Book review on "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck" (9/4/17)

This book arrived in my life at just the right moment. Originally, I was a bit hesitant based on the title. I'm glad I didn't give in to judging a book by its cover because this book did not disappoint in the slightest. Once you keep laughing and get past all the blunt F bombs more so in the beginning (which only adds to its humor and charm), "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck worms its way into your psyche if you allow your heart and soul to go down the rabbit hole with Mark Manson.

It's part hero's journey, part helpful suggestions, and part (non-bullshitty type) self-help insights on life drawn from psychology, philosophy, and a mindful stance of "not giving a fuck" (ie, choosing what to give a fuck about and more so what NOT to give a fuck about in the overall scheme of things). It's nothing that I don't already know on some level, but it's his delivery and particularly the way he integrates it all that drew me in. This book is like a wake up call when you need a swift kick in the ass in your life.

I also strongly identified with his life changing event that he mentions towards the end of the book: how a close friend of his suddenly and unexpectedly died and how that then redefined him as "before" and "after." While it can profoundly transform a person, tragic events don't have to happen for us to alter our perceptions, the choices we make, and the way we live. It can happen right now. Mark Manson emphasizes that we all have choices and we will always have problems. A problem free life is boring, unavoidable, and leaves no room for growth. It's about choosing the good problems to have that will lead us on a journey of meaning and fulfillment, even in the midst of pain.

Halfway through the book, I was curious how other readers on Goodreads felt about this book. Not surprisingly, there were people that either loved or hated this book. If you're wanting a book that will make you feel good about your sense of self, your life choices, and let you know that you're an exceptional/special person....well, this isn't the book for you. And this is why I fucking loved it. Refreshing, honest, emotionally intelligent, thought-provoking, and real....this is something severely lacking in society these days. Everyone needs to read this book, especially in the United States of Entitlement. Perhaps the best book I've devoured in less than two days in years.

Read. This. Fucking Book. And if you don't, well....I just don't give a fuck. You're missing out.

Closeted free spirit

 Photo taken by me, Mt. Baker-Snoqualmie National Forest, August 2012.


It's funny how you think you know yourself well....but then one particular day, week, or month comes along to reveal something about yourself you had not noticed before. All this time you gravitated to and admired others that had this special presence about them, not even recognizing maybe the reason is because deep down....you are just like them.

Travelers. Independent thinkers. Unconventional lifestyles that go against the grain of the status quo. Intelligent. Quirky. Friendly and approachable. Walking contradiction. Incredibly curious. Spontaneous. Worldly in one way or another. Crave meaningful experiences and people, no matter how fleeting. Love learning. Open-minded. Dare to be different. Creative. Explorers. Seek adventure. Challenge themselves mentally and physically. Take risks. Usually fearless. Compassionate. Appreciate both the simplicities and complexities of life.

Go ahead. Admit it.

You're a closeted free spirit.

Melting ice in Annawadi

Pulitzer Prize winner Katherine Boo eloquently and brilliantly captures what is truly a heartbreaking level of abject poverty in a slum of Mumbai (Annawadi), India in "Behind the Beautiful Forevers: Life, Death, and Hope in a Mumbai Undercity." Boo weaves intimately detailed narratives of a handful of the residents, respectfully revealing the gritty nuances of their day to day existence. Tragic tales juxtaposed against tremendous resiliency and ability to adapt to destructive forces (particularly in regard to inescapable political corruption).

I finished reading this book several hours ago and I'm still struggling with articulating the words to describe my thoughts and feelings about it, nearly speechless. Ever heard human emotions can be narrowed down to seven basic emotions? This is a rare book that will likely trigger all seven for you as it did me: fear, sadness, anger, joy, surprise, disgust, and contempt.

I give this book five stars (and in my estimation, hands down the best work of narrative non-fiction of 2012 thus far!) based on the following factors: 1. Well-written, both in content and with an excellent balance of objectivity as well as articulating the complexities with a humanistic touch. 2. It's a human interest piece that educates without exploitation or self-righteousness. 3.Truthful accounts validated by reliable sources via the documented experiences of residents with notes, video recordings, audiotapes, and photographs. 4.It challenges one's notions on diverse subjects of morality, politics (corruption at its worst), freedom, and loyalty to community vs. individualism/being true to oneself. 5. Despite the tragic subject matter of the book, Katherine Boo subtly reflects the luminous power of the human spirit to live in survival mode and yet experience beauty, hope, and love amidst the worst imaginable living conditions.

"Behind the Beautiful Forevers" reads so much like a work of fiction, I kept having to remind myself "These are REAL people and these disturbing things REALLY did happen...are still happening." I had immense empathy for the "characters" Katherine Boo chronicles. I wanted to reach through the pages and pull them out, take a stand on their behalf...or at the very least, take a stand against injustice with them....to a more safe and peaceful, joyful place.

