starting to think that calling our phones "smart" only makes us more dumb. Until the tech empire changes its mindset though, I need to change mine. Over the past year or two, Facebook and I have grown apart. Facebook became too self-absorbed, leaving me feeling incredibly disconnected. It started to feel like an abusive relationship in that the relationship isolates you from everyone else in your life and one day you wake up realizing you have no one else because you're so controlled by the relationship. Facebook was my abuser and I prepared myself to leave. Like so many victims of abuse, it took some time to figure out how I was going to leave, when I was going to leave, and uncertainty as to whether I would go back only to leave again. I would leave for a week or two here and there, but it's only been since September that I've been separated from Facebook this long: almost 2 months. 

It felt strange at first, but I feel like I'm getting the real me back. Every day I look around me and see so many people chained to their "smart" phone. I feel sad and angry when I see this as I wonder how much they are missing what is going on around them as well as within due to their technological addictions....beauty, real humans in front of them, their own minds. During my "detox" from my unhealthy relationship with Facebook and by extension my phone, my anxiety decreased dramatically and my ability to be in the moment increased substantially. I've been reading more books (if that's even insanely possible for me), thinking and reflecting more, and even starting to get my motivation and drive back for writing (something I haven't done in 3-4 years, except the occasional book review). 

If you want a more fulfilling and/or better quality of life, ask yourself what is most important and most helpful for creating a healthier, happier, more meaningful life for yourself. Then retrain your brain with some mental gymnastics and some gentle/mental stretching. I promise you it is worth the initial struggle. 

Book review of "A Fearless Heart" (7/30/17)

I recently heard this book referenced by Jack Kornfield in an interview/training done by Psychotherapy Networker. Jack Kornfield was talking about how the main ingredient in psychotherapy is love/compassion. I got to pondering and reflecting on this more, thus I decided to read this book as well. Most of the things mentioned in the book I already knew due to my lifelong curiosity and love for the tenets of Buddhism as well as my interest in the increasingly popular theory on how self-compassion can positively transform one's life (specifically Kristin Neff's "Self-Compassion" I have recommended to many of my clients struggling with extreme self-judgment). This book was a refreshing and comforting reminder of why Buddhism has always been a nurturing comfort to me, especially when it comes to suffering personally and the collective suffering of humanity. I also liked how this book gave different exercises one can try to combine deep breathing with meditation.

My favorite thing about this book overall that I hope to be my new mantra (especially in this polarized society we're currently living in) is The Four Immeasurables Prayer:

May all beings attain happiness and its causes.
May all beings be free from suffering and its causes.
May all beings never be separated from joy that is free of misery.
May all beings abide in equanimity, free from bias of attachment and aversion.

Book review on "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck" (9/4/17)

This book arrived in my life at just the right moment. Originally, I was a bit hesitant based on the title. I'm glad I didn't give in to judging a book by its cover because this book did not disappoint in the slightest. Once you keep laughing and get past all the blunt F bombs more so in the beginning (which only adds to its humor and charm), "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck worms its way into your psyche if you allow your heart and soul to go down the rabbit hole with Mark Manson.

It's part hero's journey, part helpful suggestions, and part (non-bullshitty type) self-help insights on life drawn from psychology, philosophy, and a mindful stance of "not giving a fuck" (ie, choosing what to give a fuck about and more so what NOT to give a fuck about in the overall scheme of things). It's nothing that I don't already know on some level, but it's his delivery and particularly the way he integrates it all that drew me in. This book is like a wake up call when you need a swift kick in the ass in your life.

I also strongly identified with his life changing event that he mentions towards the end of the book: how a close friend of his suddenly and unexpectedly died and how that then redefined him as "before" and "after." While it can profoundly transform a person, tragic events don't have to happen for us to alter our perceptions, the choices we make, and the way we live. It can happen right now. Mark Manson emphasizes that we all have choices and we will always have problems. A problem free life is boring, unavoidable, and leaves no room for growth. It's about choosing the good problems to have that will lead us on a journey of meaning and fulfillment, even in the midst of pain.

Halfway through the book, I was curious how other readers on Goodreads felt about this book. Not surprisingly, there were people that either loved or hated this book. If you're wanting a book that will make you feel good about your sense of self, your life choices, and let you know that you're an exceptional/special person....well, this isn't the book for you. And this is why I fucking loved it. Refreshing, honest, emotionally intelligent, thought-provoking, and real....this is something severely lacking in society these days. Everyone needs to read this book, especially in the United States of Entitlement. Perhaps the best book I've devoured in less than two days in years.

Read. This. Fucking Book. And if you don't, well....I just don't give a fuck. You're missing out.