If you think you have it bad in life, read this book for a brutal awakening that life could be much, much worse. One such example: It's common in the slums to have "jobs" as garbage scavengers, which comes with dangers you can hardly imagine. The most disturbing sentence in the novel: ‎"Where skin broke, maggots got in. Lice colonized hair, gangrene inched up fingers, calves swelled into tree trunks, and Abdul and his younger brothers kept a running wager about which of the scavengers would be the next to die."

A few other powerful quotes which particularly stood out to me:

"Becoming a success in the great, rigged market of the overcity required less effort and intelligence than getting by, day to day, in the slums. The crucial things were luck and the ability to sustain two convictions: that what you were doing wasn't all that wrong, in the scheme of things, and that you weren't all that likely to get caught."

"What was unfolding in Mumbai was unfolding elsewhere, too. In the age of global market capitalism, hopes and grievances were narrowly conceived, which blunted a sense of common predicament. Poor people didn't unite; they competed ferociously amongst themselves for gains as slender as they were provisional. And this undercity strife created only the faintest ripple in the fabric of the society at large. The gates of the rich, occasionally rattled, remained unbreached. The politicians held forth on the middle class. The poor took down one another, and the world's great, unequal cities soldiered on in relative peace." 

Open your mind. Open your heart. Open this book.

Going my own Way

(Photo taken by me, near the Arboretum, Sept. 2011)

For my senior year high school English class, students were required to pick a novel of their choice and then write an analysis paper about it. While I can't recall the various book selections we were given as examples to choose from, I do remember thinking that I did not want to choose a book that everyone else would pick or one that I knew too much about....though if you asked me at the time, I doubt I'd be able to articulate why. As I scanned the page, few options stood out in my mind. Or rather one in particular. My eyes curiously wandered to Herman Hesse's "Siddhartha." "What is this about?" I thought. And so began my discovery of Buddhism and more so, the beginning of my own self-discovery.

I suppose I had started going my own way prior to reading "Siddhartha" senior year, though it wasn't until that moment that it was brought to my awareness that my path in life has always been different than 'everyone else.' And for the first time I realized this was a good thing. It comforted me, inspired me, and pushed me forward. Suddenly being different and apart from the crowd was a strength, a sign of growth and the embodiment of genuine enlightenment.Western religion has never done that for me. Ever.

When times get tough and the road feels lonely, I find myself going back to Eastern philosophy time and again. Buddhism. The Tao Te Ching. The works of the spiritual mystic Osho. The wisdom, compassion, and non-judgmental encouragement of finding one's own way pours into me and through me. The paradox is actually quite hilarious when I think about it, at least for me. So many fearful people blindly following a religious path that really isn't their own, just words of everyone else because...it's easier?! But it's not. The same individuals are fearful of having their own unique perceptions and feelings, especially what choices to make with them. The last thing they want to do is think about them, yet going your own Way is the first step on the path to understanding, freedom, and growth.

Recently, a friend of mine kindly and unexpectedly mailed a book to me. "Path of Compassion: Stories from the Buddha's Life." I'm slowly savoring each chapter like a child comforted by nightly bedtime stories. I feel both alone and not alone reading the courageous journey of Siddhartha, boldly embracing the judgments of loved ones and strangers alike. Most of all, I'm comforted and inspired by his letting go of external pressures of what they want him to say or do (ie, their own agenda) in favor of going his own way...not only for himself, but also for the greater good.

And with this, I am reminded (again) to continue...going my own way.

Paradox of personal freedoms

When I Google the word "freedom," this is what I come across:

1. personal liberty, as from slavery, bondage, serfdom, etc.

2. liberation or deliverance, as from confinement or bondage

3. (Government, Politics & Diplomacy) the quality or state of being free, esp to enjoy political and civil liberties

4. the state of being without something unpleasant or bad; exemption or immunity freedom from taxation

5. the right or privilege of unrestricted use or access the freedom of a city

6. autonomy, self-government, or independence

7. the power or liberty to order one's own actions

8. the quality, esp of the will or the individual, of not being totally constrained; able to choose between alternative actions in identical circumstances

9. ease or frankness of manner

10. excessive familiarity of manner; boldness

11. ease and grace, as of movement; lack of effort

Too bad applying one of these straightforward definitions to an individual's life and what it means to have 'freedom' isn't quite so simplistic. Especially when one freedom chosen is at the expense of another freedom that must be sacrificed or given up.

When juxtaposed one against the other, when it's impossible to have both at the same time....how does one choose which kind of freedom is the most meaningful, the one that will reap the most happiness and reward? Would you rather give up your personal independence (#6 and #7 above) so that you have liberation from an extremist oppressive culture? (#2-5)? Or would you rather be completely honest, yet confined to a place where you likely will not grow to your full potential? Would you rather follow your instincts or would you rather be obedient?

What if you had to lie to the government for the cost of your freedom? Would it matter if it was a decision that would only affect your life for a few years versus the rest of your life? Imagine that your quality of life in most aspects would be better in country A than country B.

If absolute freedom doesn't exist, what kind of freedom would you ultimately choose and why? Have you ever had to make such a choice? And furthermore, is lying sometimes necessary and justified in order to fight for one of these freedoms?

Driving and freedom

I've never had what would be considered a "normal" driving record. I never took a driver's ed class. My dad taught me how to drive while I was staying with him one summer in Florida. After failing my driver's test the first time because the instructor in the car wasn't clear about how far they wanted me to back up, I received my license on the second attempt around the age of 18 years old. Even so, I wasn't able to totally appreciate having a license to the fullest because I could not afford a car in high school. I was lucky to have good friends that were willing to give me rides here and there, but it was a source of embarrassment and shame for me to have to depend on others.

I moved to Florida for my freshman year of college. I drove my Dad's white Jimmy truck to and from campus, as well as work and ended up buying a very cheap little white car that was on its last life. It truly lived up to the title "POS" (ie, piece of shit), yet it got me from point A to point B....that is until one unforgettable accident. I was on my way home from work at Publix, less than a mile or two away from home. I was in an unprotected left turn signal lane and there was someone on the opposite lane going the other way that was in my blind spot. Being a foolish 19 year old at the time, I thought it was clear and went for it. Once I turned, I saw a pickup truck coming towards me and it was too late. I put my foot on a gas pedal that had little to no pickup and was sideswapped. The car was totalled. No more car for Katie. I must admit, I still have a little PTSD-ish anxiety around unprotected left turns to this day.

The summer of my freshman year of college, I moved back to Texas and drove my mom's big ass conversion van. Again, it was mainly to and from work or school when my mom said it was ok for me to use it. It felt weird to drive such a huge vehicle. If you saw me driving it (the short girl that I am), you'd have chuckled. When I transferred to SWT (or Texas State University, as it's known nowadays) a few years later, I was back to square one. No car whatsoever. I think I very well could have gone 2 years without driving once.

Summer of 2001 rolls around and suddenly I am faced with driving a very LONG Penske truck from Reno, Nevada to a little country town near Lexington, Kentucky....after not having even driven ANYTHING in years. I was nervous, to say the least. I did well, despite a minor incident of hitting someone's tail light in a very claustrophobically small parking lot while turning around. Again, this was close to our destination in Kentucky. I can't remember if I helped Mom drive the Penske truck when I moved to Chicago months later in December 2001.

After moving to Chicago, however, I went my longest stretch without driving/having a car: 6 years! Driving a car to get around was a non-issue with Chicago's great public transportation of buses and trains. It wasn't until I decided to make another move (in yet another Penske truck, though not as long as the one I drove in 2001) that I found myself apprehensive and in unfamiliar driving territory again. In early March 2008, my friend Carla accompanied me as a driver in my journey from Chicago to Seattle, WA. She did most of the driving.

I drove my mom's car a few times back and forth while I was working part-time at the BBW last summer, but otherwise I was roughing it out with Seattle public transit. I went 10 months without driving a car and it was very exhausting, as well as oppressive. My work commute should be about 20-30 minutes by car and it was taking me an hour to an hour and a half...one way. Traveling so much during the week left me tired, lazy, and unmotivated to go anywhere by bus for anything else other than work a majority of the time. I really wanted a car, but I just could not afford it.

Chris made plans to visit me in May and I ended up renting a car for us to drive during his stay because I wanted us to have the freedom to go wherever we wished. Not surprisingly, I was nervous as I drove the two of us from the airport back to my apartment (a 35 minute drive, around 1:30am no less!). I drove a bit more that weekend, feeling a little more comfortable as time went on and yet, I have not had a chance to become totally confident and comfortable with driving because I have not been able to drive on a regular basis for years. Starting today, this is a whole new world for me.

I have been hesitant to get a car up until this point in my life due to my financial situation. I wanted to feel confident in my ability to pay car related bills responsibly. Yesterday I had a deal practically slap me in the face, one that would be ridiculous to pass up. My mom told me about a great deal my stepdad recently found on a 2 door Toyota Yaris. Her rationale was, 'it can't hurt to go to the dealership and talk to the guy' to get information and look at the cars. Off she and I went. After taking a look at my budget, I slept on it overnight...or I should say I barely slept, eager and excited about all the places I could go with my own vehicle.

I signed a 3 year lease on a red 2009 Toyota Yaris today! It still feels surreal....to drive and travel solo, something most people take for granted because driving all the time is the standard norm. I think I'll appreciate my new car that much more than the average person for this very reason and for all that it embodies for me now. The question now is....what to do with this newfound freedom? :)